Midnight

Did some writing... kinda went off on a tangent... but I liked it...
I think I'm gonna call it...

Midnight

So this is where the road falls back into place...
All the loose ends have been sealed...
And Life slowly trickles back into the way it was supposed to be...
but because of what has happened... I've lost everyone...
Gone with the Winds...
Another chapter into tomorrow unfolds as the past slowly ripples into nothing...
My memories... do they mean anything...?
Time just plows forward... never stopping to pick up the pieces...
Where is everyone now?
We've left each other behind...
We've gone our seperate ways...
After all the moments we once held...
We've said goodbye...
Now all thats left...
Is the past...
Time will soon take...
All the memories away...
And what will be left?
Only Darkness shall remain...
Shadow... Emptiness...
A soul in ruin...
How can one live such a life...?
As to embrace what lies in the future...
and cradle what echoes from the past...
To live to find tomorrow...
and to never let go of yesterday...
only to have it wash away with the tides...
I can remember the days of old...
When nothing else mattered...
When for once in my life...
I was no longer a prisoner of time...
No longer a prisoner of Fate...
The doors were finally opening...
And just like that...
They slammed shut...
Before I could even glimps through the Keyhole...
There is always something in my way...
and with the aid of others...
sometimes I can overcome those obstacles...
but when the time comes to face the world alone...
my strength cannot hold the weight of reality...
my will cannot comprehend the foolishness of adolescence...
my heart cannot beat for two people...
if another is not beating with it...
my soul cannot hope...
for vindication in this place...
I must live in this prison I call life right now...
Free to do what I please...
With only the truths hidden in darkness...
Standing in my way...
A reality I cannot conceive...
Always standing under...
That shadow of what I once was...
The glory I once held...
And the power that was once mine...
I've fallen so far...
Only to rise again...
Stronger than before...
but not strong enough...
Trying to save what was lost in the beginning...
Trying to mend what has always been broken...
Trying to find love for what has always been hated...
Trying to free what has always been trapped...
Nestled in the depths of chaos...
Freedom...
It sounds so beautiful...
Love...
It feels so right...
but after one has tasted these fruits...
they cannot be satisfied with just a taste...
They cannot live off of just a bite...
and the struggle to find it again wages onward...
but for what?
Is it Greed? Or is it Survival?
Is it hope? Or is it instinct?
Life is too full of riddles...
and I have neither the time....
nor the patience...
To solve them...
and so I shall wander Aimlessly...
Waiting for the moment to come...
yet still searching for what once belonged in my arms...
Darkness is my home...
but my heart shines with light...
Despair chains me together...
but it's hope that keeps my whole...
Lonliness... binds me to existence...
but I'd choose a death in the arms of someone I love...
than a life eternally walking this path alone...
Such a thought echoes in and out of my mind...
Is this my lot in life...?
Only to have a glimpse at what the rest of the world takes for granted?
to strive to attain what others have long had?
to hold onto the shreds of what others grasp firmly...
Only time can answer my questions...
Always plowing forward...
Never stopping...
to pick up the pieces...
and so I must dive forward...
to break through chaos...
and find the sunrise...
On the other side...
of Midnight...

Perfect

Just wanted this up....

Perfect - The Pride of The Lancers...
But this time it's my Senior Year... OUR senior Year...

It's a cold day in December...
one that all of us will remember...
The snow falls down as we walk in this locker room for the last time...
The Depth chart still hangs on the wall...
and we still have one last chance to put on these pads...
and make a season perfect...
We may not be the first to accomplish this task...
but what is in the past, good or bad... is behind us...
This is our year, this is our season,
this is our chance to prove ourselves to this world...
Some of you may be nervous...
Some may be scared...
and some of us walk into this room with a heavy heart...
Knowing that this will be the last time we wear shoulder pads,
and put on that Black Helmet...
But now is not the time for tears...
Now is not the time for fears...
We've earned the place we are today...
And we've done something that no one else has done in this state...
We've gone down this path for 9 years straight...
This is our chance to leave our mark...
as 12 - 0 or 11 - 1...
Champs... or Chumps...
The choice is up to each and every one of you...
I know what 22 kids are going to do...
To those on the field, play with your heart...
Never give up, right from the start...
Make every block, run every hole...
It's our perfect season; it's OUR Super Bowl...
Make every tackle, pick every throw..
Catch every pass in the midst of the snow...
To those on the side line... right from the start...
Scream every second... cheer with your heart...
Even if cheering is all that you do...
This is your moment, it's your season too...
11 men stand in our way...
From being the best...
and from ending this season...
As winners... as Division 1 Super Bowl Champions
ending this season...
Perfect...

- Casserole

It's hard to please a princess...

I'm not to happy that this is what's needed to happen to give me an idea to write about... but it's happend... This whole thing is stupid if you ask me... but it's yet again not in my control... these stupid little things happen though, and I'm sure it'll be sorted out soon enough... but nevertheless I needed to vent... I have a hard time confronting these kinds of things with my friends... especially in these kinds of situations. Not that I'm afraid to, well in a way I am... but I don't fear for me, I fear for us... I fear that if I do make an argument that bad things will come from it... I'm new at relationships... and these things happen, so w/e... anyway before I ramble anymore...

It's Hard to please a Princess... (Especially Mine...)

It’s hard to please a princess...
No matter how much you try,
Nothing seems to be enough...
You live to make her happy...
But it’s YOU she has a problem with...
“Look at your clothes! They simply won’t do!”
As she glares at the rags upon your back in disgust...
You struggle to follow the mile long list of demands she has upon you...
Yet, you find nothing wrong with her icy glance...
You feel a sense of freedom...
When you are trapped by a leash...
Every move you make is followed by an unblinking eye...
Every word you say is frowned upon...
Every gesture every compliment every sign of love is ignored and dismissed...
It’s hard to please a princess...
When suitors walk in every day...
When her eyes are on anyone and everyone else...
When you feel like you could be replaced at any moment...
And the fear of losing her drowns you until you’re numb...
You miss the days passed... When her heart belonged to you...
When you were her sunrise and sunset... When you were the world to her...
It feels like those days are gone... and never coming back...
It’s hard to please a princess... when everything you try to do right...
Ends up being wrong...
When “I love you.” brings frustration instead of joy.
When your feelings are thrown back at you...
When you lose your place in her heart...
And become another face in the ever growing crowd...
It’s hard to please a princess...
When she scorns you for your flaws...
Yet you neither speak nor care of hers...
When the closer you are to her...
The more she pushes away...
When the more you are together...
The more of a nuisance you become...
When all you want to do is be with her...
And all she wants is to be away from you...
It’s hard to please a princess...
But when you finally do...
And you see that twinkle in her eyes that you thought was lost forever...
When at long last you hold her in your arms again...
When you feel her soft lips pressed against yours...
And when “I love you...” makes her eyes water instead of roll...
Nothing else matters...
All troubles, all burdens, all the doubts in your mine cease to exist...
Time fades... and at last you feel the warmth that was locked away...
At last you hold her love in your hands...
At last you are her prince...

I believe (My Rendition)

I've been bored... I've done a lot of writing though, but a lot of it is nonsense from my CW class... but In the midsts of it I wrote this... it's my rendition to the song, I believe, by Dee Roberts

I did take a lot of the original lyrics... but I changed around most of it...

I believe (My Rendition)
Note: This is NOT originally my work, I just experimented with the lyrics.

Where have all the Dreamer's gone?
We've never left this place...
Cas everyones had fallen wings...
You can see it in their face...

And I had a vision...
that I'd love you for eternity...
but it seems now that's not in my destiny...

I believe in miracles...
That’s how I'm here today...
but I haven't seen another one...
Since my very first day...

I believe that love can last...
Until the end of time...
but I was never there for yours...
and so I have to wonder why...?

Where was I when you loved me?
I'll never know those dreams...
I wish that I could turn back time...
Though I can't it seems...

My Heart won't be broken...
Even if it will not be safe...
You may not love me...
But I still have faith...

I believe in miracles...
They happen every day...
‘Cas I made a wish to find the one...
And then You came...

But the winds of Fate stood in my way...
And I was left behind...
I'll never see your eyes on me...
As I look into the starless sky...

I can't name this...

Today may be one of the worst days of my life... What started out as a day of absolute Triumph has now perished into this... Normally I would write a lot more than this... but I can't handle this... I Can't... and This is all I can afford myself...

...
What is left of a lost Friendship

I set fourth on this journey... in the name of friendship... with the song of a Dreamer in my heart... and all the hope in the world...And now there is nothing left of this path... Here... in the ashes of what was once a friendship... and in the shattered dream that was once love... I lie in the center... with a heart still beating... and a mind still dreaming... but this is all that I have left... My Friendship died many days ago... My Love Fell with it... and as it tumbled to the ground... all of my hopes... all of my dreams... all of the Good things that I had in the world... died with it this day... in my battered hand is the letter you wrote... the words that broke my heart... I am without a beacon... without a star to guide me through the night... without a light to shine in the darkness of the unknown... I have lost my courage... I have lost my strength... I have lost my love... The one thing I’ve held on to for all these years... The one thing that has driven me through the ashes of this miserable life... the hope of finding someone to share it with... and in my search I found you... and Everything became worthwhile... and now... after I have opened your eyes.... to the TRUTH... you turn and run from me... you quiver in fear... you turn away... you stomp upon my dying heart... and leave me here to die in the ruins of my life... I am alone... cold upon the ground... My limbs frozen in despair... My eyes glazed upon the shattered sky above my head... It begins to rain... and a salty stream of tears flows down my face... This... This is my only home... it is the only home I ever known... this Pain Blankets me... This rain sustains me... This existence is what I am meant to do... I live on... only to suffer... for that is my lot in this life... To strive on what little happiness that is bestowed on me... only to be smitten by the cold hard fist of reality... This is life... this is my life... and I shall never escape this Fate... Brother... You Win...

Two Minds

FINALLY got the creative juices flowing again... and I finally got a good poem written... yay!

Two Minds

I hang from the edge of darkness and light...
With the soul of a mystic... and a doomed lover’s bane...
On one side... happiness... a future so bright...
And the other... oblivion of suffering and pain...
Housed in my soul... two minds are found...
A beacon of hope... A vessel of fate...
This destiny to which I’m bound...
The Dream I’ll one day consummate...
With each passing day I am torn apart...
Trapped on the brink of each echoing path...
It is this pain that shatters my heart...
And brings fourth the doom of my brother’s wrath...
A Dreamer lost with fallen wings...
As love is just beyond my reach...
A Fallen of whom the Dreamer sings...
The only one with the soul of each...
I know not where my heart shall go...
That as my passions swiftly burn...
Or if one day I'll ever know...
To Chronia shall I return...
Will I embrace my destiny?
To Master all of Time and Space...
To find the love out there for me...
And Reunite my scattered race...?
Or is it here I’ll spend my days?
Trapped inside a world alone...
Is there a part that my soul plays...?
Or is it joy to be undone?
A cycle of life... cast into the flame...
A man with a dream... to fall in love...
A life that shall never be the same...
The wings of hope... to fly above...
Where is the place that I shall fall?
Another dream? Or Fallen void...?
Am I to be my brother’s thrall?
Or shall his glory be destroyed...?
These questions always plague my mind...
When the sun goes down... and the stars shine bright...
My squandered past... the Love I shall find...
The tears shall fall from my face tonight...
Love is the only dream I can hope...
In this reality of mine...
So far no luck... but I still cope...
It shall come to me at the proper time...
When I am fated to find my star...
And my deepest dream shall at last come true...
My past nothing more than an empty scar...
This day to come... I shall be with you...

I am...

Wow... this came out of nowhere... but It's not too bad... enjoy!

I am a drifter… lost and free…
Able to forge my destiny...
There never was a home for me...
A Drifters dream to win…
I am a demon… cunning and cruel…
Cutting my path to nobodies rule…
Here to prove that man is a fool…
A Demons dream to sin…
I am a soldier… born to fight…
Save the world… with all my might…
No evil shall escape my sight…
A Soldiers dream to die…
I am a Dreamer… seeking another...
Tired of torment from my evil brother…
Destiny or Love… it’s one or the other…
A Dreamers dream to fly…
I am a pilot… soaring the skies…
When they reach my sights… the enemy dies…
Never to hear my adversaries cries…
A Pilots dream to soar…
I am a fallen… ending my life…
Sick of existence… this tedious strife…
No tears are falling as I hold the knife…
A Fallen dreams no more…
I am an artist… starving for more…
Painting my path as I open the door…
Piece by piece my ideas shall soar…
An Artists dream to inspire…
I am Revolution… born to change…
Chaos and Violence… I shall rearrange…
Across the world shall my voice be in range…
Revolutions dream to set fire…
I am a loser… fallen in pain...
Walking my path with an endless rain…
Asking myself if my life is in vain…?
A Loser dream to love…
I am me… that’s all I can say…
Strong and weak in many a way…
I hope to meet with you someday…
My Dream... to rise above…

Maybe Someday... Maybe not...

Another new piece... Enjoy...

Maybe Someday...
*This piece has been removed... sick of trying... sick of failing... I give up...*
No more words I can speak... my path has been chosen...

Just wanted to add this again! lol I needed a bigger one so! 

Just a background I wanted to Put up... I made this with Photoshop... It's not that good but I tried! ^_^ 

The Path...

Wow... after 2 months of silence... it's finally come back to me... I've got those gears in my head moving again... and I finally wrote something! ^_^

The Path - The Return of the Crimson Dreamer...

I have fallen from my path… so much has happened… so much has changed since those simple days… the world has be come a different place… and I have begun to drift away from the people that I have grown to care about… Those people… that I strived so hard to be accepted by… to be cared by… to be loved by… suddenly my eyes open to their world… I see the truth of what they are now… Beyond the faces I see when the days roll by… I see what happens when the sun goes down… it is a belligerent world… full of lust… and greed… and while I have not abandoned these people… I have turned my back to them… but that is my moment of triumph… Here… in the present… I feel I have lost my soul… in the struggle to find another heart… I feel that I have given up that which has blessed… and cursed my existence… emotion… as the last few months have come and gone… I have cast that side of me aside… to hold the foundation that I have found… the stability that seems to exist… When I let go of the emotion… and just live my life… and yet… while life has been much easier… and conflict doesn’t seem to spark… I have lost my way… For the Dreams no longer flow from my heart… and my mind is befuddled with the riddles of this “normal” life… As happy as I am to hold the friendships I have reclaimed… and as close as things may seem to finding love… Must I give up my eyes to live this simple life? Have I lost the will to feel? Have I lost the will to Experience…? Have I lost the will… to Dream…? It is what has defined who I am for the last 6 years… and it has been my driving force for my entire life… can I just push it away like this? What happened to the days of searching for Chronia…? What happened to the boasts of Hawk Dynedockia… In the spite of Fate… and the Obsidian Eye of K’wal N’oz The’li… What happened to those days…? My story… my life… my Dream… has it all been spirited away? Have I let go of what has let me live through the malediction of my life? No… I cannot… I will not… So many new faces litter my path through life… some take the side of society… and others follow a similar path… and the more I see this world… the more I see that there are more Dreamers here than I ever imagined… The Heart and Soul of our planet resides in the eyes of these precious few… Who have opened their eyes to their own Destiny… and who look towards their own vision of the Crimson Dream… Many have wings to fly with… and yet many of them have fallen like myself… endlessly searching the plains of existence… only to find a broken heart… time and time again… and yet even in these fallen souls… There is still a fragment of hope… for all is not lost… through endurance… through optimism… through faith… each of us have our own way of walking the path… and surviving the pain that troubles our everyday lives… We each have a different road to travel… we each have a different eyes to see the world… and we each hear a different beat to dance the song of life… No existence is the same… no matter how similar each may seem… The path stretches differently for each of us… and Cross they shall… and intertwine they shall as well… Each journey to that point is different… and where each of them shall reach cannot even be seen by The Master of Time… Destiny is a fickle mistress… and there are very few who live to answer her call… I once did… but now I see this path for what it truly is… not a path to Glory… or Salvation… but a path to the truth… to truly see the world from a Dreamer’s perspective… and live the life that I was meant to live… it is not about what I become… what I accomplish… or what I find along the way… Sometimes it is what you do that defines you… but It is always who you are inside your heart… the song that each of us sings as Time goes Marching on… It is your heart that defines you… your soul… the emotions that guide you… that is what defines us… I see it once again… my path… my journey… my dreams… They have returned to me… The Crimson Dreamer is what I am called… and I almost lost my title… without it I would have been lost… but now… Inside my heart… I can see those Dreams again… My Story… My Legend… My Prophecy…

...
Let There be Freedom...

And Peace in This Land...

I shall Swear by My Dreams That...

This Darkness Shall End...

Fate is a Demon...

He'll pay for this Crime...!

And I'm NOT just a Dreamer...

I'm...

...

The MASTER OF TIME!!!!!

Im back...

Things are better... so at some point I'm gonna start writing again... Not sure when... I've been busy with work, and I've been in a slump lately... so when I get the chance I'll write again... until then!

Hiatus...

I'm going on hiatus for a while... I have some things that have to be done... I'll still write, but things aren't going up here...

Truth...

New Work...

Truth...

What do you do when the world fades to black? Where do you go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do you stand as the walls around you tumble to the ground…? Who do you cry on when everyone around you turns away? How do you live when you are surrounded by death? Who do you love… when your world turns to hate? Lost… Drifting… Falling… Dreaming… Being… Living… Freedom… So many words… All of which I use every day of this life… Lost inside the trap I have created in my mind… Drifting into each passing day as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon… Falling further into the depths of my soul… Dreaming of the days when I can look back on life and see how truly wonderful it is… Being able to catch my fallen brethren… Living life… one day at a time… Freedom… the one thing in life… that is unattainable… Fate controls all… governs all… and yet even in our doomed slavery… we are still free to make our choices… Love… Happiness… Anger… Pain… all of it is under our control… I can see this now… with vision undistorted… My life… it is mine to control… no matter what Fate forges to be my destiny… I know here… now… that I don’t need to look for my true friends… I don’t need to seek out my allies… because they are here… with me… all of them… I know now the truth… that none of them were ever in any doubt… and that all this time… after being so lost in the conflict… trapped in the confusion… on the brink of the void… that even in my despair… they are here to stand by me… and even when the world is without hope… and the sky is without stars… and the world around us is shattered with the malice that is this life… We are here… standing tall together… ready to face whatever my Brother decides to stand in our path… but even in our triumphant cry… Even in the power that we share… Even in the love that we share for each other… in the brotherhood of friendship… I fear that my heart has made breaks in our chain… I feel too much in this world… a surge of emotion… an endless wave of the heart… It brings my joy atop the highest of the heavens… and it brings my sorrow to the depths of existence… and in my soul it embraces the spirit that has been inside me for so many years… and Channels the energy that has been dormant inside me for such a long time… I no longer fear life… I no longer fear the whim of Rathios… and yet… my world is still empty… and my path is still lonely… I thought I had embraced the winds of love… but I know now that this is not so... I have still yet to feel that warmth...and in my search I have made a fool of them… I have made a fool of myself… and even in the blunders of my life… I know that they will stand by me… and yet I still cannot help but feel like I have made so many mistakes… so many contradictions in my being… So many broken promises… I feel like I have betrayed them… in deceiving myself… I have overlooked so much… I have forgotten so much… I need to let go… of all this grief… of all this strife… Where has the happiness gone? Where has the optimism fled too? Where has the positivism fallen? I embrace my emotions… for they define my spirit… yet… even I cannot comprehend them in their purest form… and I am no master of the spirit… it is difficult to control my emotions… for it is a fickle element to restrain… Destiny… what truly is Destiny? I have always believed it to be man’s potential… but is it? Is it what we are able to achieve? Or is it the quota we put on ourselves… Destiny is a path to perfection… one that no being can ever obtain… Dreams… the essence of the soul… it is through our dreams that we find our hope… Hope is the one truly static entity in this world… for throughout the ages… hope has never died… Love… Love is only a word… a word I have used far too much in my life… It is the one thing I seek more than anything else… but why? Why is it that I must feel this emotion? Is it because it is the one that I have not experienced yet? Or is it that I am in need to fill the hole in my life? Love itself… is empty… void… of meaning and of thought… love is in the eyes of who wields it… and one’s love can be simply affection to another… and the sweet embrace of one can be the reason to live for another… One cannot gauge love… for each of us has different ways of expressing it… of feeling it… of giving it… and of taking it… I have love for each and everyone one of my friends… a love that shall never falter to the will of fate… anger may close my eyes… and pain may blind my heart… but I love each and every one of you… with all my heart and soul… and of all the empty promises I have made… and all the broken contradictions of my life… I know… in the depths of my being… that I love all of you… Love in itself is a meaningless word… yet… in my life… it is the value I give to those who I care about most… Those precious few… who I have stood by my side through the ages… and those who have just joined the path… Your spirits… your courage… your patience… and your compassion… have brought me to this point in my life… I am a loner…and now I finally realize that… as much as I seek the love of another… I know that… at least at this point in my life… I am destined to be alone… and even in this loneliness… I am not truly alone… for all of you are in my heart… and I may lose sight of that… but in my core… I know it to be true… Your friendships keep me alive and well… your happiness brings me joy… and your courage gives me strength… I pass my spirit onto you… and although you do not share the same emotion… I know that you are grateful… as I have been for you… So what do I do when my world fades to black? Where do I go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do I stand as the walls around me tumble to the ground…? Who do I cry on when everyone around me turns away? How do I live when I am surrounded by death? Who do I love… when my world turns to hate? I come before you… my champions… my heroes… my friends… you… all of you… and with your hearts and mine… we shall stand tall to face the wrath of my brother… Let there be freedom… and peace in this land… and I swear by my dreams that this darkness shall end… This Fate is a demon… he’ll pay for his crime… and I’m NOT just a Dreamer… I’m…

A New Chapter...

Wow... it's been a year since I started this site... and began this part of my journey... I want to remember this day... but alas I have no time to write about it right now... I will write something tomorow and add it...

Heres to a new chapter in The Chronicles of the Crimson Dreamer...

The Odyssey

My latest piece... quite happy with this one... wasn't expecting to write it so soon... but w/e

Enjoy...

The Odyssey

And so begins the odyssey… the journey that I shall take into my mind… to explore the emotions inside my heart… I have been preparing for so long… trying to prove myself… Fighting for those whom I love… I have come so far… it’s finally beginning to change… my life… my world… it’s becoming so clear… No longer just a sparkle in the night… The light shines high above my head… and I face the darkness that drifts just below… This life… it is no longer one of conflict… of strife… of pain… I see the world now… I see with opened eyes once more… I feel the freedom that once blessed my heart… I feel the joy echo through my soul… I am ready now… and so I take the dive… and enter my mind… Such a different world… torn apart by the emotion of my life… There are so many thoughts… so many ideas… so many dreams racing across the horizon… it is so amazing… to see what lies inside here… I can feel the emotions that I have embraced all my life… and even so, I can still see the fight that I face every day… The constant battle with darkness and light… good and evil… Joy and Sorrow… And yet I continue to fight... although I cannot see what the future holds for me… and I do not know what lies ahead down my path… I am more certain now… than any moment before in this life… I feel free… no longer bound by the chains of life… No longer trapped in the will of Fate… I am free… to do as I please… to fly where my wings will take me… Wings… I finally have them… and I can see myself… transforming into the being that I have always desired to become… My ascension begins here… with you… You have been in my mind for quite some time now… since the day I met you… I thought you were different… special… and now my heart has blossomed once again… and for the first time in my life… I’ve felt those feelings come back… I’ve embraced the winds of love… I’ve freed myself of this void… I do not know where our paths shall go… but I hope that I may share mine with you… This is the first side… the beginning of my emotions… Joy… Happiness… Freedom… This is what I have become now… After so many years… this side of me has finally awoken once again… My inner child… my inner being… my essence… that has been locked away for so many years… has finally been released… Life is no longer a search… a meaningless quest to find a light I thought I could never seek… I’ve found it… and I am happy once again… I do not feel the strife that has toiled my soul for so many years… the scars upon my body have begun to heal… and slowly fade away… It brings joy to my heart to know that I am no longer afraid… of the life that may never come… and the happiness I’d never find… for it’s here… after all my searching… all my dreaming… all the tears in the night… and the pain I’ve had to suffer… after all the friends I’ve gained and lost… and those precious few I would defend to the death… I’ve found my resolution… and so I must delve deeper… into my soul I must go… Into the past… a place I would dare not travel… for even now it still haunts the deepest recesses of my soul… but I must continue… every path must have a valley… and with the strength that I have gained… I feel that I am ready… and so I dive deeper into the mind… The present slowly falls away… and I am now in a world of the past… I can see myself once again… lost… with shattered wings… and broken dreams… I see a boy… not a man… a boy… lost in the struggle of his life… caught between the pain given to him by those around him… and the conflict that rests inside himself… This was my time… and although it scars me to know what has happened to me in the past… the innocence that was raped from this child… I know now… after so many years have passed… It had to be done… the tears… the sorrow… the pain… have made him stronger… have made me stronger… Even here I can feel the pain of the past… the burden that has haunted me for such a long time… but I know now… these were the trials that I had to face… so that I could look inside myself… and find the dream that has given me this undying hope… I know the despair that lies in the past… I know the loneliness… and the emptiness that plagued my childhood… I know the pain that I felt when I locked myself away… when I had no one else to turn to… It all seems worth it now… For I do not know the kind of man I would have become if it weren’t for these trials… Yes they hurt me deeply… and yes I still feel the repercussions today… but I am stronger… wiser… happier now… because of that… These hands that have forged so many Dreams… and shaped so many lives… They have truly made a difference in those lives whom I love… Although I have brought on conflict in the past… I feel like I have changed their lives… as they have changed mine… I no longer need to fear the past… I no longer need to fear the pain… I walk to myself… a child… lost in a sea of tears… and give him the embrace that he has longed for… I feel the innocence that had been stripped away… the joy that was defiled into sorrow… and the Apathy of life that was reshaped into a universe of emotion… I am thankful now… for everything that has happened to me… but yet still I must delve… into the depths of my soul… where my secrets… and my dreams lie… and so I dive deeper… into the darkness… into the void… and yet… as I continue to fall… I can see light approaching… and as I cross the threshold… I am blinded by it… here… in the deepest corners of the soul… lies the Dream that started my path… Here I stand before Hawk Dynedockia… Lord of Chronia… Master of Time… The Great Crimson Blade of Dreams, Shi’Te’Ku in his hand… this… this is my destiny… I stand before the being I have always wanted to become… even now… a woman stands by his side… Mana… This is the life I have always wanted to live… and this is the hope that has always brought me from the darkness… I put my hand out… trying to give a feeling to something never thought to be tangible… their hands meet mine… and so many thoughts race across my head… the Past… Present… and Future… all combined into this moment… Time has no meaning here… This world is forged by emotion… and brings light even in my darkest hour… it is here that I have retreated too… here in the depths of my soul… You are my hero… and as I speak those words… I shake my head… confused… I point to the figure behind me… I turn around… and here… here of all places… I see you… standing tall... I point to you… I walk towards myself… Two entities… One dream… Our hands meet once more… and a great flash of light envelopes us… the light clears away… and now only one remains… it is I… The true Crimson Dreamer… The embodiment of both… This is the person I truly wish to become… Master of both worlds… of both lives… This is the Destiny… My Destiny… I walk again towards those eyes… towards you… you look back at me… with those curious eyes… I reach out towards you… and you towards me… our hands embrace… and I look again into those eyes… where yet another world resides… I am truly happy… now… and as I fall lost into the spheres of your world… I realize now… it is you… who is my Hero... it is you who has let me seen the side of me that I have always thought lost to Fate… it is you who has let me embrace the winds of Love… and it is you who has looked into the eyes of The Crimson Dreamer… and found the truth… You embraced me… you smiled at me… You are my wings… and You have forever changed this world of mine… Now the Odyssey is complete… I feel myself awaken from the Trance… My journey is complete… My soul is at peace… and my life is finally down another path… The path of both Dreamer… and Destiny… I am both… My name is Matthew J. Casartello… and inside my soul rests the human Chronius… the personification of my life… and the greatest warrior Time has ever known… the Chronian, Hawk Dynedockia… This is me… this is everything… this is the man that I have become… and I am proud to share this life with all of you… Thank you… everyone…

New Work Coming!

New work is on the way! I'm just waiting for the right idea to write about... It'll be good though! I gaurentee it!! ^_^

Just to let people know, this sites birthday is coming up... may 30th... Im gonna write something for that too!

I don't know...

I've made a poor choice... and I regret what I have done... yes I did what was right, but how I did it was wrong... and now I've started another war... I am lost to this... I tried to save them... and I failed...

What have I done…? What have I caused…? All of this darkness that lurks around me… It is pain… it is sorrow… it is suffering… and it is because of me… My friends… the people I love so much… I have betrayed them… and now they have begun a war… all because of me… They are lost… trapped inside conflict… Locked in war… because I tried to do what was right… I am a fool… I took life into my own hands… and I’ve failed them… I’ve failed them all… I do not deserve to live for what I have done… The path stands still now… All is quiet… all is dark… I know what has happened… I know what has been done… I am alone…. I look down onto these hands…. These hands… these are my hands… They have caused so much destruction… so much pain… so much strife…. Time has ravaged them into these instruments of corruption… I stand and try to look for the stars… but I know that I will not find them… I feel the hole underneath me beginning to open… The void… the void it returns to me… I can feel it calling out my name… The shadows around me begin to grow… and I can hear the cries of those that I have forsaken in my head… I fall to my knees… and I scream out in agony… This is my fault… All of this pain was caused by me… ME!! I set out on a path of peace, of righteousness… and of friendship… and now I have sent the sky crashing down onto those that I love… The pain shoots across my body… I can feel it eating away at my mind… All of this… all of it… is me… It is my fault… it is my doing… it is these hands… I am lost to this… Darkness has consumed me once again… I have fallen… I am forever trapped to this fate… My eyes open and the chaos is gone… I wake up into a place I remember far too well… It is my void… yet I feel like I am really here for the first time… No longer an instrument of my mind… but I am actually in this place… The rain pours down on my head… and the tears fall down my face… I have wronged them all… All of this is my fault… It started with a falling friend… and I did what I had promised I’d do… I won’t let them fall… I swore to them that… I swore to myself that… But upon catching her… I took matters into these hands of mine… I took away the shroud… I showed her the light of truth… and it was too much for me to do alone… I was wrong to do so… Even though my intentions were just… And now I have started this war… this fight… this strife… I have ruined their lives… and lost their trust… I’ve failed them… I love them so much… I would die for any one of them… and now I have betrayed them… and myself… Look what you have done? Look at the pain that you have caused? You are the instrument of Sorrow… and a Harbinger of Destruction… These are your hands… and you are a fool… I no longer wish to escape this place… for it is here I belong… I cannot hurt anyone here… my freedom only brings sorrow to others… and that is not something that I want… I am finally here… in this place… alone… where I cannot save them… or hurt them… This life is so hard to live… I swear that I will not let them fall… but what if those who do are at conflict? Which hand to I catch? Which side do I take? I cannot save them both… as much as I want to… one has to fall… and I can’t make the choice… and yet I did… and out of the truth I brought on nothing but suffering… And so I have fallen again… destroying the wing that I had… and now I am left to this place… I know that I shall find a way out… I always do… but if I ever encounter these people again… I deserve to die for what I did to them… My life is in their hands… and I do not seek forgiveness… because I do not deserve it for the problems that I have caused… and so I rise up from the charred ground… and I slowly walk away… into the mists that shroud this world… It is the only place that I am safe… it is the only place that they are safe… I will never have the freedom I seek… without hurting the people I love… Too much emotion… so confused… lost to the tides of Fate… Dreamer… Hawk… save them… please… for I cannot cause them any more pain…


I'll make it up to you someday... all of you...

New work...

Well I was writing something... and I sorta went in all sorts of directions... this is a combination of a poem, and a few different pieces... Things have been rough for us lately... and I guess I wrote this to give us a little bit of hope...

Another Nameless piece

Another echo in the night…
Another sunset watched alone…
Another afternoon delight…
Another day I think of home…
The light shines brightly on my face…
And Fate no longer scorns this path…
I ask my self to pick up the pace…
For I no longer fear my brother’s wrath…
Time is inching forward still…
As it always will until the end…
I am no longer on this hill…
Without a broken soul to mend…
Life shall blossom in my heart…
Destiny shall see me through…
Life’s no longer torn apart…
And with this hope I turn to you…
With cloudy skies above your head…
And tears of pain inside your soul…
It is the life I used to dread…
To fall into that void of a hole…
You will not fall to emptiness…
You will not suffer as did once I…
You will rise up to happiness…
You will see starlight in the sky…
I have the wings I need to fly…
You have the heart to see the light…
No matter how much I have to try…
I’ll see you through this arduous plight…
A broken heart brings so much pain…
A broken soul is void of life…
You will not drown inside the rain…
I will not let you lose this strife…
And so the journey goes… walking forward into a sea of conflict and despair… Ready to bring fourth the power of Moses to this place… I know how difficult the task is ahead of me… I know that I may not be able to handle the surge that comes my way… but I will not falter to the sea… The ones I love are drowning… lost inside the currents… they are falling as I once did… They have not reached the void… and I will not let them see that world… And so I raise my hands to the sky… and call fourth the power of time… the world… the life… existence rests in the palm of my hand… Even I can feel the power… the strength inside he who is my hero… My creation… the Dreamer that has forged my destiny… It is his will that drives me forward… and it is his strength that gives me the power to open the eyes of this world… I stretch my hands out… Calling out to this world… and as I curse my corrupted brother, I dive into the maelstrom… Inside this place… I know it all too well… Here I am… ready to answer the calls of my Fallen allies… I no longer bear the chains that kept me here so long ago… and the Wings of Time rest upon my shoulders… I grab hold of those who have fallen into these depths… my friends… my allies… the people that mean so much to me… new and old… I hold on with all my strength as the currents drive me across the horizons… Time moves so slowly here… one cannot see down here without open eyes…
I will not let you lose this strife…
The dream ends… and I awake from a slumber… hands wet with sweat… I look up to the sky above… And endless sea of stars… I long to be up there again… With those wings that I still seek… and with the hand of she who will stand by my side… I long to find that destiny that lies deep inside my soul… To embrace the will of Hawk Dynedockia… and to truly become the Crimson Dreamer… I continue down the path I have forged… it is he who has the strength… but it is I who possess the will… and the Dream… He is my creation, and no matter how strong I want him to be… he still only exists inside my mind… I open my ears to the world around me… and I see the pain around me… my friends who are struggling to keep with the will of Fate… problems of Love and of friendship… and the problems that have come my way… the pain that I have caused in the last few months… though not out of anger, or by intention… I see now the troubles that I have caused… the people I have inadvertently left behind… and yet I still shout their names… and they still reply… I am thankful now… the embrace such a friendship… I will not abandon them… any of them… and while some fall now, and other drift in the winds as I do… none shall ever reach the ground… not while I can live… not while I can fight… not while I can fly…
I will not let you lose this strife…
This is the freedom that I seek… the resolution that I have found in the recesses of my mind… Time is my ally once again… and I have opened my soul to it’s depths… This is the way I want to be… and while the troubles of my friends may not let me be in this state… I would rather let them see this light… even if it means I can’t… I would rather then be happy… even if it means I am sad... I would rather them see hope… even if it means I am in despair… I would rather them live… even if it means that I cannot… They will not fall… so long as I am here… I will not let you lose this strife...

River of Time

I finally have something to add here again... I got home from work... and I just wanted to write this... I would say it takes a neutral perspective in the emotional spectrum, but I'm very pleased with it... enjoy!

Note: The random words at the end, I made it all up, it doesn't mean anything, and no I'm not going to write a Chronian Language... I just felt like making something random, and Manu Du Vortis is actually Latin for Watch in Awe...

The River of Time

Life… it is so complicated… but in the end so simple… so chaotic… and yet so peaceful… so evil… and yet so kind… There is darkness… but in the end light… Despair… but in the end hope… We are but vessels in the river of time… slowly drifting towards the shores of destiny… Where we embark, and when we drift astray are all governed by the winds of Fate… Yet we are in control of the sails… Life is an endless contradiction… A tide in the swirling pools… Nothing is ever expected… nothing is ever truly known… nothing is ever truly understood… We stand here… in this point in time… hand in hand, singing our song to those who will answer the call… Darkness is around every corner… and behind that shroud lies the uncertainty of the future… The one riddle that no scholar can ever solve… There is no shortcut down the River of Time… There is no seeing the future… Nothing is written… but the fate that exists in each of us… We have been given the will… and the power to control the path which we take… and yet at the same time we are all lost to the will of Fate… I stand here… no longer alone on this path that I walk… No longer sailing alone down the river… I have all of you here with me… as we sing this song of ours… We sing of the freedom that has been promised to us… we sing of the glory that will one day cross our paths… we sing of the hope that brings us into that uncertain future… we sing of the Dreams that guide us in times of despair… With each passing day I forge another dream… another idea another spark to set off the fires of the mind… Even now I still Dream of the wonders that have still yet to cross my path… Destiny… and Love… Every sunset… Every starry sky… Every wind that has blown across my face… Every friend that has taken this path with me… Every friend who has abandoned it… the pain… The Joy… The Hope… the despair… The Happiness that has brought me here… and the sadness that has given me the strength to forge these notes… And yet even in this state of bliss… I am still to face a conflict inside my soul… not with myself… but with the Fate that watches all of us… that decides to make the world turn upside down… We stand together as we slowly drift down into the depths of chaos… but even as we fall… we have The Wings of each other to save us from the brink of destruction… Even when we are scattered we are together… Even when we are alone… we are all here… ready to catch the next to fall… And ready to welcome the next to rise… We each have our own battles to fight… Love to pursue… Destiny to create… and time to use… Each vessel has its own course to follow… no matter how similar… no voyage is the same… And while we may not end up together… while the current may take us to distant places… and after these moments go by we may never see each other again… but as The River continues to flow… the moments that bring us here together down this place are forever etched into the waters… Each memory… each vessel leaves behind its own scar upon the world… it is up to the captain to decide if it be a Beacon of Hope… or a Cringe of Terror… So what is inside my vessel? I have a ship full of Dreams… and though it has been a lonely voyage so far… I do not always worry of that… I know the stars will shine for me some day… I know that I will embrace the future that is meant for me… and I will face the struggles that this river brings to me… I no longer fear the winds of Fate… I will continue towards the Shores of Chronia… Where I shall find the Blade of Dreams… and Face My Hero’s Brother… The Hero I want to become… The Master of this River… He has shown me the way so far… and even still he guides me… but the day will come when I ascend… and take that name… and hold that blade… and bind my soul to his… We shall become one… as I search for She who will hold my hand… my Mana… The Legend… no… the Prophecy… it is unfolding even now… and though I may never truly find the Wings of Time… or hold Shi’Te’Ku in my hands… I may never hold the power to change the tides to the River of Time… I may never Fly… but I will always keep sailing… My life is no longer bound to these winds… I have broken free form the chains of fate… and I have freed myself from the void inside… The next step is to find you… for I cannot face this Destiny alone… Where are you? Who Are you? When will I find you? I do not know how long I will look… but I know I will find you… And these questions will no longer be the burden of my soul… This Destiny is ours to share… and We shall face it together… Mi’Thalas Dim No’roth Le Shi’Te’Ku… U’Thirak Shin’baria nok Chronia… To embrace the Blade of Dreams… is to return to Chronia… Manu du vortis… Watch in awe… This is the beginning… the start of the Journey… of the Crimson Dreamer…

Return

Schools back... blah... Well I woke up this morning... and I had a PERFECT IDEA for something to write about... the very first thing I ever wrote...

As the wind rolls by, I sit upon a rock on that cliff, overlooking the sea. The day begins to wither away, as a crimson haze spreads across the horizon. The wind blowing sand in my face. I still sit, watching the waves roll into the shore. Soon, the sun sets, and night falls upon the earth, the wind howls, and the demons begin to walk the earth. As the stars begin to shine their light, and the water becomes black. Still, I gaze at the horizon, just slightly visible, waiting. Waiting for the light to return, when the sun rises behind my soul, and the light pours across the sky. So I can see the tide roll in, and drift away, and so I can see that crimson haze, as the day withers into oblivion, and the demons return, always thinking of the light, when the evil that walks the earth, returns to the darkness that it spawned from.

4 years have passed since then... and I thought I should return... so I wrote this... enjoy!

Return

Here I stand upon this place… a cliff… looking over the sea… My head held high towards the sunset on the horizon… The wind whispers in my ear… an echo to the serenity that surrounds me… but wait… this all seems very familiar… Yes… I’ve been here before… This is the place I began my journey… those many years ago… It was here that I set down my path… and began to sing the Dreamer’s song… The Chronicles of The Crimson Dreamer… they began here… with me… standing upon this very rock… looking out towards the sunset… My world was so different then… I was young… I was scared… I was lost… My world was full of evil… I was the last spec of light… in a world full of darkness… There was so much pain… so little hope… It so much… but I started down the path of the Dreamer… knowing what stood in my way… 4 years have passed since that day… So much has changed since then… Here I stand… 4 years older… 4 years wiser… 4 years stronger… So many questions have been answered… I finally have a purpose in my life… I’ve mastered the ability to forge dreams… I have faced an entire society to the point of acceptance… and I have destroyed a void that has tormented me since I started this journey… This world of mine… it is not as evil as I had once thought… I’ve opened many eyes in this place… and while no one here sings the song… I have found others who will… Many of them… who have listened to my stories… and begun to create paths of their own… And what is most important to me… I have found light in others… people out there who do not hide behind a mask… people who show the truth with every emotion… I can finally let go of the tapestry of lies that has shadowed me for so long… I have found my place in this world… I now know where my destiny lies… and I know what I must do to reach it… The sun slowly begins to set… and the moon rises into view… I see clouds overhead… Fate has brought them here… For beyond all my accomplishments… Despite the pain that I have overcome… and the challenges that I have faced… This path is still mine alone… My love has come and gone… passing from one set of eyes to the next… I’ve been searching for all these years… to find another soul to share this lonely path… Many a time I believed to have found one… but yet, I still stand here alone… It’s been a lonely 4 years… but if not for the pain that I have had to suffer… I would not be in the place I am today… I look up at those clouds… and tears fall from my eyes… No matter how brave… or strong… or willful I am… It still aches my heart to be standing here alone… I feel a cold chill down my spine… I have had to do something I’ve never had to do in my entire life… I had to close my heart… I can feel it beginning to blossom… For those special few that I have met… and I know that I cannot do that… I will not let myself open to a wall that only time can break through… I must seal these emotions… and not get involved in those affairs… It hurts… but It must be done… For I care not what happens to me… so long as they are able to fly together… I must remain in this place… with only one wing… unable to fly… until the time comes that I may find the soul that I have been searching for… and I will always be searching… For the truth that lies beyond the boundaries of time… As the wind rolls by… I stand upon a cliff… overlooking the sea… No longer afraid of the demons that once haunted my soul… but ready to face the next day… Ready to catch a falling friend… whoever they may be… I may not be able to fly… but nothing will keep me from trying… I will find my love in this world... and I will find my blade... and the wings of time shall return to this body... I will be called by the name that is rightfully mine once more... Hawk Dynedockia... The Master of Time... The heir to the world of Chronia... My Chronia... I'm going home...

My Birthday...

Well I'm 17... and the day was pretty hectic... My New friends from work met some of my friends... and they hit off pretty well! After a hard and tidious day of work we all got lost, got into an accident, and met up at Cassie's house, one of my co-workers, then We all went to outback. Warren, Covey, Jav, and Duclos got to meet Everyone... and I think that Andrea, Mike, Erica, and Stadnicki all liked them. Megan seemed to like them a lot too! The Outback people seperated us, so rather than everyone sitting together, I sat with the big table of me, Cassie, her boyfriend, Andrea, Erica, Mike, Jav, and Joe while Warren, Covey, Frank, and Megan sat in a booth behind us... which made me feel really bad cas Megan helped me get my car started after the park closed... and of course I wanted to sit with all my friends... ugh... We tried to get the people at Outback to sing happy birthday to me and Andrea, since hers was on Sunday, and we didn't do that yet... but they screwed it up... and came out when she was in the bathroom... and then they wouldn't do it twice... retards... What almost ended up a terrible day turned out awesome... and Im happy I got to share it with all of you... Afterwards we were going to see a movie... but things didn't work out... So I hung out with the D1 Gang for a while and went home... And Congratulations Mike and Erica! I'm so happy for both of you! When I got home, I had a pretty cool discussion about the Longmeadow pshychie... yeah it sounds kinda corny, but we made some pretty good points... and as much as I hate to admit it, I do fit it to an extent... *sigh* I'm still not quite sure how complicated my "Mask" is... but we were up pretty late talking about this... and then Warren started talking about the Gang for some reason (sorry I have to segregate or this gets really confusing) w/e I ended up waking up around 8:15, had to kick everyone out, and get ready for work. I missed the bus for Steele Relays, but it rained all day (duh) so I imagine it was cancelled... and I ain't throwing no discus in the rain. Went to work in the pouring rain... and I had to go in Tommy's car... which sucks cas everyone loves the Monterro X_X I can't believe they had the park open in that... I had to flight suit all but 2 people... and otherwise I ran paperwork around and stuff... and that got all wet X_X. Andrea seemed bummed again today... At least she was dry... I guess me and mike had some good timing buying her that jacket... but I guess she hasn't had time for her boyfriend because she's been hanging out with me and the gang all the time... Shes visiting him today so I hope that turns out good for her... Erica wanted me to stay at the park! I was DRENCHED... besides, me not bein there, and us having no clue where Stadnicki was... it'll give her and Mike some alone time... lol They're gonna kill me for this... w/e Covey was actually making some good points last night... and he showed me that new info on the next Zelda that made my day. Im not sure what the hell I'm doin tonight... last day of vacation that I can do stuff... Fucking School... I was LOVING being free of it for a week... It's been a good vacation overall... and I'm happy to have met the people that I've met... 16 was a good year for me... and although the last few minutes of my birthday were kinda depressing... (if you ask I'll tell you) It was a good day... and again, I'm happy you guys were with me... and I thank all of you for sticking with me... cas I know yesterday sucked... So I have this... I have a tradition of writing about, and on my birthday... It goes both ways... and I'm looking forward to being 17... I might write more later... but this is what I have for now... enjoy!

And so the next chapter in my Chronicles begins...

17:
Another year has passed me by…
Twirling about my crimson sky…
Fate still lingers in my mind…
And toils me still I’ve come to find…
A void no longer in my heart…
And Dreams no longer torn apart…
I find myself in a newer life…
Free of conflict, and free of strife…
Emotions free to roam my soul…
Feeling I am once again whole…
Yet still inside my heart shall sink…
When the time comes that I have to think…
Despite my feats and battles won…
I still walk on this earth alone…
And even in this brand new place…
Love shall blossom in my face…
Nothing left but to watch it bloom…
Casting me back into empty gloom…
I feel the cold chills down my spine…
Freezing my soul and my heart as I pine…
For the love that I have never seen…
That one emotion I’ve never been…
I only ask for just one day…
That someone out there take the clouds away…
Help me take away these scars…
And let me see those shinning stars…
I wish I could feel that warmth inside…
With a cheer in my heart… and arms open wide…
But I am doomed to a lonely path…
Doomed to be cursed by Fate’s evil wrath…
Despite all accomplished… and the friends that I’ve made…
As time withers forward this heart shall fade…
I cannot see with Dreamer’s Eyes…
For Dreamer’s have wings to soar the skies…
I cannot find that warmth in me…
Nothing left but destiny…
An empty shell I can never fill…
I shudder again to a lonely chill…
I’m free from society… but trapped in my being…
And I can’t escape without that feeling…
Heart still bleeding pace by pace…
Tears still falling from my face…
I’m not afraid of a world alone…
It is the path that I have flown…
Far Ahead is the soul I seek…
If only I could hear her speak…
The voice of a Savior I would hear…
To mend my wounds and trample fear…
I would feel the warmth of another…
And laugh upon my corrupted Brother…
I wish you weren’t so far away…
I wish that I’d meet you this day…
My life would never be the same…
I may already know your name…
Perhaps someone I’ve never known…
Or someone close whom with I’ve grown…
A friend of mine? One new or old?
With secret love they’ve never told…
It will always be an enigma to me…
As I search for destiny…
And so I have found my resolution…
As I continue towards my revolution…
And new found faith in love unseen…
I embrace the age of seventeen…

I dont know what the hell to call this...

Well... wow... what can I say? Things are going great! Work kicks ass... and the people I work with are probably some of the best people I've ever met... and so in a bit of a writing mood, and after a disaster trying to write something for one of their birthdays... I wrote this... Guys... No I need to say this to each of you... Joe... Mike... Andrea... Erica... Thank you all... this is for you guys... I have no name for this piece... and I would like for you to name it...

<>:for all the people I work with at six flags...

I’ve finally emerged from a slumber I thought would last an eternity… I’ve sealed a void that has eaten at my soul for years… I have forged countless dreams… created worlds… I have begun the path towards destiny… and yet in all of the accomplishments of my life… I have always been alone… always searching for people who hear the song that echoes inside my heart… Only to find deceit… hatred… and rejection… and while I have heard the distant call of the Dreamer from others… they are worlds away… Never have I been able to find someone who follows my path… And for some time I had lost hope… until now… I find myself in a new place… of wonder… of excitement… of… Playtime! I open my eyes to a new group of people… people who know nothing… but the truth… There is no more hiding my emotions… for these few share them with me… I can finally feel the winds soar across the heavens… and I can spread my wings… and take flight… only to have them there with me… I have found freedom… not from myself this time… I have found a place where I belong… no longer cast out for breaking the ties to fate… I am here… on this path that I have chosen… and I have found those who would answer my call… and sing the Dreamer’s Song with me… I have waited for this day… all my life… hiding in the shadows… searching through the night… falling through the depths… and now the chains are broken… and the stars are shining bright… No more plight… no more despair… and though they don’t know the whole story… and they don’t see the scars that time has branded my soul with… they care not… for they have accepted me… ME… not a shell… not a shadow… but what lies inside… and they embrace it… I am here… and I am not alone… through this fellowship that has been forged… I am able to open my heart… and let fourth the emotion that has been dormant inside me for oh so many a year… I am Finally me again… the way I once was… and thought I never would be again… Joseph… Erica… Michael… Andrea… Thank you for everything… I will never forget what you have allowed me to become once more… Thank you for letting me smile upon the world once again… Thank you for spreading light where there was once darkness… Thank you for showing me that there is more to the world than the evil that I have always known… Thank you for setting me free…

I've Been Searching

Finally!!! After so long I finally did my first collaboration!
This is a song written by me and kae! at some point were gonna get the lyrics sung and recorded! Though Im a little skeptical to the whole singing idea... Anyway!

I've Been Searching

Written by Matthew Casartello and Kaleigh Embree (Kae)

(any red lyrics (or Male) we're written by me. The Violet (or Female) lines are by Kae)

Male:
When warmth is just too far away...
The pain seems like it's here to stay...
Life's just another stormy sky...
All I can do is wonder why...

Female:
I sing myself to sleep at night…
Only relief when I turn out the light…
My smile isn’t bright as the sun anymore…
Wondering what I’m living for…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
M: Together…We’ll find that place where we belong…
F: I wonder if you’ve been here all along?

Female:
It gets lonely when you’re the only one,
Feeling abandoned, Want to run.
To find someone truly like you,
Not just a dream, DREAMERS come true.

Male:
It feels like there is no one here...
Mend my wounds and cradle my fear...
And life doesn't seem like its just endless rain...
When you're here with me... calling my name…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
F: Notes together, wings are spread…
M: Flying forever in the depths of our heads...

Male:
Two different minds... yet we beat with one heart...
Locked in embrace yet miles apart...
Never in my life have I had feelings so true...
Never seen your face... but I know I love you...

Female:
If you love me, love me true…
Know that I also love you…
No one else has touched my heart…
While locked in embrace, miles apart…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
M: Some day I will find you... no longer a Dream...
F: No longer a vision, loose at the seam…

Chorus(Both):
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Not just a dream, dreamers come true…
Never seen your face... but I know I love you...

Freedom

I DID IT!
After a weird weekend... things are pretty much back to normal... and I'm bored already... but I was able to write something good... even in the state of emotional dullness that I'm in... So I present this... enjoy!

Freedom

Open my eyes into a world I know… yet things seem ever so different… The echoes of life course through my soul again… and I have been awakened as I should be… Free of the pain… It no longer concerns me… As if I have been able to just release myself from the toils of life… Yet I still remain wanted… yearning for the spoils of life that I have never experienced… I long for the days when I can look back upon my life and say that I have achieved my destiny… A time that shall bring fourth the trials of time… and help me find the truth in the depths of the dreamer… I walk through these halls… and I know that I am alone… Walking a path that no other being can follow… For I face corruption in my way… an essence that surrounds me… and I cannot succumb to this evil… I continue forward, well aware of the scourge that follows my every move. It is a cold path that I must follow… and the things that I seek like far ahead… I have a long way to go before I can rest… I grow tired from time to time… Wondering why I continue down this path… It can be so dark… so cold… so lonely here… I have no idea what to expect in the days… months… years ahead… I know not where the path ends… what I face in front of me… and how long until I walk this path with another… For today I can no longer continue down this path… so I must rest here… and gain my strength so I can face whatever happens next… I sit down… my feet exhausted… and I look up… Those dark clouds that have followed me since the beginning still loom over my head… My eyes are heavy… and I want to sleep… but I am not sure if I will wake up from this nightmare… I watch those clouds… heavy with lightning… and feel the small needles of rain begin to fall from the sky… I feel myself slipping into the void… I can feel the pain creeping inside the depths of my being… I feel so lost in this place… yet it is the most familiar place I know… I have been drifting here since my journey began… able to escape… but never be free… I have always wandered here… Waiting for someone to break the clouds away… and bring on the stars… It was always someone else who would bring them to me… and I always waited… praying for the day that she would come to me… I’ve been tempted by many… only to realize that it is my heart reaching out for them… nothing would ever be returned to me… so alone I was lost inside the prison of my own soul… I could feel the pain in the pit of my being… it was growing… In order to escape this place… I must channel all the negative energy inside my mind into my soul… this creates a hole that allows me to escape… I’ve always been able to get out this way… until it catches up with me and sucks me back in… I knew what I had to do now.. but I couldn’t do it this time… The pain felt so bad… and I didn’t want to embrace it… not this time… so I stood up… and ran… I ran and ran and ran… never stopping… never looking back… Before me was the cliff upon which I have forged so many dreams… I ran towards it never stopping… I did the only thing I could… I jumped…
Falling… Falling towards the emptiness… I would not embrace it… not this time… My wings broke free… and I took flight… up I soared… flying steadfast into the maelstrom… knowing what barriers stood in my way… I kept going… I could feel the darkness pulling me back… but still I flew… I had something this time… sometime I have not had inside me for a long time… I had my will… It was no matter an issue of power… of love… it was for freedom… I HAD to escape this place… I could feel the darkness surrounding me… and I did not falter… and I never would again… Fate had lost its grip on me… Above my head was the end of the void… above it was freedom, and below was the tormenting of a thousand lifetimes… I knew very well what could happen to me by coming at full speed… it didn’t stop me this time… it was seconds above me… and I was ready… The barrier broke… shattering like glass as I flew through its evil grasp… and I woke up… Looking around… I realized I had been dreaming… but I didn’t feel the pain in my gut… I rested my head on the ground again… and my eyes widened… I saw… the stars… for the first time in years… I saw the stars with my own eyes. It wasn’t some magical reaction to the blade of dreams… or the embrace of a savior… it was in my soul… that I found my own resolve… and destroyed the void that has been inside me for so many a night… The sun was rising… and I felt stronger than I ever had… I gathered my things and set down the path once again… It is no longer a stormy road that I must follow… no longer dark… no longer afraid… I may be alone… I may be the only one around this place for miles… and I may not find my love for many years… but I know now… I will find her… and I can survive long enough to… I have my soul back… I have my freedom back… I have my self back…

Rising

After a few months on hiatus, I've FINALLY written something new
it's short... and nothings really going on, but w/e Enjoy!

Rising *UPDATED*
The line about meeting new people has been omitted... since I havn't really met anyone new who hasn't been leading me on, or doesnt really care... oh well!

After many days passed... the Dreamer returns...
Watching with joy as his sorrow burns...
Chaos was controlling my life for a while...
But now I’ve come back... this time with a smile...
It’s been far too long since I’ve written a dream...
The lack of my writing makes me want to scream!
So much has happened since I’ve last wrote a though...
Dreams have been forged... lessons were taught...

I’ve grown a lot stronger... let go of the pain...
I’ve seen the rainbow... beyond the rain...
There’s still a void inside my heart...
But it’s not tearing me apart...
It’s not about Dreamers and fallen right now...
Just a poem from my thoughts like the way I know how...
Not full of emotion, but content with my life...
Not scrambling for peace... I’m avoiding the strife...
My problems still exist... this I cannot hide...
But more and more people see my Dreamer inside...
With horizons expanding... I look to my soul...
Filled with new light... no longer that hole...
That fed that void inside of me...
And so I return to destiny...
I’ve missed my world of Chronia...
Shi’Te’Ku and Hawk Dynedockia...
I’ve missed the thrill of emotion in me...
I’ve missed my creativity...
I’m no longer sad... no longer held down...
No Longer caught in societies frown...
I’m no longer broken... like have been before...
I don’t think I’m falling anymore...

This was taken from the top of Madonna Mountain, the highest mountain in the resort, That mountain is Mt. Mansfield, the highest point in Vermont. The ski area is Stowe, which is about 8 miles from Smuggs if you go through the Notch, which is closed during the winter. 

This is on Morse Mountain, the blue lift is called "Mogul Mouses Magic Lift" It's for the younger Ski School and it goes pretty slow, there are 2 lifts on Morse, the one that you'd see behind me is The Village Lift, which goes a bit higher than Mogul Mouses, The lifts only go about halfway up the mountain. If they expand like they say they will, Smuggs is gonna be HUGE 

Bye Everyone

From me and Jav - Bye everyone!!!! Seeya in a week!!!!

Sonnet III

Well Someone else has asked for help, so I wrote another sonnet... Enjoy!

Sonnnet III

As much as you try alas you still fight...
But there is still much love deep down inside...
It seems you won’t be side by side this night...
Yet your emotions you should never hide...
It may seem like there’s not much left to do...
There’s hope for you if you just wait...
Things may be rough but surely he loves you!
He had to have if he asked me to aid...
Though he may not be a master of poem...
He knows that I possess this mastery...
There’s no reason to want to be alone...
Even you must believe in destiny!
You are not together but until then...
Have faith that you shall be as one again!

Sonnet II

Okay... now that its past valentines day (and everythings straightend out) I've been given the goahead for Sonnet II

If You read this Claire, I hope you like it... I wrote it for Rob to give it to you... he cares that much to get you something nice... (and Sorry its a little late! X_X)

Sonnet II

Some nights I spend thinking of destiny.
Knowing that you are here by my side.
With darkness in my heart you set me free.
Your skills and talents are spread far and wide.
You bring the sun to every cloudy day,
and stars and moonlight to the midnight sky.
You bring out the best in me... in a way.
Such joy in my heart... sometimes I could cry.
I’m not a man of such emotions so.
And it’s not like me to swell up in tears.
Yet you bring out feelings that I don’t know.
Embrace my pain and ward away my fears.
So here’s to you in such a special way.
From me to you on this Valentines Day!

Lyrics!

I had a song in my head... and I decided to write lyrics for it! Maybe I'll keep doing this... It's kinda fun!

Calling

The sky calls... The wind cries...
The tears fall... From my eyes...
Night’s here... Inside me...
What I fear... I can’t see...

Time goes... Each day...
Who knows... Which way...?
The world sleeps... Except me...
My heart weeps... So lonely...

I’m calling... calling so someone will find me... to take me away...
I’m falling... falling where Fate wants to take me... I’ll find you someday...

I wish I... Could find her...
This world needs... A Dreamer...
So Call me... Set me free...
And you’ll be... My Angel...

The world could fall over and die...
The Angels could tear up and Cry...
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do...
If I could just keep holdin’ you...

I’m calling... calling so someone will find me... to take me away...
I’m falling... falling where Fate wants to take me... I’ll find you some day...

Calling... hoping you’ll take all my pain away... The love your heart brings...
Falling... So no one will have to fall with me... Will give me my wings...

The wind blows... Through my tears...
The truth knows... My fears...
I’ll come back... To Love you...
This side they... Never knew...

Dreams Found Apart

I did it... after 16 years I found someone who is actually like me... And no... this isnt a crush thing like what happend with Amy in the last few weeks... (She never emailed me back.... *sigh*) After that I was pretty upset... and by a mere chance I started talking to a friend of mine from an online forum... and as I was talking... she was actually finishing my sentences... I was shocked... and overjoyed... She is the first of my kind... and I hope that I shall find more... She told me this: "A poet is the most emotional person in the world" She is right... because we are... and I sort of added onto it... So to commemorate my first contact with a True Dreamer... I wrote this... I'm gonna let her name it...

Dreams Found Apart
Written To, For, And Because of Kaleigh Embree... The First Dreamer I ever met...
(Go to her Blog @ http://kaespaper.blogspot.com )

The path of time marches onward... and the darkness that looms inside slowly consumes me from within... Tempting me with promises that will not be kept... and torturing me with dreams that shatter my heart into pieces. I call out... hoping that my cries for help will be answered... or at least heard... but nothing stirs in the darkness... only the echoes of a fallen soul remain... and this shell that I have become... These people... these people that I have lived with... and grown up with... they don’t understand... They go about their lives... living in the moment... just as I have tried... My heart has been stomped upon... My feelings have been shattered time and time again... My soul has lost its wings at times... falling to the void that lingers in the depths of my being... They look upon my wings... and they laugh... seeing a Dreamer as any common person would... just a fool... with no aspirations but to dream... Forever to the clouds we are branded... I have always wondered why... and yet... I have always known why... You see the world differently... or perhaps... it is I who sees the world differently... Your thoughts... your emotions... your dreams... they are simply that to you... ideas, nothing more... The world around you... and the people that dwell on it, they are just passengers on the vessel as we float down the river of time... You care for and look out for yourselves... and care little, if at all, for the people that travel with you... It is we who look beyond the boundaries of space... and time... We exist in a plain that is unknown to you... We live a life that is riddled with emotion, and confusion... We see with a sight that you will never know... We care with a passion that you have long since lost... We feel a joy that you could only hope for... and we feel a pain that you could never even possibly imagine... And so I stretched my thoughts across the lands... searching for others who sing this song, and live this life... And Far to the North... I found one... Deep within the crystalline snows... is someone... the kind of person I have been searching for my entire life... Though I have never seen her face... her thoughts echo across the skies... and into mine... I have seen wisdom worthy of the greatest of sages in this mind... and yet... she is still filled with youth... The pain that one such as I bears can echo across the skies... and in this pain lies the voice of this woman... Speaking the same words... and bearing the same pain that I have bourn for years... My eyes have NOW been truly opened... and that day I found something I’ve been searching for... I have found a Dreamer... one who speaks with my wisdom, and sees with my eyes... Though I cannot open my heart to this Dreamer... as the boundaries of space are far too vast... and I still have not seen her face... This has been a great day for me... Though a horizon apart... I have finally felt the mind of another... who understands my blight... as I understand hers... And even in her youth... she has taught me a lesson... In this world... there are those like us, The Poets... the first stage of ascension... They are the beings who are given the emotion... They are given the reasoning and the creativity to craft ideas... and forge great works of art... There are countless Poets in the world... all looking for new ideas to create... They are artists with the quill, the pen, and the keyboard... Yet they still lack the ability to see the world the way we do... There upon comes the 2^nd stage of ascension... The Dreamers... People like us... we are much like Poets... We wander the world searching for truth... some of us writing our travels along the way... yet we have a sight that no one else has... The Dreams we have... are more than just ideas to us... It is something we can see, and experience through the mind... These Dreams guide us as we slowly march towards destiny... We walk the same path... yet most of us walk alone... We are the purest people on this earth... innocent and free... Yet... we have not seen the darker side of these gifts... The Dreamers are those given with sight... who have not seen the darkness... as I have... I am a Fallen... The Final stage in this ascended life... We are the Dreamers who have experienced the pain... Anger... Hate... Agony... Emptiness... So many things can bring a Dreamer to this state... Our emotions guide us, and bring fourth a pain that only we, if we survive, can bear... It is a cold existence... Wandering the world... searching for the hope that has been taken from us... Others look towards those who would oppress them... and take action... and some lose everything... and put an end to this miserable existence... yet some of us... refuse to give into this pain... and endure through... Searching... waiting for moments like what I have discovered... For one cannot be both a Fallen and A Dreamer... The Fallen walk alone... and while a Dreamer can be alone... The formers wings can be mended... and their purity can be restored... We are the loneliest people on earth... and there are so few of us... We always walk alone... because there is not one like us in this horizon... I search for others like me... and while I have found none in this land that I live in... I have finally found a Fallen Dreamer such as me... And while seeds of love cannot be sewn... at least for now... I finally have someone to share my emotion, my pain, my soul with... as does she... We understand... something I have never truly found in my life... And so the search goes on... for there are more Dreamers to be found... and more Fallen to ascend... The time will come someday... when the age of the Dreamers comes to this world... For when Dreamers come together... they form a bond... This bond is sacred to them... so sacred that they would die for one another... It is so strong that nothing could ever break it... And as the Dreamers come together... the lands that they dwell in shall become lands of peace... The message shall echo across the skies... as it has for me... and the rest of the world shall hear of our ways... The search continues onward....