Hiatus...

I'm going on hiatus for a while... I have some things that have to be done... I'll still write, but things aren't going up here...

Truth...

New Work...

Truth...

What do you do when the world fades to black? Where do you go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do you stand as the walls around you tumble to the ground…? Who do you cry on when everyone around you turns away? How do you live when you are surrounded by death? Who do you love… when your world turns to hate? Lost… Drifting… Falling… Dreaming… Being… Living… Freedom… So many words… All of which I use every day of this life… Lost inside the trap I have created in my mind… Drifting into each passing day as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon… Falling further into the depths of my soul… Dreaming of the days when I can look back on life and see how truly wonderful it is… Being able to catch my fallen brethren… Living life… one day at a time… Freedom… the one thing in life… that is unattainable… Fate controls all… governs all… and yet even in our doomed slavery… we are still free to make our choices… Love… Happiness… Anger… Pain… all of it is under our control… I can see this now… with vision undistorted… My life… it is mine to control… no matter what Fate forges to be my destiny… I know here… now… that I don’t need to look for my true friends… I don’t need to seek out my allies… because they are here… with me… all of them… I know now the truth… that none of them were ever in any doubt… and that all this time… after being so lost in the conflict… trapped in the confusion… on the brink of the void… that even in my despair… they are here to stand by me… and even when the world is without hope… and the sky is without stars… and the world around us is shattered with the malice that is this life… We are here… standing tall together… ready to face whatever my Brother decides to stand in our path… but even in our triumphant cry… Even in the power that we share… Even in the love that we share for each other… in the brotherhood of friendship… I fear that my heart has made breaks in our chain… I feel too much in this world… a surge of emotion… an endless wave of the heart… It brings my joy atop the highest of the heavens… and it brings my sorrow to the depths of existence… and in my soul it embraces the spirit that has been inside me for so many years… and Channels the energy that has been dormant inside me for such a long time… I no longer fear life… I no longer fear the whim of Rathios… and yet… my world is still empty… and my path is still lonely… I thought I had embraced the winds of love… but I know now that this is not so... I have still yet to feel that warmth...and in my search I have made a fool of them… I have made a fool of myself… and even in the blunders of my life… I know that they will stand by me… and yet I still cannot help but feel like I have made so many mistakes… so many contradictions in my being… So many broken promises… I feel like I have betrayed them… in deceiving myself… I have overlooked so much… I have forgotten so much… I need to let go… of all this grief… of all this strife… Where has the happiness gone? Where has the optimism fled too? Where has the positivism fallen? I embrace my emotions… for they define my spirit… yet… even I cannot comprehend them in their purest form… and I am no master of the spirit… it is difficult to control my emotions… for it is a fickle element to restrain… Destiny… what truly is Destiny? I have always believed it to be man’s potential… but is it? Is it what we are able to achieve? Or is it the quota we put on ourselves… Destiny is a path to perfection… one that no being can ever obtain… Dreams… the essence of the soul… it is through our dreams that we find our hope… Hope is the one truly static entity in this world… for throughout the ages… hope has never died… Love… Love is only a word… a word I have used far too much in my life… It is the one thing I seek more than anything else… but why? Why is it that I must feel this emotion? Is it because it is the one that I have not experienced yet? Or is it that I am in need to fill the hole in my life? Love itself… is empty… void… of meaning and of thought… love is in the eyes of who wields it… and one’s love can be simply affection to another… and the sweet embrace of one can be the reason to live for another… One cannot gauge love… for each of us has different ways of expressing it… of feeling it… of giving it… and of taking it… I have love for each and everyone one of my friends… a love that shall never falter to the will of fate… anger may close my eyes… and pain may blind my heart… but I love each and every one of you… with all my heart and soul… and of all the empty promises I have made… and all the broken contradictions of my life… I know… in the depths of my being… that I love all of you… Love in itself is a meaningless word… yet… in my life… it is the value I give to those who I care about most… Those precious few… who I have stood by my side through the ages… and those who have just joined the path… Your spirits… your courage… your patience… and your compassion… have brought me to this point in my life… I am a loner…and now I finally realize that… as much as I seek the love of another… I know that… at least at this point in my life… I am destined to be alone… and even in this loneliness… I am not truly alone… for all of you are in my heart… and I may lose sight of that… but in my core… I know it to be true… Your friendships keep me alive and well… your happiness brings me joy… and your courage gives me strength… I pass my spirit onto you… and although you do not share the same emotion… I know that you are grateful… as I have been for you… So what do I do when my world fades to black? Where do I go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do I stand as the walls around me tumble to the ground…? Who do I cry on when everyone around me turns away? How do I live when I am surrounded by death? Who do I love… when my world turns to hate? I come before you… my champions… my heroes… my friends… you… all of you… and with your hearts and mine… we shall stand tall to face the wrath of my brother… Let there be freedom… and peace in this land… and I swear by my dreams that this darkness shall end… This Fate is a demon… he’ll pay for his crime… and I’m NOT just a Dreamer… I’m…

A New Chapter...

Wow... it's been a year since I started this site... and began this part of my journey... I want to remember this day... but alas I have no time to write about it right now... I will write something tomorow and add it...

Heres to a new chapter in The Chronicles of the Crimson Dreamer...

The Odyssey

My latest piece... quite happy with this one... wasn't expecting to write it so soon... but w/e

Enjoy...

The Odyssey

And so begins the odyssey… the journey that I shall take into my mind… to explore the emotions inside my heart… I have been preparing for so long… trying to prove myself… Fighting for those whom I love… I have come so far… it’s finally beginning to change… my life… my world… it’s becoming so clear… No longer just a sparkle in the night… The light shines high above my head… and I face the darkness that drifts just below… This life… it is no longer one of conflict… of strife… of pain… I see the world now… I see with opened eyes once more… I feel the freedom that once blessed my heart… I feel the joy echo through my soul… I am ready now… and so I take the dive… and enter my mind… Such a different world… torn apart by the emotion of my life… There are so many thoughts… so many ideas… so many dreams racing across the horizon… it is so amazing… to see what lies inside here… I can feel the emotions that I have embraced all my life… and even so, I can still see the fight that I face every day… The constant battle with darkness and light… good and evil… Joy and Sorrow… And yet I continue to fight... although I cannot see what the future holds for me… and I do not know what lies ahead down my path… I am more certain now… than any moment before in this life… I feel free… no longer bound by the chains of life… No longer trapped in the will of Fate… I am free… to do as I please… to fly where my wings will take me… Wings… I finally have them… and I can see myself… transforming into the being that I have always desired to become… My ascension begins here… with you… You have been in my mind for quite some time now… since the day I met you… I thought you were different… special… and now my heart has blossomed once again… and for the first time in my life… I’ve felt those feelings come back… I’ve embraced the winds of love… I’ve freed myself of this void… I do not know where our paths shall go… but I hope that I may share mine with you… This is the first side… the beginning of my emotions… Joy… Happiness… Freedom… This is what I have become now… After so many years… this side of me has finally awoken once again… My inner child… my inner being… my essence… that has been locked away for so many years… has finally been released… Life is no longer a search… a meaningless quest to find a light I thought I could never seek… I’ve found it… and I am happy once again… I do not feel the strife that has toiled my soul for so many years… the scars upon my body have begun to heal… and slowly fade away… It brings joy to my heart to know that I am no longer afraid… of the life that may never come… and the happiness I’d never find… for it’s here… after all my searching… all my dreaming… all the tears in the night… and the pain I’ve had to suffer… after all the friends I’ve gained and lost… and those precious few I would defend to the death… I’ve found my resolution… and so I must delve deeper… into my soul I must go… Into the past… a place I would dare not travel… for even now it still haunts the deepest recesses of my soul… but I must continue… every path must have a valley… and with the strength that I have gained… I feel that I am ready… and so I dive deeper into the mind… The present slowly falls away… and I am now in a world of the past… I can see myself once again… lost… with shattered wings… and broken dreams… I see a boy… not a man… a boy… lost in the struggle of his life… caught between the pain given to him by those around him… and the conflict that rests inside himself… This was my time… and although it scars me to know what has happened to me in the past… the innocence that was raped from this child… I know now… after so many years have passed… It had to be done… the tears… the sorrow… the pain… have made him stronger… have made me stronger… Even here I can feel the pain of the past… the burden that has haunted me for such a long time… but I know now… these were the trials that I had to face… so that I could look inside myself… and find the dream that has given me this undying hope… I know the despair that lies in the past… I know the loneliness… and the emptiness that plagued my childhood… I know the pain that I felt when I locked myself away… when I had no one else to turn to… It all seems worth it now… For I do not know the kind of man I would have become if it weren’t for these trials… Yes they hurt me deeply… and yes I still feel the repercussions today… but I am stronger… wiser… happier now… because of that… These hands that have forged so many Dreams… and shaped so many lives… They have truly made a difference in those lives whom I love… Although I have brought on conflict in the past… I feel like I have changed their lives… as they have changed mine… I no longer need to fear the past… I no longer need to fear the pain… I walk to myself… a child… lost in a sea of tears… and give him the embrace that he has longed for… I feel the innocence that had been stripped away… the joy that was defiled into sorrow… and the Apathy of life that was reshaped into a universe of emotion… I am thankful now… for everything that has happened to me… but yet still I must delve… into the depths of my soul… where my secrets… and my dreams lie… and so I dive deeper… into the darkness… into the void… and yet… as I continue to fall… I can see light approaching… and as I cross the threshold… I am blinded by it… here… in the deepest corners of the soul… lies the Dream that started my path… Here I stand before Hawk Dynedockia… Lord of Chronia… Master of Time… The Great Crimson Blade of Dreams, Shi’Te’Ku in his hand… this… this is my destiny… I stand before the being I have always wanted to become… even now… a woman stands by his side… Mana… This is the life I have always wanted to live… and this is the hope that has always brought me from the darkness… I put my hand out… trying to give a feeling to something never thought to be tangible… their hands meet mine… and so many thoughts race across my head… the Past… Present… and Future… all combined into this moment… Time has no meaning here… This world is forged by emotion… and brings light even in my darkest hour… it is here that I have retreated too… here in the depths of my soul… You are my hero… and as I speak those words… I shake my head… confused… I point to the figure behind me… I turn around… and here… here of all places… I see you… standing tall... I point to you… I walk towards myself… Two entities… One dream… Our hands meet once more… and a great flash of light envelopes us… the light clears away… and now only one remains… it is I… The true Crimson Dreamer… The embodiment of both… This is the person I truly wish to become… Master of both worlds… of both lives… This is the Destiny… My Destiny… I walk again towards those eyes… towards you… you look back at me… with those curious eyes… I reach out towards you… and you towards me… our hands embrace… and I look again into those eyes… where yet another world resides… I am truly happy… now… and as I fall lost into the spheres of your world… I realize now… it is you… who is my Hero... it is you who has let me seen the side of me that I have always thought lost to Fate… it is you who has let me embrace the winds of Love… and it is you who has looked into the eyes of The Crimson Dreamer… and found the truth… You embraced me… you smiled at me… You are my wings… and You have forever changed this world of mine… Now the Odyssey is complete… I feel myself awaken from the Trance… My journey is complete… My soul is at peace… and my life is finally down another path… The path of both Dreamer… and Destiny… I am both… My name is Matthew J. Casartello… and inside my soul rests the human Chronius… the personification of my life… and the greatest warrior Time has ever known… the Chronian, Hawk Dynedockia… This is me… this is everything… this is the man that I have become… and I am proud to share this life with all of you… Thank you… everyone…

New Work Coming!

New work is on the way! I'm just waiting for the right idea to write about... It'll be good though! I gaurentee it!! ^_^

Just to let people know, this sites birthday is coming up... may 30th... Im gonna write something for that too!

I don't know...

I've made a poor choice... and I regret what I have done... yes I did what was right, but how I did it was wrong... and now I've started another war... I am lost to this... I tried to save them... and I failed...

What have I done…? What have I caused…? All of this darkness that lurks around me… It is pain… it is sorrow… it is suffering… and it is because of me… My friends… the people I love so much… I have betrayed them… and now they have begun a war… all because of me… They are lost… trapped inside conflict… Locked in war… because I tried to do what was right… I am a fool… I took life into my own hands… and I’ve failed them… I’ve failed them all… I do not deserve to live for what I have done… The path stands still now… All is quiet… all is dark… I know what has happened… I know what has been done… I am alone…. I look down onto these hands…. These hands… these are my hands… They have caused so much destruction… so much pain… so much strife…. Time has ravaged them into these instruments of corruption… I stand and try to look for the stars… but I know that I will not find them… I feel the hole underneath me beginning to open… The void… the void it returns to me… I can feel it calling out my name… The shadows around me begin to grow… and I can hear the cries of those that I have forsaken in my head… I fall to my knees… and I scream out in agony… This is my fault… All of this pain was caused by me… ME!! I set out on a path of peace, of righteousness… and of friendship… and now I have sent the sky crashing down onto those that I love… The pain shoots across my body… I can feel it eating away at my mind… All of this… all of it… is me… It is my fault… it is my doing… it is these hands… I am lost to this… Darkness has consumed me once again… I have fallen… I am forever trapped to this fate… My eyes open and the chaos is gone… I wake up into a place I remember far too well… It is my void… yet I feel like I am really here for the first time… No longer an instrument of my mind… but I am actually in this place… The rain pours down on my head… and the tears fall down my face… I have wronged them all… All of this is my fault… It started with a falling friend… and I did what I had promised I’d do… I won’t let them fall… I swore to them that… I swore to myself that… But upon catching her… I took matters into these hands of mine… I took away the shroud… I showed her the light of truth… and it was too much for me to do alone… I was wrong to do so… Even though my intentions were just… And now I have started this war… this fight… this strife… I have ruined their lives… and lost their trust… I’ve failed them… I love them so much… I would die for any one of them… and now I have betrayed them… and myself… Look what you have done? Look at the pain that you have caused? You are the instrument of Sorrow… and a Harbinger of Destruction… These are your hands… and you are a fool… I no longer wish to escape this place… for it is here I belong… I cannot hurt anyone here… my freedom only brings sorrow to others… and that is not something that I want… I am finally here… in this place… alone… where I cannot save them… or hurt them… This life is so hard to live… I swear that I will not let them fall… but what if those who do are at conflict? Which hand to I catch? Which side do I take? I cannot save them both… as much as I want to… one has to fall… and I can’t make the choice… and yet I did… and out of the truth I brought on nothing but suffering… And so I have fallen again… destroying the wing that I had… and now I am left to this place… I know that I shall find a way out… I always do… but if I ever encounter these people again… I deserve to die for what I did to them… My life is in their hands… and I do not seek forgiveness… because I do not deserve it for the problems that I have caused… and so I rise up from the charred ground… and I slowly walk away… into the mists that shroud this world… It is the only place that I am safe… it is the only place that they are safe… I will never have the freedom I seek… without hurting the people I love… Too much emotion… so confused… lost to the tides of Fate… Dreamer… Hawk… save them… please… for I cannot cause them any more pain…


I'll make it up to you someday... all of you...

New work...

Well I was writing something... and I sorta went in all sorts of directions... this is a combination of a poem, and a few different pieces... Things have been rough for us lately... and I guess I wrote this to give us a little bit of hope...

Another Nameless piece

Another echo in the night…
Another sunset watched alone…
Another afternoon delight…
Another day I think of home…
The light shines brightly on my face…
And Fate no longer scorns this path…
I ask my self to pick up the pace…
For I no longer fear my brother’s wrath…
Time is inching forward still…
As it always will until the end…
I am no longer on this hill…
Without a broken soul to mend…
Life shall blossom in my heart…
Destiny shall see me through…
Life’s no longer torn apart…
And with this hope I turn to you…
With cloudy skies above your head…
And tears of pain inside your soul…
It is the life I used to dread…
To fall into that void of a hole…
You will not fall to emptiness…
You will not suffer as did once I…
You will rise up to happiness…
You will see starlight in the sky…
I have the wings I need to fly…
You have the heart to see the light…
No matter how much I have to try…
I’ll see you through this arduous plight…
A broken heart brings so much pain…
A broken soul is void of life…
You will not drown inside the rain…
I will not let you lose this strife…
And so the journey goes… walking forward into a sea of conflict and despair… Ready to bring fourth the power of Moses to this place… I know how difficult the task is ahead of me… I know that I may not be able to handle the surge that comes my way… but I will not falter to the sea… The ones I love are drowning… lost inside the currents… they are falling as I once did… They have not reached the void… and I will not let them see that world… And so I raise my hands to the sky… and call fourth the power of time… the world… the life… existence rests in the palm of my hand… Even I can feel the power… the strength inside he who is my hero… My creation… the Dreamer that has forged my destiny… It is his will that drives me forward… and it is his strength that gives me the power to open the eyes of this world… I stretch my hands out… Calling out to this world… and as I curse my corrupted brother, I dive into the maelstrom… Inside this place… I know it all too well… Here I am… ready to answer the calls of my Fallen allies… I no longer bear the chains that kept me here so long ago… and the Wings of Time rest upon my shoulders… I grab hold of those who have fallen into these depths… my friends… my allies… the people that mean so much to me… new and old… I hold on with all my strength as the currents drive me across the horizons… Time moves so slowly here… one cannot see down here without open eyes…
I will not let you lose this strife…
The dream ends… and I awake from a slumber… hands wet with sweat… I look up to the sky above… And endless sea of stars… I long to be up there again… With those wings that I still seek… and with the hand of she who will stand by my side… I long to find that destiny that lies deep inside my soul… To embrace the will of Hawk Dynedockia… and to truly become the Crimson Dreamer… I continue down the path I have forged… it is he who has the strength… but it is I who possess the will… and the Dream… He is my creation, and no matter how strong I want him to be… he still only exists inside my mind… I open my ears to the world around me… and I see the pain around me… my friends who are struggling to keep with the will of Fate… problems of Love and of friendship… and the problems that have come my way… the pain that I have caused in the last few months… though not out of anger, or by intention… I see now the troubles that I have caused… the people I have inadvertently left behind… and yet I still shout their names… and they still reply… I am thankful now… the embrace such a friendship… I will not abandon them… any of them… and while some fall now, and other drift in the winds as I do… none shall ever reach the ground… not while I can live… not while I can fight… not while I can fly…
I will not let you lose this strife…
This is the freedom that I seek… the resolution that I have found in the recesses of my mind… Time is my ally once again… and I have opened my soul to it’s depths… This is the way I want to be… and while the troubles of my friends may not let me be in this state… I would rather let them see this light… even if it means I can’t… I would rather then be happy… even if it means I am sad... I would rather them see hope… even if it means I am in despair… I would rather them live… even if it means that I cannot… They will not fall… so long as I am here… I will not let you lose this strife...

River of Time

I finally have something to add here again... I got home from work... and I just wanted to write this... I would say it takes a neutral perspective in the emotional spectrum, but I'm very pleased with it... enjoy!

Note: The random words at the end, I made it all up, it doesn't mean anything, and no I'm not going to write a Chronian Language... I just felt like making something random, and Manu Du Vortis is actually Latin for Watch in Awe...

The River of Time

Life… it is so complicated… but in the end so simple… so chaotic… and yet so peaceful… so evil… and yet so kind… There is darkness… but in the end light… Despair… but in the end hope… We are but vessels in the river of time… slowly drifting towards the shores of destiny… Where we embark, and when we drift astray are all governed by the winds of Fate… Yet we are in control of the sails… Life is an endless contradiction… A tide in the swirling pools… Nothing is ever expected… nothing is ever truly known… nothing is ever truly understood… We stand here… in this point in time… hand in hand, singing our song to those who will answer the call… Darkness is around every corner… and behind that shroud lies the uncertainty of the future… The one riddle that no scholar can ever solve… There is no shortcut down the River of Time… There is no seeing the future… Nothing is written… but the fate that exists in each of us… We have been given the will… and the power to control the path which we take… and yet at the same time we are all lost to the will of Fate… I stand here… no longer alone on this path that I walk… No longer sailing alone down the river… I have all of you here with me… as we sing this song of ours… We sing of the freedom that has been promised to us… we sing of the glory that will one day cross our paths… we sing of the hope that brings us into that uncertain future… we sing of the Dreams that guide us in times of despair… With each passing day I forge another dream… another idea another spark to set off the fires of the mind… Even now I still Dream of the wonders that have still yet to cross my path… Destiny… and Love… Every sunset… Every starry sky… Every wind that has blown across my face… Every friend that has taken this path with me… Every friend who has abandoned it… the pain… The Joy… The Hope… the despair… The Happiness that has brought me here… and the sadness that has given me the strength to forge these notes… And yet even in this state of bliss… I am still to face a conflict inside my soul… not with myself… but with the Fate that watches all of us… that decides to make the world turn upside down… We stand together as we slowly drift down into the depths of chaos… but even as we fall… we have The Wings of each other to save us from the brink of destruction… Even when we are scattered we are together… Even when we are alone… we are all here… ready to catch the next to fall… And ready to welcome the next to rise… We each have our own battles to fight… Love to pursue… Destiny to create… and time to use… Each vessel has its own course to follow… no matter how similar… no voyage is the same… And while we may not end up together… while the current may take us to distant places… and after these moments go by we may never see each other again… but as The River continues to flow… the moments that bring us here together down this place are forever etched into the waters… Each memory… each vessel leaves behind its own scar upon the world… it is up to the captain to decide if it be a Beacon of Hope… or a Cringe of Terror… So what is inside my vessel? I have a ship full of Dreams… and though it has been a lonely voyage so far… I do not always worry of that… I know the stars will shine for me some day… I know that I will embrace the future that is meant for me… and I will face the struggles that this river brings to me… I no longer fear the winds of Fate… I will continue towards the Shores of Chronia… Where I shall find the Blade of Dreams… and Face My Hero’s Brother… The Hero I want to become… The Master of this River… He has shown me the way so far… and even still he guides me… but the day will come when I ascend… and take that name… and hold that blade… and bind my soul to his… We shall become one… as I search for She who will hold my hand… my Mana… The Legend… no… the Prophecy… it is unfolding even now… and though I may never truly find the Wings of Time… or hold Shi’Te’Ku in my hands… I may never hold the power to change the tides to the River of Time… I may never Fly… but I will always keep sailing… My life is no longer bound to these winds… I have broken free form the chains of fate… and I have freed myself from the void inside… The next step is to find you… for I cannot face this Destiny alone… Where are you? Who Are you? When will I find you? I do not know how long I will look… but I know I will find you… And these questions will no longer be the burden of my soul… This Destiny is ours to share… and We shall face it together… Mi’Thalas Dim No’roth Le Shi’Te’Ku… U’Thirak Shin’baria nok Chronia… To embrace the Blade of Dreams… is to return to Chronia… Manu du vortis… Watch in awe… This is the beginning… the start of the Journey… of the Crimson Dreamer…

Return

Schools back... blah... Well I woke up this morning... and I had a PERFECT IDEA for something to write about... the very first thing I ever wrote...

As the wind rolls by, I sit upon a rock on that cliff, overlooking the sea. The day begins to wither away, as a crimson haze spreads across the horizon. The wind blowing sand in my face. I still sit, watching the waves roll into the shore. Soon, the sun sets, and night falls upon the earth, the wind howls, and the demons begin to walk the earth. As the stars begin to shine their light, and the water becomes black. Still, I gaze at the horizon, just slightly visible, waiting. Waiting for the light to return, when the sun rises behind my soul, and the light pours across the sky. So I can see the tide roll in, and drift away, and so I can see that crimson haze, as the day withers into oblivion, and the demons return, always thinking of the light, when the evil that walks the earth, returns to the darkness that it spawned from.

4 years have passed since then... and I thought I should return... so I wrote this... enjoy!

Return

Here I stand upon this place… a cliff… looking over the sea… My head held high towards the sunset on the horizon… The wind whispers in my ear… an echo to the serenity that surrounds me… but wait… this all seems very familiar… Yes… I’ve been here before… This is the place I began my journey… those many years ago… It was here that I set down my path… and began to sing the Dreamer’s song… The Chronicles of The Crimson Dreamer… they began here… with me… standing upon this very rock… looking out towards the sunset… My world was so different then… I was young… I was scared… I was lost… My world was full of evil… I was the last spec of light… in a world full of darkness… There was so much pain… so little hope… It so much… but I started down the path of the Dreamer… knowing what stood in my way… 4 years have passed since that day… So much has changed since then… Here I stand… 4 years older… 4 years wiser… 4 years stronger… So many questions have been answered… I finally have a purpose in my life… I’ve mastered the ability to forge dreams… I have faced an entire society to the point of acceptance… and I have destroyed a void that has tormented me since I started this journey… This world of mine… it is not as evil as I had once thought… I’ve opened many eyes in this place… and while no one here sings the song… I have found others who will… Many of them… who have listened to my stories… and begun to create paths of their own… And what is most important to me… I have found light in others… people out there who do not hide behind a mask… people who show the truth with every emotion… I can finally let go of the tapestry of lies that has shadowed me for so long… I have found my place in this world… I now know where my destiny lies… and I know what I must do to reach it… The sun slowly begins to set… and the moon rises into view… I see clouds overhead… Fate has brought them here… For beyond all my accomplishments… Despite the pain that I have overcome… and the challenges that I have faced… This path is still mine alone… My love has come and gone… passing from one set of eyes to the next… I’ve been searching for all these years… to find another soul to share this lonely path… Many a time I believed to have found one… but yet, I still stand here alone… It’s been a lonely 4 years… but if not for the pain that I have had to suffer… I would not be in the place I am today… I look up at those clouds… and tears fall from my eyes… No matter how brave… or strong… or willful I am… It still aches my heart to be standing here alone… I feel a cold chill down my spine… I have had to do something I’ve never had to do in my entire life… I had to close my heart… I can feel it beginning to blossom… For those special few that I have met… and I know that I cannot do that… I will not let myself open to a wall that only time can break through… I must seal these emotions… and not get involved in those affairs… It hurts… but It must be done… For I care not what happens to me… so long as they are able to fly together… I must remain in this place… with only one wing… unable to fly… until the time comes that I may find the soul that I have been searching for… and I will always be searching… For the truth that lies beyond the boundaries of time… As the wind rolls by… I stand upon a cliff… overlooking the sea… No longer afraid of the demons that once haunted my soul… but ready to face the next day… Ready to catch a falling friend… whoever they may be… I may not be able to fly… but nothing will keep me from trying… I will find my love in this world... and I will find my blade... and the wings of time shall return to this body... I will be called by the name that is rightfully mine once more... Hawk Dynedockia... The Master of Time... The heir to the world of Chronia... My Chronia... I'm going home...

My Birthday...

Well I'm 17... and the day was pretty hectic... My New friends from work met some of my friends... and they hit off pretty well! After a hard and tidious day of work we all got lost, got into an accident, and met up at Cassie's house, one of my co-workers, then We all went to outback. Warren, Covey, Jav, and Duclos got to meet Everyone... and I think that Andrea, Mike, Erica, and Stadnicki all liked them. Megan seemed to like them a lot too! The Outback people seperated us, so rather than everyone sitting together, I sat with the big table of me, Cassie, her boyfriend, Andrea, Erica, Mike, Jav, and Joe while Warren, Covey, Frank, and Megan sat in a booth behind us... which made me feel really bad cas Megan helped me get my car started after the park closed... and of course I wanted to sit with all my friends... ugh... We tried to get the people at Outback to sing happy birthday to me and Andrea, since hers was on Sunday, and we didn't do that yet... but they screwed it up... and came out when she was in the bathroom... and then they wouldn't do it twice... retards... What almost ended up a terrible day turned out awesome... and Im happy I got to share it with all of you... Afterwards we were going to see a movie... but things didn't work out... So I hung out with the D1 Gang for a while and went home... And Congratulations Mike and Erica! I'm so happy for both of you! When I got home, I had a pretty cool discussion about the Longmeadow pshychie... yeah it sounds kinda corny, but we made some pretty good points... and as much as I hate to admit it, I do fit it to an extent... *sigh* I'm still not quite sure how complicated my "Mask" is... but we were up pretty late talking about this... and then Warren started talking about the Gang for some reason (sorry I have to segregate or this gets really confusing) w/e I ended up waking up around 8:15, had to kick everyone out, and get ready for work. I missed the bus for Steele Relays, but it rained all day (duh) so I imagine it was cancelled... and I ain't throwing no discus in the rain. Went to work in the pouring rain... and I had to go in Tommy's car... which sucks cas everyone loves the Monterro X_X I can't believe they had the park open in that... I had to flight suit all but 2 people... and otherwise I ran paperwork around and stuff... and that got all wet X_X. Andrea seemed bummed again today... At least she was dry... I guess me and mike had some good timing buying her that jacket... but I guess she hasn't had time for her boyfriend because she's been hanging out with me and the gang all the time... Shes visiting him today so I hope that turns out good for her... Erica wanted me to stay at the park! I was DRENCHED... besides, me not bein there, and us having no clue where Stadnicki was... it'll give her and Mike some alone time... lol They're gonna kill me for this... w/e Covey was actually making some good points last night... and he showed me that new info on the next Zelda that made my day. Im not sure what the hell I'm doin tonight... last day of vacation that I can do stuff... Fucking School... I was LOVING being free of it for a week... It's been a good vacation overall... and I'm happy to have met the people that I've met... 16 was a good year for me... and although the last few minutes of my birthday were kinda depressing... (if you ask I'll tell you) It was a good day... and again, I'm happy you guys were with me... and I thank all of you for sticking with me... cas I know yesterday sucked... So I have this... I have a tradition of writing about, and on my birthday... It goes both ways... and I'm looking forward to being 17... I might write more later... but this is what I have for now... enjoy!

And so the next chapter in my Chronicles begins...

17:
Another year has passed me by…
Twirling about my crimson sky…
Fate still lingers in my mind…
And toils me still I’ve come to find…
A void no longer in my heart…
And Dreams no longer torn apart…
I find myself in a newer life…
Free of conflict, and free of strife…
Emotions free to roam my soul…
Feeling I am once again whole…
Yet still inside my heart shall sink…
When the time comes that I have to think…
Despite my feats and battles won…
I still walk on this earth alone…
And even in this brand new place…
Love shall blossom in my face…
Nothing left but to watch it bloom…
Casting me back into empty gloom…
I feel the cold chills down my spine…
Freezing my soul and my heart as I pine…
For the love that I have never seen…
That one emotion I’ve never been…
I only ask for just one day…
That someone out there take the clouds away…
Help me take away these scars…
And let me see those shinning stars…
I wish I could feel that warmth inside…
With a cheer in my heart… and arms open wide…
But I am doomed to a lonely path…
Doomed to be cursed by Fate’s evil wrath…
Despite all accomplished… and the friends that I’ve made…
As time withers forward this heart shall fade…
I cannot see with Dreamer’s Eyes…
For Dreamer’s have wings to soar the skies…
I cannot find that warmth in me…
Nothing left but destiny…
An empty shell I can never fill…
I shudder again to a lonely chill…
I’m free from society… but trapped in my being…
And I can’t escape without that feeling…
Heart still bleeding pace by pace…
Tears still falling from my face…
I’m not afraid of a world alone…
It is the path that I have flown…
Far Ahead is the soul I seek…
If only I could hear her speak…
The voice of a Savior I would hear…
To mend my wounds and trample fear…
I would feel the warmth of another…
And laugh upon my corrupted Brother…
I wish you weren’t so far away…
I wish that I’d meet you this day…
My life would never be the same…
I may already know your name…
Perhaps someone I’ve never known…
Or someone close whom with I’ve grown…
A friend of mine? One new or old?
With secret love they’ve never told…
It will always be an enigma to me…
As I search for destiny…
And so I have found my resolution…
As I continue towards my revolution…
And new found faith in love unseen…
I embrace the age of seventeen…