A New Chapter...

Wow... it's been a year since I started this site... and began this part of my journey... I want to remember this day... but alas I have no time to write about it right now... I will write something tomorow and add it...

Heres to a new chapter in The Chronicles of the Crimson Dreamer...

The Odyssey

My latest piece... quite happy with this one... wasn't expecting to write it so soon... but w/e

Enjoy...

The Odyssey

And so begins the odyssey… the journey that I shall take into my mind… to explore the emotions inside my heart… I have been preparing for so long… trying to prove myself… Fighting for those whom I love… I have come so far… it’s finally beginning to change… my life… my world… it’s becoming so clear… No longer just a sparkle in the night… The light shines high above my head… and I face the darkness that drifts just below… This life… it is no longer one of conflict… of strife… of pain… I see the world now… I see with opened eyes once more… I feel the freedom that once blessed my heart… I feel the joy echo through my soul… I am ready now… and so I take the dive… and enter my mind… Such a different world… torn apart by the emotion of my life… There are so many thoughts… so many ideas… so many dreams racing across the horizon… it is so amazing… to see what lies inside here… I can feel the emotions that I have embraced all my life… and even so, I can still see the fight that I face every day… The constant battle with darkness and light… good and evil… Joy and Sorrow… And yet I continue to fight... although I cannot see what the future holds for me… and I do not know what lies ahead down my path… I am more certain now… than any moment before in this life… I feel free… no longer bound by the chains of life… No longer trapped in the will of Fate… I am free… to do as I please… to fly where my wings will take me… Wings… I finally have them… and I can see myself… transforming into the being that I have always desired to become… My ascension begins here… with you… You have been in my mind for quite some time now… since the day I met you… I thought you were different… special… and now my heart has blossomed once again… and for the first time in my life… I’ve felt those feelings come back… I’ve embraced the winds of love… I’ve freed myself of this void… I do not know where our paths shall go… but I hope that I may share mine with you… This is the first side… the beginning of my emotions… Joy… Happiness… Freedom… This is what I have become now… After so many years… this side of me has finally awoken once again… My inner child… my inner being… my essence… that has been locked away for so many years… has finally been released… Life is no longer a search… a meaningless quest to find a light I thought I could never seek… I’ve found it… and I am happy once again… I do not feel the strife that has toiled my soul for so many years… the scars upon my body have begun to heal… and slowly fade away… It brings joy to my heart to know that I am no longer afraid… of the life that may never come… and the happiness I’d never find… for it’s here… after all my searching… all my dreaming… all the tears in the night… and the pain I’ve had to suffer… after all the friends I’ve gained and lost… and those precious few I would defend to the death… I’ve found my resolution… and so I must delve deeper… into my soul I must go… Into the past… a place I would dare not travel… for even now it still haunts the deepest recesses of my soul… but I must continue… every path must have a valley… and with the strength that I have gained… I feel that I am ready… and so I dive deeper into the mind… The present slowly falls away… and I am now in a world of the past… I can see myself once again… lost… with shattered wings… and broken dreams… I see a boy… not a man… a boy… lost in the struggle of his life… caught between the pain given to him by those around him… and the conflict that rests inside himself… This was my time… and although it scars me to know what has happened to me in the past… the innocence that was raped from this child… I know now… after so many years have passed… It had to be done… the tears… the sorrow… the pain… have made him stronger… have made me stronger… Even here I can feel the pain of the past… the burden that has haunted me for such a long time… but I know now… these were the trials that I had to face… so that I could look inside myself… and find the dream that has given me this undying hope… I know the despair that lies in the past… I know the loneliness… and the emptiness that plagued my childhood… I know the pain that I felt when I locked myself away… when I had no one else to turn to… It all seems worth it now… For I do not know the kind of man I would have become if it weren’t for these trials… Yes they hurt me deeply… and yes I still feel the repercussions today… but I am stronger… wiser… happier now… because of that… These hands that have forged so many Dreams… and shaped so many lives… They have truly made a difference in those lives whom I love… Although I have brought on conflict in the past… I feel like I have changed their lives… as they have changed mine… I no longer need to fear the past… I no longer need to fear the pain… I walk to myself… a child… lost in a sea of tears… and give him the embrace that he has longed for… I feel the innocence that had been stripped away… the joy that was defiled into sorrow… and the Apathy of life that was reshaped into a universe of emotion… I am thankful now… for everything that has happened to me… but yet still I must delve… into the depths of my soul… where my secrets… and my dreams lie… and so I dive deeper… into the darkness… into the void… and yet… as I continue to fall… I can see light approaching… and as I cross the threshold… I am blinded by it… here… in the deepest corners of the soul… lies the Dream that started my path… Here I stand before Hawk Dynedockia… Lord of Chronia… Master of Time… The Great Crimson Blade of Dreams, Shi’Te’Ku in his hand… this… this is my destiny… I stand before the being I have always wanted to become… even now… a woman stands by his side… Mana… This is the life I have always wanted to live… and this is the hope that has always brought me from the darkness… I put my hand out… trying to give a feeling to something never thought to be tangible… their hands meet mine… and so many thoughts race across my head… the Past… Present… and Future… all combined into this moment… Time has no meaning here… This world is forged by emotion… and brings light even in my darkest hour… it is here that I have retreated too… here in the depths of my soul… You are my hero… and as I speak those words… I shake my head… confused… I point to the figure behind me… I turn around… and here… here of all places… I see you… standing tall... I point to you… I walk towards myself… Two entities… One dream… Our hands meet once more… and a great flash of light envelopes us… the light clears away… and now only one remains… it is I… The true Crimson Dreamer… The embodiment of both… This is the person I truly wish to become… Master of both worlds… of both lives… This is the Destiny… My Destiny… I walk again towards those eyes… towards you… you look back at me… with those curious eyes… I reach out towards you… and you towards me… our hands embrace… and I look again into those eyes… where yet another world resides… I am truly happy… now… and as I fall lost into the spheres of your world… I realize now… it is you… who is my Hero... it is you who has let me seen the side of me that I have always thought lost to Fate… it is you who has let me embrace the winds of Love… and it is you who has looked into the eyes of The Crimson Dreamer… and found the truth… You embraced me… you smiled at me… You are my wings… and You have forever changed this world of mine… Now the Odyssey is complete… I feel myself awaken from the Trance… My journey is complete… My soul is at peace… and my life is finally down another path… The path of both Dreamer… and Destiny… I am both… My name is Matthew J. Casartello… and inside my soul rests the human Chronius… the personification of my life… and the greatest warrior Time has ever known… the Chronian, Hawk Dynedockia… This is me… this is everything… this is the man that I have become… and I am proud to share this life with all of you… Thank you… everyone…

New Work Coming!

New work is on the way! I'm just waiting for the right idea to write about... It'll be good though! I gaurentee it!! ^_^

Just to let people know, this sites birthday is coming up... may 30th... Im gonna write something for that too!

I don't know...

I've made a poor choice... and I regret what I have done... yes I did what was right, but how I did it was wrong... and now I've started another war... I am lost to this... I tried to save them... and I failed...

What have I done…? What have I caused…? All of this darkness that lurks around me… It is pain… it is sorrow… it is suffering… and it is because of me… My friends… the people I love so much… I have betrayed them… and now they have begun a war… all because of me… They are lost… trapped inside conflict… Locked in war… because I tried to do what was right… I am a fool… I took life into my own hands… and I’ve failed them… I’ve failed them all… I do not deserve to live for what I have done… The path stands still now… All is quiet… all is dark… I know what has happened… I know what has been done… I am alone…. I look down onto these hands…. These hands… these are my hands… They have caused so much destruction… so much pain… so much strife…. Time has ravaged them into these instruments of corruption… I stand and try to look for the stars… but I know that I will not find them… I feel the hole underneath me beginning to open… The void… the void it returns to me… I can feel it calling out my name… The shadows around me begin to grow… and I can hear the cries of those that I have forsaken in my head… I fall to my knees… and I scream out in agony… This is my fault… All of this pain was caused by me… ME!! I set out on a path of peace, of righteousness… and of friendship… and now I have sent the sky crashing down onto those that I love… The pain shoots across my body… I can feel it eating away at my mind… All of this… all of it… is me… It is my fault… it is my doing… it is these hands… I am lost to this… Darkness has consumed me once again… I have fallen… I am forever trapped to this fate… My eyes open and the chaos is gone… I wake up into a place I remember far too well… It is my void… yet I feel like I am really here for the first time… No longer an instrument of my mind… but I am actually in this place… The rain pours down on my head… and the tears fall down my face… I have wronged them all… All of this is my fault… It started with a falling friend… and I did what I had promised I’d do… I won’t let them fall… I swore to them that… I swore to myself that… But upon catching her… I took matters into these hands of mine… I took away the shroud… I showed her the light of truth… and it was too much for me to do alone… I was wrong to do so… Even though my intentions were just… And now I have started this war… this fight… this strife… I have ruined their lives… and lost their trust… I’ve failed them… I love them so much… I would die for any one of them… and now I have betrayed them… and myself… Look what you have done? Look at the pain that you have caused? You are the instrument of Sorrow… and a Harbinger of Destruction… These are your hands… and you are a fool… I no longer wish to escape this place… for it is here I belong… I cannot hurt anyone here… my freedom only brings sorrow to others… and that is not something that I want… I am finally here… in this place… alone… where I cannot save them… or hurt them… This life is so hard to live… I swear that I will not let them fall… but what if those who do are at conflict? Which hand to I catch? Which side do I take? I cannot save them both… as much as I want to… one has to fall… and I can’t make the choice… and yet I did… and out of the truth I brought on nothing but suffering… And so I have fallen again… destroying the wing that I had… and now I am left to this place… I know that I shall find a way out… I always do… but if I ever encounter these people again… I deserve to die for what I did to them… My life is in their hands… and I do not seek forgiveness… because I do not deserve it for the problems that I have caused… and so I rise up from the charred ground… and I slowly walk away… into the mists that shroud this world… It is the only place that I am safe… it is the only place that they are safe… I will never have the freedom I seek… without hurting the people I love… Too much emotion… so confused… lost to the tides of Fate… Dreamer… Hawk… save them… please… for I cannot cause them any more pain…


I'll make it up to you someday... all of you...

New work...

Well I was writing something... and I sorta went in all sorts of directions... this is a combination of a poem, and a few different pieces... Things have been rough for us lately... and I guess I wrote this to give us a little bit of hope...

Another Nameless piece

Another echo in the night…
Another sunset watched alone…
Another afternoon delight…
Another day I think of home…
The light shines brightly on my face…
And Fate no longer scorns this path…
I ask my self to pick up the pace…
For I no longer fear my brother’s wrath…
Time is inching forward still…
As it always will until the end…
I am no longer on this hill…
Without a broken soul to mend…
Life shall blossom in my heart…
Destiny shall see me through…
Life’s no longer torn apart…
And with this hope I turn to you…
With cloudy skies above your head…
And tears of pain inside your soul…
It is the life I used to dread…
To fall into that void of a hole…
You will not fall to emptiness…
You will not suffer as did once I…
You will rise up to happiness…
You will see starlight in the sky…
I have the wings I need to fly…
You have the heart to see the light…
No matter how much I have to try…
I’ll see you through this arduous plight…
A broken heart brings so much pain…
A broken soul is void of life…
You will not drown inside the rain…
I will not let you lose this strife…
And so the journey goes… walking forward into a sea of conflict and despair… Ready to bring fourth the power of Moses to this place… I know how difficult the task is ahead of me… I know that I may not be able to handle the surge that comes my way… but I will not falter to the sea… The ones I love are drowning… lost inside the currents… they are falling as I once did… They have not reached the void… and I will not let them see that world… And so I raise my hands to the sky… and call fourth the power of time… the world… the life… existence rests in the palm of my hand… Even I can feel the power… the strength inside he who is my hero… My creation… the Dreamer that has forged my destiny… It is his will that drives me forward… and it is his strength that gives me the power to open the eyes of this world… I stretch my hands out… Calling out to this world… and as I curse my corrupted brother, I dive into the maelstrom… Inside this place… I know it all too well… Here I am… ready to answer the calls of my Fallen allies… I no longer bear the chains that kept me here so long ago… and the Wings of Time rest upon my shoulders… I grab hold of those who have fallen into these depths… my friends… my allies… the people that mean so much to me… new and old… I hold on with all my strength as the currents drive me across the horizons… Time moves so slowly here… one cannot see down here without open eyes…
I will not let you lose this strife…
The dream ends… and I awake from a slumber… hands wet with sweat… I look up to the sky above… And endless sea of stars… I long to be up there again… With those wings that I still seek… and with the hand of she who will stand by my side… I long to find that destiny that lies deep inside my soul… To embrace the will of Hawk Dynedockia… and to truly become the Crimson Dreamer… I continue down the path I have forged… it is he who has the strength… but it is I who possess the will… and the Dream… He is my creation, and no matter how strong I want him to be… he still only exists inside my mind… I open my ears to the world around me… and I see the pain around me… my friends who are struggling to keep with the will of Fate… problems of Love and of friendship… and the problems that have come my way… the pain that I have caused in the last few months… though not out of anger, or by intention… I see now the troubles that I have caused… the people I have inadvertently left behind… and yet I still shout their names… and they still reply… I am thankful now… the embrace such a friendship… I will not abandon them… any of them… and while some fall now, and other drift in the winds as I do… none shall ever reach the ground… not while I can live… not while I can fight… not while I can fly…
I will not let you lose this strife…
This is the freedom that I seek… the resolution that I have found in the recesses of my mind… Time is my ally once again… and I have opened my soul to it’s depths… This is the way I want to be… and while the troubles of my friends may not let me be in this state… I would rather let them see this light… even if it means I can’t… I would rather then be happy… even if it means I am sad... I would rather them see hope… even if it means I am in despair… I would rather them live… even if it means that I cannot… They will not fall… so long as I am here… I will not let you lose this strife...

River of Time

I finally have something to add here again... I got home from work... and I just wanted to write this... I would say it takes a neutral perspective in the emotional spectrum, but I'm very pleased with it... enjoy!

Note: The random words at the end, I made it all up, it doesn't mean anything, and no I'm not going to write a Chronian Language... I just felt like making something random, and Manu Du Vortis is actually Latin for Watch in Awe...

The River of Time

Life… it is so complicated… but in the end so simple… so chaotic… and yet so peaceful… so evil… and yet so kind… There is darkness… but in the end light… Despair… but in the end hope… We are but vessels in the river of time… slowly drifting towards the shores of destiny… Where we embark, and when we drift astray are all governed by the winds of Fate… Yet we are in control of the sails… Life is an endless contradiction… A tide in the swirling pools… Nothing is ever expected… nothing is ever truly known… nothing is ever truly understood… We stand here… in this point in time… hand in hand, singing our song to those who will answer the call… Darkness is around every corner… and behind that shroud lies the uncertainty of the future… The one riddle that no scholar can ever solve… There is no shortcut down the River of Time… There is no seeing the future… Nothing is written… but the fate that exists in each of us… We have been given the will… and the power to control the path which we take… and yet at the same time we are all lost to the will of Fate… I stand here… no longer alone on this path that I walk… No longer sailing alone down the river… I have all of you here with me… as we sing this song of ours… We sing of the freedom that has been promised to us… we sing of the glory that will one day cross our paths… we sing of the hope that brings us into that uncertain future… we sing of the Dreams that guide us in times of despair… With each passing day I forge another dream… another idea another spark to set off the fires of the mind… Even now I still Dream of the wonders that have still yet to cross my path… Destiny… and Love… Every sunset… Every starry sky… Every wind that has blown across my face… Every friend that has taken this path with me… Every friend who has abandoned it… the pain… The Joy… The Hope… the despair… The Happiness that has brought me here… and the sadness that has given me the strength to forge these notes… And yet even in this state of bliss… I am still to face a conflict inside my soul… not with myself… but with the Fate that watches all of us… that decides to make the world turn upside down… We stand together as we slowly drift down into the depths of chaos… but even as we fall… we have The Wings of each other to save us from the brink of destruction… Even when we are scattered we are together… Even when we are alone… we are all here… ready to catch the next to fall… And ready to welcome the next to rise… We each have our own battles to fight… Love to pursue… Destiny to create… and time to use… Each vessel has its own course to follow… no matter how similar… no voyage is the same… And while we may not end up together… while the current may take us to distant places… and after these moments go by we may never see each other again… but as The River continues to flow… the moments that bring us here together down this place are forever etched into the waters… Each memory… each vessel leaves behind its own scar upon the world… it is up to the captain to decide if it be a Beacon of Hope… or a Cringe of Terror… So what is inside my vessel? I have a ship full of Dreams… and though it has been a lonely voyage so far… I do not always worry of that… I know the stars will shine for me some day… I know that I will embrace the future that is meant for me… and I will face the struggles that this river brings to me… I no longer fear the winds of Fate… I will continue towards the Shores of Chronia… Where I shall find the Blade of Dreams… and Face My Hero’s Brother… The Hero I want to become… The Master of this River… He has shown me the way so far… and even still he guides me… but the day will come when I ascend… and take that name… and hold that blade… and bind my soul to his… We shall become one… as I search for She who will hold my hand… my Mana… The Legend… no… the Prophecy… it is unfolding even now… and though I may never truly find the Wings of Time… or hold Shi’Te’Ku in my hands… I may never hold the power to change the tides to the River of Time… I may never Fly… but I will always keep sailing… My life is no longer bound to these winds… I have broken free form the chains of fate… and I have freed myself from the void inside… The next step is to find you… for I cannot face this Destiny alone… Where are you? Who Are you? When will I find you? I do not know how long I will look… but I know I will find you… And these questions will no longer be the burden of my soul… This Destiny is ours to share… and We shall face it together… Mi’Thalas Dim No’roth Le Shi’Te’Ku… U’Thirak Shin’baria nok Chronia… To embrace the Blade of Dreams… is to return to Chronia… Manu du vortis… Watch in awe… This is the beginning… the start of the Journey… of the Crimson Dreamer…