Return

Schools back... blah... Well I woke up this morning... and I had a PERFECT IDEA for something to write about... the very first thing I ever wrote...

As the wind rolls by, I sit upon a rock on that cliff, overlooking the sea. The day begins to wither away, as a crimson haze spreads across the horizon. The wind blowing sand in my face. I still sit, watching the waves roll into the shore. Soon, the sun sets, and night falls upon the earth, the wind howls, and the demons begin to walk the earth. As the stars begin to shine their light, and the water becomes black. Still, I gaze at the horizon, just slightly visible, waiting. Waiting for the light to return, when the sun rises behind my soul, and the light pours across the sky. So I can see the tide roll in, and drift away, and so I can see that crimson haze, as the day withers into oblivion, and the demons return, always thinking of the light, when the evil that walks the earth, returns to the darkness that it spawned from.

4 years have passed since then... and I thought I should return... so I wrote this... enjoy!

Return

Here I stand upon this place… a cliff… looking over the sea… My head held high towards the sunset on the horizon… The wind whispers in my ear… an echo to the serenity that surrounds me… but wait… this all seems very familiar… Yes… I’ve been here before… This is the place I began my journey… those many years ago… It was here that I set down my path… and began to sing the Dreamer’s song… The Chronicles of The Crimson Dreamer… they began here… with me… standing upon this very rock… looking out towards the sunset… My world was so different then… I was young… I was scared… I was lost… My world was full of evil… I was the last spec of light… in a world full of darkness… There was so much pain… so little hope… It so much… but I started down the path of the Dreamer… knowing what stood in my way… 4 years have passed since that day… So much has changed since then… Here I stand… 4 years older… 4 years wiser… 4 years stronger… So many questions have been answered… I finally have a purpose in my life… I’ve mastered the ability to forge dreams… I have faced an entire society to the point of acceptance… and I have destroyed a void that has tormented me since I started this journey… This world of mine… it is not as evil as I had once thought… I’ve opened many eyes in this place… and while no one here sings the song… I have found others who will… Many of them… who have listened to my stories… and begun to create paths of their own… And what is most important to me… I have found light in others… people out there who do not hide behind a mask… people who show the truth with every emotion… I can finally let go of the tapestry of lies that has shadowed me for so long… I have found my place in this world… I now know where my destiny lies… and I know what I must do to reach it… The sun slowly begins to set… and the moon rises into view… I see clouds overhead… Fate has brought them here… For beyond all my accomplishments… Despite the pain that I have overcome… and the challenges that I have faced… This path is still mine alone… My love has come and gone… passing from one set of eyes to the next… I’ve been searching for all these years… to find another soul to share this lonely path… Many a time I believed to have found one… but yet, I still stand here alone… It’s been a lonely 4 years… but if not for the pain that I have had to suffer… I would not be in the place I am today… I look up at those clouds… and tears fall from my eyes… No matter how brave… or strong… or willful I am… It still aches my heart to be standing here alone… I feel a cold chill down my spine… I have had to do something I’ve never had to do in my entire life… I had to close my heart… I can feel it beginning to blossom… For those special few that I have met… and I know that I cannot do that… I will not let myself open to a wall that only time can break through… I must seal these emotions… and not get involved in those affairs… It hurts… but It must be done… For I care not what happens to me… so long as they are able to fly together… I must remain in this place… with only one wing… unable to fly… until the time comes that I may find the soul that I have been searching for… and I will always be searching… For the truth that lies beyond the boundaries of time… As the wind rolls by… I stand upon a cliff… overlooking the sea… No longer afraid of the demons that once haunted my soul… but ready to face the next day… Ready to catch a falling friend… whoever they may be… I may not be able to fly… but nothing will keep me from trying… I will find my love in this world... and I will find my blade... and the wings of time shall return to this body... I will be called by the name that is rightfully mine once more... Hawk Dynedockia... The Master of Time... The heir to the world of Chronia... My Chronia... I'm going home...

My Birthday...

Well I'm 17... and the day was pretty hectic... My New friends from work met some of my friends... and they hit off pretty well! After a hard and tidious day of work we all got lost, got into an accident, and met up at Cassie's house, one of my co-workers, then We all went to outback. Warren, Covey, Jav, and Duclos got to meet Everyone... and I think that Andrea, Mike, Erica, and Stadnicki all liked them. Megan seemed to like them a lot too! The Outback people seperated us, so rather than everyone sitting together, I sat with the big table of me, Cassie, her boyfriend, Andrea, Erica, Mike, Jav, and Joe while Warren, Covey, Frank, and Megan sat in a booth behind us... which made me feel really bad cas Megan helped me get my car started after the park closed... and of course I wanted to sit with all my friends... ugh... We tried to get the people at Outback to sing happy birthday to me and Andrea, since hers was on Sunday, and we didn't do that yet... but they screwed it up... and came out when she was in the bathroom... and then they wouldn't do it twice... retards... What almost ended up a terrible day turned out awesome... and Im happy I got to share it with all of you... Afterwards we were going to see a movie... but things didn't work out... So I hung out with the D1 Gang for a while and went home... And Congratulations Mike and Erica! I'm so happy for both of you! When I got home, I had a pretty cool discussion about the Longmeadow pshychie... yeah it sounds kinda corny, but we made some pretty good points... and as much as I hate to admit it, I do fit it to an extent... *sigh* I'm still not quite sure how complicated my "Mask" is... but we were up pretty late talking about this... and then Warren started talking about the Gang for some reason (sorry I have to segregate or this gets really confusing) w/e I ended up waking up around 8:15, had to kick everyone out, and get ready for work. I missed the bus for Steele Relays, but it rained all day (duh) so I imagine it was cancelled... and I ain't throwing no discus in the rain. Went to work in the pouring rain... and I had to go in Tommy's car... which sucks cas everyone loves the Monterro X_X I can't believe they had the park open in that... I had to flight suit all but 2 people... and otherwise I ran paperwork around and stuff... and that got all wet X_X. Andrea seemed bummed again today... At least she was dry... I guess me and mike had some good timing buying her that jacket... but I guess she hasn't had time for her boyfriend because she's been hanging out with me and the gang all the time... Shes visiting him today so I hope that turns out good for her... Erica wanted me to stay at the park! I was DRENCHED... besides, me not bein there, and us having no clue where Stadnicki was... it'll give her and Mike some alone time... lol They're gonna kill me for this... w/e Covey was actually making some good points last night... and he showed me that new info on the next Zelda that made my day. Im not sure what the hell I'm doin tonight... last day of vacation that I can do stuff... Fucking School... I was LOVING being free of it for a week... It's been a good vacation overall... and I'm happy to have met the people that I've met... 16 was a good year for me... and although the last few minutes of my birthday were kinda depressing... (if you ask I'll tell you) It was a good day... and again, I'm happy you guys were with me... and I thank all of you for sticking with me... cas I know yesterday sucked... So I have this... I have a tradition of writing about, and on my birthday... It goes both ways... and I'm looking forward to being 17... I might write more later... but this is what I have for now... enjoy!

And so the next chapter in my Chronicles begins...

17:
Another year has passed me by…
Twirling about my crimson sky…
Fate still lingers in my mind…
And toils me still I’ve come to find…
A void no longer in my heart…
And Dreams no longer torn apart…
I find myself in a newer life…
Free of conflict, and free of strife…
Emotions free to roam my soul…
Feeling I am once again whole…
Yet still inside my heart shall sink…
When the time comes that I have to think…
Despite my feats and battles won…
I still walk on this earth alone…
And even in this brand new place…
Love shall blossom in my face…
Nothing left but to watch it bloom…
Casting me back into empty gloom…
I feel the cold chills down my spine…
Freezing my soul and my heart as I pine…
For the love that I have never seen…
That one emotion I’ve never been…
I only ask for just one day…
That someone out there take the clouds away…
Help me take away these scars…
And let me see those shinning stars…
I wish I could feel that warmth inside…
With a cheer in my heart… and arms open wide…
But I am doomed to a lonely path…
Doomed to be cursed by Fate’s evil wrath…
Despite all accomplished… and the friends that I’ve made…
As time withers forward this heart shall fade…
I cannot see with Dreamer’s Eyes…
For Dreamer’s have wings to soar the skies…
I cannot find that warmth in me…
Nothing left but destiny…
An empty shell I can never fill…
I shudder again to a lonely chill…
I’m free from society… but trapped in my being…
And I can’t escape without that feeling…
Heart still bleeding pace by pace…
Tears still falling from my face…
I’m not afraid of a world alone…
It is the path that I have flown…
Far Ahead is the soul I seek…
If only I could hear her speak…
The voice of a Savior I would hear…
To mend my wounds and trample fear…
I would feel the warmth of another…
And laugh upon my corrupted Brother…
I wish you weren’t so far away…
I wish that I’d meet you this day…
My life would never be the same…
I may already know your name…
Perhaps someone I’ve never known…
Or someone close whom with I’ve grown…
A friend of mine? One new or old?
With secret love they’ve never told…
It will always be an enigma to me…
As I search for destiny…
And so I have found my resolution…
As I continue towards my revolution…
And new found faith in love unseen…
I embrace the age of seventeen…

I dont know what the hell to call this...

Well... wow... what can I say? Things are going great! Work kicks ass... and the people I work with are probably some of the best people I've ever met... and so in a bit of a writing mood, and after a disaster trying to write something for one of their birthdays... I wrote this... Guys... No I need to say this to each of you... Joe... Mike... Andrea... Erica... Thank you all... this is for you guys... I have no name for this piece... and I would like for you to name it...

<>:for all the people I work with at six flags...

I’ve finally emerged from a slumber I thought would last an eternity… I’ve sealed a void that has eaten at my soul for years… I have forged countless dreams… created worlds… I have begun the path towards destiny… and yet in all of the accomplishments of my life… I have always been alone… always searching for people who hear the song that echoes inside my heart… Only to find deceit… hatred… and rejection… and while I have heard the distant call of the Dreamer from others… they are worlds away… Never have I been able to find someone who follows my path… And for some time I had lost hope… until now… I find myself in a new place… of wonder… of excitement… of… Playtime! I open my eyes to a new group of people… people who know nothing… but the truth… There is no more hiding my emotions… for these few share them with me… I can finally feel the winds soar across the heavens… and I can spread my wings… and take flight… only to have them there with me… I have found freedom… not from myself this time… I have found a place where I belong… no longer cast out for breaking the ties to fate… I am here… on this path that I have chosen… and I have found those who would answer my call… and sing the Dreamer’s Song with me… I have waited for this day… all my life… hiding in the shadows… searching through the night… falling through the depths… and now the chains are broken… and the stars are shining bright… No more plight… no more despair… and though they don’t know the whole story… and they don’t see the scars that time has branded my soul with… they care not… for they have accepted me… ME… not a shell… not a shadow… but what lies inside… and they embrace it… I am here… and I am not alone… through this fellowship that has been forged… I am able to open my heart… and let fourth the emotion that has been dormant inside me for oh so many a year… I am Finally me again… the way I once was… and thought I never would be again… Joseph… Erica… Michael… Andrea… Thank you for everything… I will never forget what you have allowed me to become once more… Thank you for letting me smile upon the world once again… Thank you for spreading light where there was once darkness… Thank you for showing me that there is more to the world than the evil that I have always known… Thank you for setting me free…

I've Been Searching

Finally!!! After so long I finally did my first collaboration!
This is a song written by me and kae! at some point were gonna get the lyrics sung and recorded! Though Im a little skeptical to the whole singing idea... Anyway!

I've Been Searching

Written by Matthew Casartello and Kaleigh Embree (Kae)

(any red lyrics (or Male) we're written by me. The Violet (or Female) lines are by Kae)

Male:
When warmth is just too far away...
The pain seems like it's here to stay...
Life's just another stormy sky...
All I can do is wonder why...

Female:
I sing myself to sleep at night…
Only relief when I turn out the light…
My smile isn’t bright as the sun anymore…
Wondering what I’m living for…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
M: Together…We’ll find that place where we belong…
F: I wonder if you’ve been here all along?

Female:
It gets lonely when you’re the only one,
Feeling abandoned, Want to run.
To find someone truly like you,
Not just a dream, DREAMERS come true.

Male:
It feels like there is no one here...
Mend my wounds and cradle my fear...
And life doesn't seem like its just endless rain...
When you're here with me... calling my name…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
F: Notes together, wings are spread…
M: Flying forever in the depths of our heads...

Male:
Two different minds... yet we beat with one heart...
Locked in embrace yet miles apart...
Never in my life have I had feelings so true...
Never seen your face... but I know I love you...

Female:
If you love me, love me true…
Know that I also love you…
No one else has touched my heart…
While locked in embrace, miles apart…

Chorus(Both):
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
M: Some day I will find you... no longer a Dream...
F: No longer a vision, loose at the seam…

Chorus(Both):
Can you see me?… Are the lights turned on?…
If you can’t see me, hear my song…
I know you… I heard you in the night…
I’ll find you… you are my shining light…
Not just a dream, dreamers come true…
Never seen your face... but I know I love you...

Freedom

I DID IT!
After a weird weekend... things are pretty much back to normal... and I'm bored already... but I was able to write something good... even in the state of emotional dullness that I'm in... So I present this... enjoy!

Freedom

Open my eyes into a world I know… yet things seem ever so different… The echoes of life course through my soul again… and I have been awakened as I should be… Free of the pain… It no longer concerns me… As if I have been able to just release myself from the toils of life… Yet I still remain wanted… yearning for the spoils of life that I have never experienced… I long for the days when I can look back upon my life and say that I have achieved my destiny… A time that shall bring fourth the trials of time… and help me find the truth in the depths of the dreamer… I walk through these halls… and I know that I am alone… Walking a path that no other being can follow… For I face corruption in my way… an essence that surrounds me… and I cannot succumb to this evil… I continue forward, well aware of the scourge that follows my every move. It is a cold path that I must follow… and the things that I seek like far ahead… I have a long way to go before I can rest… I grow tired from time to time… Wondering why I continue down this path… It can be so dark… so cold… so lonely here… I have no idea what to expect in the days… months… years ahead… I know not where the path ends… what I face in front of me… and how long until I walk this path with another… For today I can no longer continue down this path… so I must rest here… and gain my strength so I can face whatever happens next… I sit down… my feet exhausted… and I look up… Those dark clouds that have followed me since the beginning still loom over my head… My eyes are heavy… and I want to sleep… but I am not sure if I will wake up from this nightmare… I watch those clouds… heavy with lightning… and feel the small needles of rain begin to fall from the sky… I feel myself slipping into the void… I can feel the pain creeping inside the depths of my being… I feel so lost in this place… yet it is the most familiar place I know… I have been drifting here since my journey began… able to escape… but never be free… I have always wandered here… Waiting for someone to break the clouds away… and bring on the stars… It was always someone else who would bring them to me… and I always waited… praying for the day that she would come to me… I’ve been tempted by many… only to realize that it is my heart reaching out for them… nothing would ever be returned to me… so alone I was lost inside the prison of my own soul… I could feel the pain in the pit of my being… it was growing… In order to escape this place… I must channel all the negative energy inside my mind into my soul… this creates a hole that allows me to escape… I’ve always been able to get out this way… until it catches up with me and sucks me back in… I knew what I had to do now.. but I couldn’t do it this time… The pain felt so bad… and I didn’t want to embrace it… not this time… so I stood up… and ran… I ran and ran and ran… never stopping… never looking back… Before me was the cliff upon which I have forged so many dreams… I ran towards it never stopping… I did the only thing I could… I jumped…
Falling… Falling towards the emptiness… I would not embrace it… not this time… My wings broke free… and I took flight… up I soared… flying steadfast into the maelstrom… knowing what barriers stood in my way… I kept going… I could feel the darkness pulling me back… but still I flew… I had something this time… sometime I have not had inside me for a long time… I had my will… It was no matter an issue of power… of love… it was for freedom… I HAD to escape this place… I could feel the darkness surrounding me… and I did not falter… and I never would again… Fate had lost its grip on me… Above my head was the end of the void… above it was freedom, and below was the tormenting of a thousand lifetimes… I knew very well what could happen to me by coming at full speed… it didn’t stop me this time… it was seconds above me… and I was ready… The barrier broke… shattering like glass as I flew through its evil grasp… and I woke up… Looking around… I realized I had been dreaming… but I didn’t feel the pain in my gut… I rested my head on the ground again… and my eyes widened… I saw… the stars… for the first time in years… I saw the stars with my own eyes. It wasn’t some magical reaction to the blade of dreams… or the embrace of a savior… it was in my soul… that I found my own resolve… and destroyed the void that has been inside me for so many a night… The sun was rising… and I felt stronger than I ever had… I gathered my things and set down the path once again… It is no longer a stormy road that I must follow… no longer dark… no longer afraid… I may be alone… I may be the only one around this place for miles… and I may not find my love for many years… but I know now… I will find her… and I can survive long enough to… I have my soul back… I have my freedom back… I have my self back…