50 pages!

Well... as well as having it up here, I write everything on my computer, After writing Mystery Girl, It turns out I have broken 50 pages! A lot of things I deleted, for personal reasons... but Now, after writing a lot more, I'm up to 50! This is with more than one piece on almost every page, plus the pieces that take up multiple pages.

Mystery Girl

We had the Cathedral Duals on Saturday... I met alot of interesting people, but I keep thinking about one of them... I guess I had a little crush *Blushes... and yet feels kinda stupid a the same time* They're fun to have sometimes!!! I know I'm gonna get shit for this... but oh well...

Mystery Girl
(It's LONG!!!)

Today was just supposed to be another day... just like any other... a time to duel... and test my strength and my skills... Little did I know what waited for me on that fateful winter day. I arrived... late as usual... expecting a scolding from my coach. Walking towards my team, feeling embarrassed for missing the bus. Turns out they completely forgot about me... Slightly agitated by my team’s negligence, I shrugged off the thought and waited for the rest of the team to come up from weigh-ins. I explained to my younger team-mates how this whole tournament worked... and as I spoke, I thought about this tournament in the years passed... I won my first match here... that was a momentous day... just like today would turn out to be... Our coach walked out of the locker room and proceeded towards us. As he ascended the bleachers I told him about forgetting me. He laughed about it, and continued up the stairs. He then came toward us, the JV’s, and the people who pretty much came to watch. He then began to explain an “All-Star” team that was being formed due to a team dropping out. He then asked for people to sign up. I raised my hand, thinking what the hell... I’ve got to see where I stand next year. He got the other 4 people’s names and proceeded into the coaches meeting. For the next hour or so we waited, playfully exchanging laughs and insults as any team would do. Coach came back... and huddles the JV’s together. He told us again about this “All-Star” team that was forming. He also gave us the names of those who made the team. Myself, and two others were chosen to be on this team. I was happy, and yet somewhat disappointed for the same reason. I would get to wrestle some varsity matches, and yet I would probably get my ass kicked. I sucked it up... in fact; I dismissed the thought of losing. I would do well today! The team got up and proceeded to one of the eight mats on the gymnasium floor. We sat down for a while, getting as much relaxation as we could before we would begin. We then warmed up for a brief period. I and my two companions proceeded to the mat where our “teammates” were. We introduced ourselves, shook hands, and acted as anyone would have in our situation. That’s when things changed, that’s when I began to learn a very valuable lesson. That’s when I saw her... She was small... actually she was our 103 pounder I would find out later. Looking at her singlet, I noticed she was from Duanesburg, a team I remembered facing the previous year. I was curious... there was something about her that I couldn’t quite put a word to. I dismissed the thought and began focusing on the match. The national anthem was played, and then the tournament began. Our first opponent would be Agawam. I was quite optimistic, considering I was surrounded by a motley crew of junior varsity wrestlers, 3 of whom (we’ll two if you don’t count myself) I had seen wrestle before. I was confident that we would, if not win, at least have a chance at getting some points. They asked for the captains, and we we’re confused, the team then decided to send out the two home wrestlers, they shook hands and the meet began. The mystery girl stepped onto the mat. I was worried; I had seen only a few girls wrestle before, and their performances were usually very sub-par. The referee blew a whistle and the match began. A coach from another team came to talk to his 3 wrestlers who made the team, and being at the right/wrong place at the time. He ended up being our coach. For the next 5 minutes I watched this match. Trying to figure out what it was I saw in this lightweight. From the beginning of the match she seemed confident... not cocky, but determined. Near the end, she turned her kid over and boom, she pinned him. We cheered, our spirits bolstered by the victory. The match continued and I sat and talked with my friend. We talked about the really good moves and wins, and discussed strategies with our makeshift “coach”. She then sat down next to me. I congratulated her, and she accepted my compliment. She seemed focused more on her teams match going on behind us. I thought for a moment... and looked at her... What was I doing? She was from some random school in New York! I knew nothing about her, what was I... some kind of stalker or something? I shook my head and wiped the little attraction I had from my head. The meet continued and we came close, and then fell behind. It got to the point where we had no chance of winning, but I still cheered on my teammates though. Finally it got to me, I knew that Agawam didn’t have a heavyweight, so I didn’t warm up.... much. I took off my warm-ups, donned the straps of my singlet and buckled my headgear. I walked onto the mat and the ref raised my hand... figures. My own team had finished already so I walked back up to our little loft on top of the bleachers. We talked; some of the guys asked me about my match. I told them about the forfeit I got, and they laughed. Not much really happened in between the meet. I talked again with my friend about this little “All-Star” team we had. The topic then came to my mystery 103 girl. She was really good for someone who was clearly under 103, let alone a girl. For a moment I thought again about that little spark. We continued with our little game of insults and inquiries, and once again it was time to begin. Our second opponent was Cathedral, the tournament’s home team. We warmed up and were ready again. This time we huddled up and decided to choose some captains for our little team. I was chosen for this task. I stepped onto the mat, shook the hands of the captains in front of me. The coin flipped, and the choice was given to Cathedral. We lost the toss again I thought. I sighed when they called the odd matches, knowing I would have a tough opponent in the upcoming meet. I sat down and expected you know who to show up... yet for some reason, she didn’t walk onto the mat. It turns out our coach put in another of her teammates to make the team. The match continued... and as my thoughts focused on my opponent, I couldn’t help but slip into distraction. How was my team doing? Was I ready for my match? And again with this mystery girl... who was she? And what the hell am I so intrigued about? These things slipped in and out of consciousness. The meet went by... and I slowly began to bond with my teammates. We talked about our teams, what we’d done, and just had some fun. It then turned out we won... by a lot too... finally my match came. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but I tried. I worked hard, yet due to an error, my victory was robbed from me. I won’t forget the referee that screwed me out of my win. Again the matches continued, and ended. My team lost this time... unfortunate this was... yet I was still very happy that my rat tag team managed to beat a varsity lineup! I rested again, feeling nauseous I went outside to catch a breath. I slept for a half-hour, and returned to my team, telling them of my misfortune. They talked with me about it, and praised me for my accomplishments. I’ve improved in the last 3 years... So I’ve been told. Again we rested, and again we returned to the mats. Our next opponent was Farmington. At first I thought we might have a good chance, seeing that their lineup seemed small, however our coach quickly informed me that they were a very good team. I walked onto the mat again, representing my All-Stars, shook their hands, and the coin was tossed. Again we lost the toss, but I didn’t care. The meet began, and there she was again, eager, ready to fight. She stepped into the circle and began her match. This one was a lot harder than before. We were trying to figure out names, so I asked coach for hers, along with a few more of my new friends. Amy was her name... finally my mystery girl had a name. So I shouted and cheered, hoping she would win again! Alas, she didn’t win, but she gave a good fight. She went to her coach, sat down... and I saw sadness in her face. A few matches went by, as I cheered on for my team. Feeling both sympathetic, and curious, I decided to try and make another friend... I sat down next to her... she watched the match, and cheered for my teammate in the circle. Thinking of both something to say, and how stupid I was for doing this. I tried to comfort her in her loss; she didn’t seem too upset anymore. Another new friend decided to join the conversation. We talked for a little while, and as he left, she told us a little about her self... and as he left, I gave her one of my pep-talk speeches, she talked to me about my match. She smiled, got up and walked back to her team. I thought for a while, about my attempt at this new friend of mine... I call these people my friends... Yet I know nothing about them... and many of them, including Amy, I would probably never see again after today. Yet, I still considered them teammates, and friends. I dwelled on this, but I was tired... so I decided to rest. Time rolled by, and it turned out we lost again... big surprise... Yet we still managed to get a few points. I watched my opponent strut around the mat behind them. He was angry, and I had to be ready. Our 215 came out, tried his best, but was pinned. The Heavyweight match came... my turn. I walked onto the mat, ready for what I thought would be harder than my last match. He came at me, and we grappled, but suddenly I saw an opening. BOOM! Head throw, I had him pinned, but I couldn’t keep both his shoulders on the mat. I let him up, and he was MAD. He came at me and elbowed me in the face... yet nothing was called against him. Again I went for my head throw, but I could not run it. I struggled with him. The period ended, and I was given the choice. I chose down, and got into the referee’s position, you know, hands and knees on the mat. He got on top of me, and the whistle blew. He was tough, he kept elbowing my neck... and STILL nothing was called on him, I managed to make it to my feet, and got my escape. We grappled more, and I had to take him down. I could hear voices cheering me on, but I could not make them out. He grabbed me, and I saw my chance. I bear hugged him and tripped him into the mat. He struggled, but not for long. The whistle sounded and the ref hit the mat. Pin! I stood up and got back into my position. The referee raised my hand and I shook their coach’s hand and walked back to my All-Stars. They were all there cheering for me and among the cheering faces, and hands stretched out to slap mine, was little Amy, smiling and clapping. I grabbed all their hands, tired from my match, then I went to my coach. We had just finished OUR duel with Agawam and prevailed. I told him of my success, and he praised me. My mother came up to us, and the two met. Ironically enough they had never met before, he told my mother of how proud he was of me, and how much I had improved in the last few years. I wanted to stay and talk but I was so tired, finally I returned to our loft, with cheering teammates awaiting my arrival. I rested for a long time... I was exhausted... I could feel the pain in my head, from the burns I received. It was time once more to wrestle... I was still very tired from my last match. Ironically enough, my team was to face her team... And my All-Stars were to wrestle Putnam... the team we wrestled those 2 years ago... when I won my first match... Fortunately both matches were in close proximity of each other. So I was able to watch both... in the middle of the meet, Amy sat down next to me. Again we talked, she told me about her wrestling experience, how she was on a women’s wrestling circuit, and the fact that she was only a freshman. I was shocked, she had had the same amount of wrestling experience as I had, funny coincidence, we laughed, and shared some more stories and laughed about the coincidence we had with each other. I realized that I was slowly... and yet foolishly opening my heart... as I have done and failed miserably in the past. I didn’t try and stop it though... it’s fun to have a little crush every now and then. Our match continued, and it turned out we were going to win against Putnam too! I found this very entertaining, and again it was my time to wrestle. My match came and went... I lost in double overtime, but I put up a good fight, and this time, I had my own teammates, as well as my all stars cheering me on. In the end... I was on my back... desperately trying not to get pinned... and I succeeded, but he won... I stood up, and humbly accepted my loss... I walked off the mat, and my team again congratulated me... I said my goodbyes to a few of our departing teammates, and went back to watch our match... Weight by weight the meet went by, as Amy and I exchanged glances, smiling, and returning to the match at hand. It came down to the last match... Our heavyweight, my mentor... so to speak..., against theirs. This match would be tough, I knew because I wrestled this man last year... and was pinned somewhat quickly... He gave it his best... but he could not win... and so we lost... again humble in our defeat... I stood up and began to shake hands with Duanesburg. Person by person came by, I felt anxious knowing what to expect in a few moments... and there she was... and there we were... for a moment time froze and I my spirits were high in this grim situation... she smiled at me... and for once it was my turn to smile back... “Nice match... you wrestled hard” she said... as she reached for my hand I grasped it... and shook it firmly... not knowing what to say... the only think I could utter was “thanks!” I realized that I had made a friend this day... knowing that in that amount of time it would be lost... I got out of the line and waited... hoping I’d get to see her again one more time. I waited, but I couldn’t find her. I went to gather my things and get ready to leave... I then came back down from our former loft... and waited one more time... hoping to see her one last time... at least to say goodbye... No sign of her... I ran outside... hoping I wasn’t too late... but I was... she had already left with her team... I sighed... happy that I had made new friends today... yet I was still never able to introduce myself to her... or say goodbye. And so I set out for home... I learned something very dear that day... I realized now what this town has done to me... how I’ve been branded, and ignored, hazed, and harassed throughout the years... and while things have settled down... and slowly they open their arms to The Crimson Dreamer... they are still hesitant... and my chances of finding another here are slim to none... Yet now I know... I could make so many friends... in such a short amount of time, and yet struggle for years to find just one in this place... that out in the world... that I will not be alone... that I will find my love... and that it will not be the struggle I have dreamt it would be... someday... Her name still echoes in my head... but as I write this... her face falls from my thoughts... and as I piece it together... I will slowly forget it... as time withers it away... I hope that I may see her again... I like seeing old friends... It will be interesting to see how she, and how they will have grown in the year to come... Too any who may read my thoughts above... It was fun to be a part of this team... and while we probably won’t remember each other by the time the next Northeast Duals comes around... maybe we will meet again... and while most of, (hopefully all of ) us won’t be “All-stars” anymore... It would warm my heart to see you again... Long Live the Northeast All-Stars!

Sonnet I

Lol, I figured, what the hell... so Im gonna start writing sonnets

Sonnet I
With each passing day my trust fades away...
Rising and setting with each passing friend...
Unsure if it will see another day...
Wondering still if this may be the end...
I've been lied to and hurt too many times...
Yet with this truth my spirits are still low...
As life beckons and takes away its rhymes...
With pain inside it's still the truth I know...
Yet if I embrace obvious deceit...
And let my heart soar in this happiness...
Friendships thought lost I shall merilly greet...
I shall not worry on fixing this mess...
Here is to my naivity inside...
With friendship strong the darkness cannot hide!

Fuck it...

If being naive makes me happy... then so be it... *raises glass* Here's to being naive... may deceit bring me happiness... and one day honesty...

Two things

I wrote this before... for an old friend...

The clock ticks forward day by day…
And my mind is still so far away…
In the world at which I want to be…
To continue to forge my destiny…
But something crossed my path in a way…
That brought sunlight to a cloudy day…
In my aching heart deep down inside…
In the old void where my dreams collide…
There were no more clouds and no more rain…
No more sadness and no more pain…
So now I am free of that terrible place…
And who do I thank? Who’s the one I embrace?
The girl who showed me the stars tonight…
And helped me escape my lonely blight…
Who is the girl that I’m talking about?
Take a wild guess… you’ll figure it out…
Called an Angel by them for the things that she did….
But to me, she is rascally known as “Kid”…
Kid I’ve admired for so many years…
As I recovered my soul, and overcame fears…
She has changed my world, the girl that I love…
My only true link to the stars up above…
The world is a desolate place without her…
But she is the answer, she is the cure…
To the worst of pains; a broken heart…
Cracked open wide… and torn apart…
With her laugh and her smile the pain is gone…
And with that the darkness withers to dawn…
I dream of a day when you’re by my side…
Hand in hand on our wings we will stride…
It is only a dream… as much as that sucks…
The idea causes my emotions to flux…
But again Kid is there, and she has the brass…
To give what I needed… a good kick in the ass…
She woke me up from that evil nightmare…
And awoke me into a place where…
That dream doesn’t matter if comes or not…
Because our friendship exists and that matters a lot…
I drift through the ages dreaming of you…
With soul so pure… and heart so true…
And of the day that finally she…
Will find her wings and fly with me…
From a lonely world that writhes in pain…
Away from the clouds… away from the rain…
To an Azure sky… and a Golden sun…
This dream to me has more than begun…
It is real to me… as the life that I live…
The air that I breathe… and the feelings I give…
So what do I see as I turn to the sky…?
I see us… up there… flying high…
With the wind in our faces… and the stars up above…
The clouds at our feet… and our hearts filled with love…
We’d race across oceans… We’d drift in the breeze…
We’d soar up the mountains… with our souls at ease…
Nothing else matters when I’m at her side…
Just the song in my heart… and my eyes opened wide….
To the dreams in my soul that one day we may share…
In this whole new world that I’ve started to dare…
To dream of a future… where Fate is dead…
What a beautiful thing I’ve got in my head…
You’ve taught me so much in the last 4 years…
But there’s one thing you taught me that brings me to tears…
No matter what happens… I believe in you…
Because the way that I see it… Dreams really come true…

And now that dream is gone... and so I've written this...

It’s over now... the end is here...
The worst has happened, just as I feared...
Love has been lost, and friendship wanes...
No one is left to comfort my pains...
I don’t know what happened, how this came to pass...
But now it is gone... shattered like glass...
I was once in love with you...
Forever yours... through and through...
You said you were a friend of mine...
But now I see that is a lie...
All of it was, right from the start...
And so you've gone and torn up my heart...
I thought you were special, I thought you were kind...
You ended despair, and mended my mind...
You meant the world to this shattered soul...
The key for me to become whole...
My life was lost... and you brought me back...
You protected me from societies attack...
I thought you had generosity...
A thing I considered destiny...
Now I know how you really feel...
Ignorance... I’m no big deal...
Just a fool with a heart that you can ignore...
Cast me aside... throw me away...
I’ll just have to wait another day...
More time for me to drown in my tears...
Fall to my fate... and succumb to my fears...
You mark me with your sympathy...
It’s absolutely nothing to me...
I care not for pity; I’m not a fool...
You think you’re so great... you think you’re so cool...
I would have given everything... even die... its true...
But my sacrifice would mean nothing to you...
You wouldn’t remember... not even care...
It’d be just as if I was never there...
So I’ve given up on the quest for your love...
You’ve burned my stars... in the skies high above...
You were everything I ever dreamed for...
But dreams do not come true anymore...

Ding! 

NOTICE

Okay, since people are getting confused, I might as well put this up

****TWO PEOPLE SUBMIT WRITING ON THIS SITE****
Pay attention to the author of the post, If The post is by "DeMarcus" It's Javier. If it's posted by The Crimson Dreamer. Then It's me. Just trying to prevent confusion.

Emtional Disdain

(This was written for a friends in college who i never see anymore...MISS YA ALREADY LIZ AND JOHN!)

From life dawn to dusk
We’ll see our lives in its end
For there was no end to our camaraderie
We recalled our times when we initially met
From simple lives of reading mangas aloud
To staring at the sky above form a refuse container
We shared a year of close contact for a year
But need of higher learning pulled you away
Left broken, I had to pull pieces of our memories together…
I heard you came by locale to see relatives
I was sad you did not call upon me
Days passed, with no hope of my eyes upon you
Then, a new moon brought me contentment
My respite was found in your wisdom
Although it made me feel inferior
I felt warm among your presence
We did as much as any could
I still feel it wasn’t enough
The last day in which we spoke was a meaningful day
Because that was when I knew, I see you again
Although I know you’ll be gone for a while…
Remember, “Shinjite Iru Cara”

Dedicated to my close friend, comedian, and poet… Liz Ryan

Seasons vol. 2

boo ya! okay i reveled more facts about everyone and extra stuff that my friends can figure out... here

Summer Starting Anew (season’s unchanged vol. 2) by: Javier “DeMarcus” Guevara

I remember this time; it was the time when things were still within my grasp. I have only just met her, and we were on a friend basis. The sun was warm, the trees and the fauna were in full bloom. The days were long without classes at Tokyo U, and they seemed even longer with the sun resisting to fall like many other innocent days, it was a time when I still had my so called “normal” life. Everything and everyone I had were all a part of my boring life.
I remember my last day of classes; she and I were waiting to meet at the pond after we were dismissed by our professors. I could care less what my teacher had to say on my last class, because finals were done, and I knew I did well. I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. Well, at least not in school anymore. (Unless I took organic chemistry)
Oh I rejoiced as any person would when they hear parting words from a professor or an institution, even if only temporary. (Still had another year left in me) I don’t know how, but even though I was in the second row, I was the last one out of the door. Embarrassing really, but not as embarrassing as the parting words of my professor. Throughout my years of comprehension of educating systems, I expected cliché’ expressions like “good job” or “looks like I’ll see you next year” with a malevolent chuckle. Now of all times, he decided to break all ties of professionalism and tell me to take care of her daughter. It seemed like he really held me in high regard to his daughter, but it seemed like he was the only one. Maybe it was because he really got to know me through teaching or maybe because I really tried in his class and didn’t have anything bad to say about him. Whatever it was, it made me feel good.
It was noon; in fact the moon was in the highest placement I’ve ever seen in all my years of reality. The sun decided to hang over me particularly, like a lonesome watchman. All I can remember thinking was that this was the best time if ever to get a chance to see she would start a closer relationship. Of course, there was nothing I could do, other than trying to wing it. I said that to myself because that’s who I was, and she wouldn’t want anything (or anyone) else.
Finally, around 12:45, she came over the bridge to our unique place. We called it… M’iel. It was our little world, because no one ever came here for some reason, and it had really exotic plants from around the world. We made it our duty to keep them alive, since they were put there by some seniors who wanted a quick A on a project. Then they never took care of them again. (Bastards) Some died regardless, because they were planted lazily, (dumbasses) or because they just weren’t supposed to be in this kind of climate. (Jackasses)
It was a beautiful summer, we were close, and yet we had our distance. We both saw that our friendship was growing a bit more rapidly than we expected. We would always see each other every day, yet we never had a dull moment. I would have to call on one of our best days, it was a Saturday in July, and we decided to see a play. We didn’t care what kind, because we just wanted to go just so we could see if we could enjoy it like most other adults do. A childish excuse yes, but a reason none the less. The truth was we loved it. It was a gothic play, with themes of love, sacrifice, and honor. (It had vampires and angels too!) We decided that we’d write our own, and someday… Live it.
If I wasn’t with her, she was off to her grandfather’s house. It was a long trip, but I had a job, so I only went when my schedule allowed it. I remember that her grandfather was just as tolerant as her father was. He lived an hour away from the city, in the countryside where life seemed to stand still in a chrono freeze, like the lush forest in the crisp winter. Life didn’t affect that prefecture, for all I know, the world could have been brought to its knees, and I would not have known. When we stayed there, we would have pleasure just writing, reading, and sitting out, looking around and talking to each other. Then, like all good times, the summer was reaching an end without warning.
We decided we’d spend a late night in our distant world of M’iel. We met around 10, where the only people in the general vicinity were people on a walk through the night for their own reasons of self discovery. The university had a way of doing that. I knew that the world was away now; I would finally see what she wanted with our relationship. We sat under a tree, and talked like we always did, but then, she came to me under the tree and said that there’s more for us to do in the upcoming seasons. I opened myself to speak words of comfort to help the feelings she expressed to me. She interrupted my words with a far more meaningful expression. She pressed her lips upon mine, as I felt a giant release from my anguish of greed.
The summer was over at the end of this night, and as the moon faded farther, the summer was officially at a close. We decided we’d remember every season by doing something meaningful we’d remember forever. This summer we decided to leave ourselves in this land, now and forever away from all those who judged us. Instead of destroying the tree by engraving into the bark like other typical lovers did, we left a plant, nurtured by ourselves, that way we grew it only out of love for each other.
We left a little sign for all… It said…

Our Summer Dream,
Apollo
+
Quistis

Story By: DeMarcus

The Fallen

My latest piece... It's broken two of my records... one for the most amount of lines... (and being my longest poem), and being one of if not the most depressing thing I've ever written...

What can I say.... enjoy?

The shadows linger as the light fades away...

Never to see another day...

With Fate to laugh upon despair...

Empty love that is never there...

Walking earth I dwell alone...

Life is such a painful moan...

Darkness in lives... Darkness in deaths...

Darkness resides... as we drift through the depths...

Friendships are broken... Dreamers are lost...

Death to the fallen... no matter the cost...

Shattered and broken we fall to our doom...

A void of emptiness and gloom...

It is life for these people... people like me...

Never to face our destiny...

Forever trapped inside the shell...

Caught in wastelands of an endless hell...

The struggle we face lies deep within...

And the outer world corrupt with sin...

Up we look and watch for you...

The key for us to pass on through...

To a forgotten place... your wonderful life...

Void of our pain and void of our strife...

You bask in your glory as we drown in sorrow...

You embrace your today and we hope for tomorrow...

You rob our emotion... all we have left...

Is this void in our hearts... An ominous cleft...

I now know there is nothing to escape from this place...

Only hide this existence under the face...

Hidden from the world we know...

For it is only here that we can show...

The warmth I have in this dark hole...

As it plagues my mind and tortures my soul...

It may ruin my being day after day...

But now I realize that it is my way...

To have fallen this far... there is no way out...

Only a glimpse of a world without...

This void that has buried me inside my mind...

Maybe someday I’ll be able to find...

Not the key, or a door... but the answers I seek...

To the questions inside... of which I speak...

What is inside my fallen Dreams?

Is love really the way it seems?

What is my true Destiny...?

Will I find my Identity...?

Where exactly is my faith...?

Is it my mind where I am safe...?

So many questions... with nothing to find...

Just the emptiness inside my mind...

I feel my emptiness inside...

I’ve lost my dignity.. and lost my pride...

I’ve lost my Love... and my trust too...

I’ve lost my hope... and I’ve lost you...

What left do I have in this empty heart...?

Without a hope... I’ll fall apart...

Without a pride... I’ll have nothing to face...

Without a dignity I am a disgrace...

Without a Love I have less than before...

And Without you... nothing to Dream for...

I have nothing now inside my soul...

Just this void... this empty hole...

I look to you to live for tomorrow...

While I still have my guidance that you can still follow...

Do not turn around... don’t even look back...

For you have the promises that I’ll always lack...

You may feel my sorrow and for this you may wait...

As I hate to admit... your far too late...

Do not cry for me... for tears burn my face...

For Fallen am I to reach such a place...

Do not Dream for me for it will not come true...

For a Dreamer am I to craft thoughts of you...

Do not Love for me... for Love is a lie...

To rob me of your starlit sky...

Do not live for me... for you’ll see a new day...

For Death am I... to send you away...

To live your life as happiness declares...

Not to delve and fret in my sad affairs...

Never to stand tall once more...

Never to mend my broken core...

Never to embrace the warmth of love...

Never to finally rise above...

A Pic of my room ... I guess... (my arm moved while taking a pic. Like the wrestling Poster? = P 

I made this picture using photoshop (Thanks a lot Jav!) Jav helped me a lot, 1 by teaching me how to use ps. and he helped me with the text, and the picture in the middle. The swords are from before (I redid the model again, and Im probably gonna redo them again... I found a sword model that looks EXACTLY how I wanted The blades to look) 

Holiday stuff

I wrote some stuff for people over the holidays... (Merry X-mas and happy new year everyone)
but one of em I like a lot, so im putting it up
The part in the middle was actually written to me by Elyssa... thanks a a lot ^_^

For Elyssa

The midnight stars shine above my eyes as I look up to a velvet sky... Time is motionless, and I can feel the cool night breeze brush across my face... Nothing echoes in my mind... Nothing matters... not anymore... My heart is full with the friendships that have guided me for a lifetime... Darkness no longer lingers... and Fate’s grasps slowly dies... The events of my life have begun to change again... and now things have happened that I have never thought possible... A world has finally opened it’s eyes to me... ME of all people... My spirit shows and they do not laugh... My smile is broad yet they do not mock... My wings are spread... but they do not fear... My mind returns to the task ahead... as I glance up at the beautiful night...

The world... my world... has begun anew... a New Year... a new dawn... a new horizon to reach... A new dream to find... as I quest to find my destiny... Alas I look upon this majestic sky, yet I share this vista with no one... yet I am no longer in vain... Fate no longer binds my soul... and Love no longer curses my heart... Friendship is the maiden I embrace... for now... and as the night serenades the world with song, with sight, and with promise... I stand... and look upon a rising moon... in my hand is the piece...

Like a flower in the winter

You are different

Special too

Your support and help

Means much

When I don't know what to do

Times are not always great

But your strong

And can make it now

Your heart and good sprit

Will take you far

Even when at first

You don't know how

The heart of another... The work... the blood, the sweat, the soul, and the emotion of a friend... lie in these words. I embrace it... knowing that after years of kindness and generosity... That I have opened another’s eyes to the dreamer’s world... She has seen her share of darkness... and cried her share of tears... yet I have been able to do nothing for her... yet... she is not in vain... for a simple mantle of friendship has given us a bond... a bond that shall heal our wounds... and drain our sorrow... and for this... I have gained a student... an apprentice... a friend... and now I hold in my hand a reward for my troubles... Never had I sought, or expected such a wonderful gift... and I cherish the thought... and the emotion that was put into creating it... I raise my hand to that rising moon... and I decree... that this night shall be dedicated to you... my apprentice... for you have brought me a light I have never seen... and a skill I hoped I would one day pass on... I shall take it upon myself to teach you the ways of the dreamer...

seasons vol. 1 (jav is back, hey!)

Seasons unchanged, by: Javier “DeMarcus” Guevara

We’ll be young forever, that’s what we said…

We met in a park about 2 years ago. It didn’t matter how right now, that’s a story for another time. She was 15, I was 17. I was a junior, she was a freshman. Age didn’t matter to us, I mean out parents were at least 8 years apart, and they still hold a healthy relationship, well at least my parents. She was very reluctant in enlightening me on her relationship with her parents. All she told me was that they broke up a long time ago.

We met in the spring, it was the clichéd season of romance, but a cliché has to be true if it’s said so many times. She had such a cold exterior, but once we shared each other and opened up, we were like the best friends. I could be myself more around her...And she the same. We were so blissfully happy, well, at least I was.

The fall, we became much more than friends, we knew everything about each other, even random useless facts, like her favorite flavor of pocky. She found out my favorite kind of car. We started to be a romantic couple, kissing after times of bliss, talking about our future like what we were going to do with our lives. We always joked around saying that there was no way we’d grow old, without do something important with our lives.

In the winter, an idea arose. We wrote a dissertation, it was for school. She helped me, we felt like we were one mind. It began to shape the way people thought. We felt like there was something more for us, a cause for our union. Of course, no extraordinary work can go unchecked. We then got the wrong kind of notoriety. Accusations began to destroy our credibility as authors, even as people.

The spring was cold, as if god delayed the warmth form both the outside and from within. We never left each other, but we began to carry a more solitary life, from seeing each other every day, and between every class. Now we passed each other a friendly glance as if to tell the other that everything was alright, but in my true conscious, nothing was right, in fact we were losing ourselves. As the spring came to an end, I felt as if I had to make myself move on, knowing that I had plenty of years left in me to find whatever it was I was looking for.

Summer time kept us even farther apart, she had obligation to her parents. This summer she had to spend with her father, in a far away place. I planned to visit her, but I felt that we drifted to far apart for me to show up unexpectedly at her door. I thought she might take my presence in a most unexpected way. So I decided not to see her, and maybe I could try to find another, to see if she was really as important as my mind may have deceived me into believing.

Another solstice down, as the leaves began to fall in this season. I began to worry, for I have not seen her and school has already convened. I’m scared because she might have decided to stay with her father. Was it because of me? Was it my entire fault? Did I cause her that much sorrow that she felt she had to avoid me entirely? No, I knew her better than anyone else; she was never one to run away, not even in love. No wait, especially in love. Days passed, and still no words were spoken between us, that is, until one moon, I was reached through her mother. She proclaimed that she’s been in the hospital for quite some time now, and that until now, she was unable to speak words till she woke from her trance. I was informed that I was the first person she wanted to see. I rushed to another far off land, in search of her. When I found her, she was in tears, unknowing If I was to be at her side. When we could finally hold each other in our arms, we felt nothing more than the touch of each other; we knew things would mend again.

The winter was cold once again, but no bitterness from the condensed water kept our lives in any affliction. We found time trapped in the dwellings of a snowbound city. There was no one to see, and nowhere to go. It was a perfect time for us to catch up, and even to discover some things new to ourselves. We reflected upon everything we encountered from trivial encounters, to life altering experiences. One topic we still left on was the desire to stay young. We were so wrapped in the beliefs of our words, we spent days, no weeks trying to figure a way for us to stay young, and together everlastingly. We had a plan, but something didn’t set right with me.

The calendar, the TV, and the radio all told me it was spring, but I knew it wasn’t. Because there was snow still throughout the land, and we still haven’t found a resolve. She said she would remain frozen forever now, the way she is, with me. I felt like she was scared, I admit, so was I, but everyone was at one point. We just needed to find a way to continue. One day, she left me a note, simple lettered massage, which was unlike her. It was just a note saying meet me here at a certain time. As any intrigued or concerned lover, I followed my heart’s decision to pursue her request. I found her standing on the edge, the edge of life, reason, and love. She had only two questions for me. The first one was if I really wanted to stay this way forever. The second was if I really loved her. I know that I was foolish, I answered in the wrong order. The first thing I said was that I loved her since I knew her, and that I will always love her no matter what we go through. The last words she said to me was that she then knew that she had made the right decision in loving me, and that she knew that I would make the right decision for us. Then in that instant, we were one, even though we were 100 stories apart, we were now unified by one spirit. I had to make a decision, what was I going to do?

Now I know its spring, because the snow melted, and my life is born anew. She is always with me now, though fingers were pointed, no one could cast me away for what we had. It was easy to blame society, or some type of emotion, but the truth was, there was nothing to blame but love. I had been notified that she had three things on her, the day she left this realm. There was a letter addressed to me, a letter to her life, and one left for the world. I will make sure her dream is carried on, you will hear her decree, and I hope she can stay young within your heart.

One day I will find her, and I’ll meet her in the one place she needed not to touch solid ground, but we will hold on, in a place much higher, a place where I wouldn’t have to wait for the warmth of the sun, a time where the next season was never a worry, a place where the summer beams the beautiful sun. A place it would always be like the fall, where the leaves would fall as she did so gloriously. Then a place like the winter, where the snow set down; like she did on my soul. Finally, a new spring for me, where I could start my life over. Just like she gave me, quite some time ago.

there, I really enjoyed it, but what it is, is a basic story, that im gonna go into depth, and expand, as i go back in the story. A funny paradox, but its original, and fun to do