Rebirth...

I haven't really been myself lately. I've had some things on my mind that have really tested me mentally and emotionally, but I'm to blame. I've made my situation stressful, tense and frustrating. And I fell back upon some old habits I'm not particularly proud of... (Nothing Illegal people!) and over the last few weeks I can certainly see that I've learned a lot about the man that I truly am... My words, my principles, my values, deep down they hold true... and define me... Feelings have been hurt, and friendships have been tested. But in the end... This is where I'm at... I've overcome my demons and although I'm still a little confused... I'm happy... Honestly, genuinely, truly. I am happy. And the first time in a LONG LONG LONG Time... I've felt the inspiration to write from that emotion... Not for friends, not for people I care about... This one's for me... and there is truth in these words... I am on my way... ^_^

Rebirth

I feel a new chapter has begun in my life…
Strange it seems…
As the previous entry seemed so short…
Time can change a life so quickly…
The path you walk…
The friends you have…
The Feelings you hold…
All the things you feel you can never let go of…
And just like that…
Your world changes…
Friendships run their course …
Feelings fade…
Life as you know it is lost…
Gone without a trace…
And you stand there alone…
Wondering where the time went…?
And after you’ve picked up the pieces of your life…
You take that first step forward…
And you’re on your way…
I’ve traversed much in my life…
I’ve seen friendships come and go…
I’ve held a heart in my hands…
If only briefly…
Yet too have I lost my own heart…
Had it shattered…
I’ve lost the will to fight…
And my faith in humanity…
I have succumbed to the darkness in my mind…
Much has come and gone…
I’ve fallen down many valleys…
Yet, through all of them…
I’ve found a hill to climb…
For no slope is impossible…
I have traveled down so many roads…
Many alone…
Some with the friends I’ve found along the way…
Telling our stories as we go…
Sharing our dreams with those precious few…
And our secrets with even fewer…
Yet, when the day is done…
I find myself where I am now…
On my own…
Gazing upon those same stars every night…
Dreaming of the fateful day…
When they shall shine upon this path…
And bring that light into my life…
Knowing in my heart…
That I’ll find what I seek…
Someday…
I may walk my own path…
But this is the life I have chosen…
To be a dreamer…
No…
To be human...
I have to face my Fate alone…
For no man can save another from his destiny…
Nor should he…
I am…
And must be…
My own Hero…
My own Savior…
My own Freedom
I’ll find many more along the way…
The friends that will come and go…
Those special few that inspire me…
And Drive me ever onward…
I’ll find them along the way…
And I’ll always share this road…
With any that would walk with me…
And so…
Like every chapter before it…
I find myself standing here…
Facing the dream that began it all…
The face that started this journey…
I was a boy when we began…
But I stand before him now…
A Man…
No longer living in his shadow…
The man I would strive to follow
But never become
I know now…
He is not my potential…
But rather the man I am through my own eyes…
That vision of who I am…
It has never been more vivid
More clear…
Than it is here and now…
I will never hold that power…
I will never fly…
Never Fight…
Never truly be that man…
A dream that truly… cannot come true…
But as I gaze into that Dream…
And look into those Crimson Eyes…
I see my own courage…
My Strength…
My Will…
The Perseverance that makes me who I am…
And has brought me here today…
That power lives through me…
And I’ll never lose it…
Never…
I’ve lost my way so many times…
I’ve faltered from the hope that defines me…
Now…
Once again…
I can finally say once more…
I have found myself…
My Salvation…
My Peace…
I am reborn…

Hopeless as ever...

I hope this means something to someone someday...
Especially the person it was written for...
if it doesn't already...

Life remains uncertain…
From the moment we enter this world…
From the time we begin this journey…
Until we see it through to the end…
The future…
What lies in store for us…
Remains an everlasting enigma…
We spend our days walking toward that fate…
Through sunny skies…
And starless nights…
Yet through both we keep walking…
Eyes always fixed on what lies ahead…
Only to briefly bask in what we’ve already crossed…
Companions come and go along the way…
Friends are made and lost…
As those years go marching by…
I have crossed many roads in my day…
Seen many dreams…
Moments of triumph…
And of pain…
I know what it means to belong…
And what it means to be alone…
I have seen this world…
And the people who dwell within…
And yet in all of my travels…
I have never met someone…
Quite like you…
You whose mind challenges and inspires at every turn…
Whose eyes gaze upon a world I have never known…
But have always wanted to find…
Your heart tells its own story…
Filled with both tears and smiles…
Darkness and Light…
Hope… and despair…
Our paths may be different…
You and I still may walk alone…
Guided only by our hearts…
Gazing upon those starless nights…
Pondering the future…
As we slowly march toward what is to come…
But when the dust settles…
When the fog finally burns through…
I find myself…
Standing by you…
Hand in hand…
Side by side…
Gazing just beyond the horizon…
With the starry skies above…
With the dark abyss below…
And as I look into those eyes…
To read the story they tell…
With the scars of the past…
The Fear…
The Uncertainty…
And maybe just a bit of hope…
I see the beauty…
The majesty…
The light shining in you…
Whatever is meant for us…
Whatever the future may bring…
Know this to be true:

I’ll fly with you into that sky…
Upon our wings we’ll soar…
I’ll Fall with you into those depths…
To darkness evermore…
No matter what tomorrow hides…
Above… or down below…
As long as we stand side by side…
I’ll never let you go…

If I could have these words be true…
I’ll know there’s hope for me…
I hope that I have found in you…
The Friendship…
You’ve found in me…

Hope...

To the people who actually come on here and read this stuff

I'm sure this title seems rather ironic, considering the piece itself...

But this is how I deal with what happens...

The emotions are on the paper...

and no longer in my mind...

And that's how I keep going...

Hope

How do I stand here now…

As the rain pours down upon my broken body…

The wind howling in the night..

How do I keep walking forward?

When the pain gets so unbearable…

How can I gaze upon a Crimson Sky…

When Darkness is all I have ever known…

Hope has kept me going for so long…

It has driven me to keep fighting in this war we call life…

It has inspired me… Given me faith…

That brighter days do come…

That loneliness can end…

That dreams can come true…

But in the end…

The shield of hope is only so strong…

And even it can falter under the hand of fate…

I have grown so tired…

So tired of this shattered existence…

The light fades by the moment…

My dreams are lost to time…

Love taunts me as it always has…

Bringing me close…

Only to push me just out of reach…

Sometimes I gaze into this darkness…

And wish that it was all a nightmare…

A Bad dream…

A Dark and terrible place…

That would disappear when awoken…

Lost forever to Oblivion…

Maybe this truly is Destiny…

Maybe this is the price I have to pay…

For the strength given to me…

To have a chance at life…

All those years ago…

Maybe this life…

Is the burden I must bear…

To live such a life…

Is to live it alone…

And so… Here I am…

A Face that no one will see…

A Voice that no one will hear…

A Heart that no one will hold…

I stand here now…

Defeated…

Broken…

And Alone…

And yet…

Through the darkness of this night…

Through the rain pouring down on me…

Not a tear has been shed…

Not one drop…

What’s left to stave the tide…?

What else can cast the darkness away…

All I have to save myself…

Before I am taken…

I am all that stands…

Between the void and myself…

My Strength…

My Resolve…

My Hope…

For Hope…

Is all that I am…

And Hope…

Is all that I have left…

Cousin's Wedding Poem

My cousin asked me to write a poem for her wedding... so I did!

This world is always turning…
All the days we walk this earth…
Coming and going…
With a brand new day dawning…
As yesterday fades behind us…
And yet we drift in the currents of time…
Eyes always on what’s further down the bend…
Rushing from one happening to the next…
One has to ask…
Where do all those moments go?
The hours…?
The minutes…?
We never stop to savor the moment…
And so we lose those precious times…
All the simple moments in life…
The times we overlook…
But such is the way of life…
In this fast paced world we live in…
Why can’t we enjoy those simple moments anymore?
The sound of children’s laughter…
The majesty of a sunset…
A lovers embrace…
Why can’t we stop and take pride in those special moments?
When children find their place in the world…
And set out on the journeys of their lives…
To find their happiness…
To start their own families…
When boys become men…
And when girls grow up to be their brides…
Today we’ve been given that chance…
Today we’ve chosen to break away from the current…
Today we’ve stopped the world from turning…
To hold onto these moments…
To embrace our two families…
As they become one…

And so here we are…
Ready to celebrate this joyous union…
Of two lives…
Of two hearts…
Of two souls that have intertwined…
We must treasure this moment…
Until the ends of time…

And as I gaze upon the two of you…
Cousin Jenny…
And Husband Jimmy…
I can only hope that I too…
May one day find the love that you two hold right now…
Together…

I am...

Well it's certainly been a while (as usual) since I've come up with something new...
This is something that's been eating at me for a while... so I figured I'd finally take a stab at it...
I'm happy with what came of it...


I AM
(Yes I know I've used the title before but I like this piece a lot better)

Lost as lost can be…

Wading my way through uncertainty…

Just what does brother Fate have…

In store for the likes of me…?

I dream of clarity…

Of destiny…

My harmony in the depths of chaos…

A voice that echoes through the symphony of life…

A voice that speaks only two words…

I am…

Words alone…

With infinite possibilities together…

Two words with one meaning…

To exist…

To live…

To be…

I am…

The life I have lived…

The life I have chosen…

Sides of a chasm…

This path I walk…

With the hopes that lie ahead…

In the shroud of the vast unknown…

I am…

Always running forward…

Dragging behind me my glory and wonders…

My mistakes and my blunders…

The scars of my life that I can’t escape

Wounds of the body…

Wounds of the mind…

Wounds of the soul…

It really never ends…

The shadows we cast in our hearts…

The Demons we all possess…

Buried away with the tides of time…

Yet in the end our past returns…

One way or another…

I am…

Two words that I have abused in this life…

Two words that describe too many lives for one man to live…

In the struggle to find which one truly defines him…

But in truth… All of them do…

In truth… None of them do…

I am…

Two words I cannot escape from…

As I fight those that stand in my way…

As I stand tall for those at my side who cannot…

As I travel through this age we live in…

Seeking the Dreams that dance inside my head…

Searching for the strength to become that which I want to be…

Still hoping for the love that still remains unseen…

I am…

A man who wants a destiny of his own…

An inspirer of the mind and soul…

A forger of undying hope..

And a fool to place my faith in the world…

I am…

Many Things

Many Faces…

Many Lives…

A Man…

A Dreamer…

A Traveler…

A Chronian in thoughts and Dreams…

A friend…

A life…

A Heart…

I am…

The Modern Day Minstrel…

The Optimist Eternal…

The Crimson Dreamer…

The Master of Time…

I am…

So many things…

In Truth and Fantasy…

In Thought and Fact…

So many faces…

So many voices…

All screaming…

All shouting…

All singing…

In the hopes of finding those two words…

In the travels of this life…

In the moments of this time…

As each passes by…

I search to find the question …

To which I can answer…

I Am…

The Life of A Dreamer

This is a reprisal of my old poem, "The Thoughts of a Dreamer". I've had this idea in my head for a few days and wanted to get it out of my head... so here it is...

The Life of a Dreamer

A Dreamer’s gaze into the light

Upon the crossroads of his life...

Head filled with the stories that make up his journey...

And the thirst for the knowledge that will set him free...

Searching for that single star in the sky...

He begins to question himself...

The life he has lived...

The paths he could have taken...

Time well spent...

And Moments passed by...

The companions met along the way...

And former friends that fade away...

The lives of all that touched his heart...

The loss of those whom he holds dear...

He ponders the logic of his life...

What have I achieved in this life of mine?

Have I made use? Or wasted my time...

What am I in this here and now?

Who is it that I’ve become?

Am I the man I want to be?

And still, where is my destiny?

The questions I’ve known all across my life...

And the answers I may never know...

The places found where I belong...

And dearest friends until we die...

Yet each and all may slip away...

To fade in never ending darkness...

The chill that comes when raindrops fall...

The thrill of life when lived so full...

The pain that chokes a shattered heart...

The taste of love I’ve never known...

Yet each of us will someday fall...

Into that darkness evermore...

Yet only few can safely say...

That he has persevered this day...

And through the darkness standing tall...

Until light of dawn should call...

Singing the song of the heart...

That echoes in each of us...

Gazing through that velvet sky...

Through starless nights and tears of rain...

Through warmth of love and chill of pain...

This is what it means to be...

To be a Dreamer..

To sing their song and live their life...

To have a faith that can pierce the storm...

To brave the darkness and endure the pain...

To embrace the love and face your fears...

To hold onto your dreams and dry your tears...

This is what it means to live through my eyes...

As I stand here now...

At the Crossroads of my life...

Alone and Shattered...

Standing Tall...

A Year

A Year

It took a year to bring him home...
For passion to re-burn...
To open his forgotten tome...
The Dreamer would return...

Long ago he left behind...
That war he’d one day wage...
He sealed the gateway to his mind...
His spirit’s golden age...

He waved farewell to withered past...
And all his old mistake.
This man would become free at last...
Another path he’d take...

He changed the man he’d want to be...
More practical it seem...
But he had lost his destiny...
This man had lost his dream...

The things he forged would fade away...
And never be the same...
His moments transformed day by day...
From marvelous to mundane...

And yet he could not run from it...
The mistakes that he once made...
Doomed to repeat as was saw fit...
By long forgotten Fate...

So all behind a blinded eye...
He went along his course...
No longer would he dream to fly...
He’d locked away the source...

His soul would slide into the depths
And time slowly went by...
The stars would disappear
As he looked up into the sky...

But deep inside this lonely being...
Still beat the Dreamer’s song
And soon he’d need his heart to sing
As peace would soon be gone...

When he caught the slippery slope...
He peered into his mind...
And there he found forgotten hope
He thought he’d never find...

My dreams have not forsaken me...
My pain has made me strong...
My soul has finally set me free...
To where I now belong...

So here I stand a tempered man
One no longer scarred...
From forlorn when my path began
and now, benevolent bard.

Upon myself I cast this name...
A minstrel of modern day...
And maybe I shall find my fame...
Since dreams don’t fade away...

The Crimson Dreamer, him and I
The man I want to be...
And as I see this brand new sky...
I know that I am free...

Truth

A fool I’ve been...

Living out this life of mine...

Dreaming of the unknown future that is supposed to cross my path...

Seeking out fortune and power, wisdom and faith...

The never ending struggle against brother fate...

The story goes on day after day...

And as the pages continue to turn...

The more I see how this world truly is...

The truth has lost meaning in this existence...

How is it that an man such as I...

Built of dignity and pride...

On honesty and virtue...

How is it that I must fall?

Every fool on this earth has succumbed to fate...

Has tasted corruption...

Has Sinned...

But when the hour of judgment comes upon me...

And despite my sins I speak the truth...

It is I who is cast guilty in the name of fate...

I am the one to fall...

Naïve in the shifting winds of the world...

Honest too the ends of the earth...

Foolish beyond any man before me...

Is this another lesson to be learned?

Or does the same old story go on and on and on...?

A lesson in a futile struggle...

Such promise I had in the good old days...

Such ambition, such dedication...

Only to be snuffed out by the fate...

But when the dusk clears, and the verdict made...

It is I to blame...

It is I who cursed my self...

It is I who pleaded guilty...

Honesty...

Truth...

Virtue...

Even in the eyes of corruption

In Vice...

In Sin...

I stand tall to how I have grown to be...

And this is not a strength...

But a downfall...

I’ll be honest until the day I no longer walk this earth...

I’ll be truthful beyond the day that I am left behind...

I’ll be a good man... even when I am alone and have no one left in this world...

And now I stand at a crossroads...

To which not even I know the way to go...

On one hand, lies the path I’ve walked...

With friend and foe alike....

But that path brings me back to the choices I’ve made...

And The black stain that shall follow me through the ages...

With no change in sight..

And even if this is the path I choose...

I know not if I can even return...

And on the other side...

Lies the unknown world...

Freedom from that which has given me some

And taken so much more...

To Gather my pride and walk away...

To begin another search for prosperity...

Another Gap in my road to salvation

And I stand here in the middle...

Lost beyond all reconciliation...

With time as my only redeemer

With time as my only escape...

I look upon my reflection...

And spit upon the image that I have become...

I’ve blackened my own name...

I’ve made my choices...

And now I’ve paid the price...

When lies would have set me free...

The truth has damned me...

Yet again

Yet again...

Yet again...

The Path of A Dream

Wow, I never thought I would get it back so quickly... I've got something I'm quite happy with (And pissed about at the same time...) But I guess it's to be expected...

The Path of A Dream

All my life I have followed a dream…
A path that starts and ends only inside my mind…
Throughout the twists and turns of my heart…
And deep beyond the farthest reaches of my soul…
I have spent so many years following the dream…
My dream…
And where has it led me?
Where do I now stand…?
A new world, a new horizon…
But has anything truly changed…?
No…
My world has not changed…
Only my place in it has…
Such a world where people like me cannot exist…
My life lies upon a dream that will never come to pass…
My faith upon a life that will never live…
I believe in so much…
That these thoughts inside my head will guide me…
But to what?
Is it salvation?
Is it damnation?
Am I on the road to freedom?
Or simply to my end…?
What is it that I was meant to do?
Am I destined for greatness?
Or am I doomed merely to exist?
I do not have the will to simply be…
I do not have the skill to forge my destiny…
I do not have the strength to change this world…
And so what must I do now…
The Crimson Dreamer…
Destined to do great things…
Following the never ending faith in his heart…
And for what?
and why…?
When does the dream become more than just a dream…?
When does faith become reality…
Does it ever rise beyond a foolish optimism?
I will never know these answers…
And so I will walk down a new path…
One that leads to the same as all the others…
My unknown destination…
Where the truth behind my life will be…
For now I must face what lies around…
New people…
New places…
But what does this mean?
Is it really a second chance?
Or is it just another crowd?
One that will condemn and deceive me…
Just like the ones before them…
Is this life?
Is this what is destined to all who cannot walk a path of valor?
Of Wisdom?
Or of greatness?
Are we to deceive ourselves until the ends of time?
Am I all that is left of the graceful world?
I will never understand…
Just as those around me will never understand…
What it is to simply exist…
Without purpose…
Without Destiny…
Without a future…
And so I will wander through the ages of man…
Seeking that which can never be found…
Both Tangible, and in the depths of my imagination…
Such has been, and will be this life…
As no man can ever truly find himself…
When his entire life follows the path of a dream…

Back again!

Greetings from UMD! It's been FOREVER since I've written anything, but I've had some new things to think about... and I just wanted to write something... Not one of my better pieces.. but I'm happy to get something out, and it wasn't a bitch to do either... ^_^

It's like 1:30 so I'm not gonna name this once...

Chaotic life, the one we live…
In every single way…
For all the faith that we should give…
To see a brand new day…
What we are we think must be…
Perspective at a glance…
But some will find new life to see…They get a second chance…
I’m walking down a different path…
A new world to discover…
I’ve found my self beyond the wrath…
Of searching for another…
Beyond the moments long ago…
Beyond the pain so great…
Beyond the ties I used to know…
Beyond my brother Fate…
Embracing what is new around…
This place I now call home...
And while I haven’t left the ground…
My sprit’s free to roam…
The freedom that I once longed for
The peace I dreamt I’d find…
The life I once again adore…
New friends of many kind…
I’ve seen this world with different eyes…
Not trapped inside my past…
To glance upon the different skies…
As time goes by so fast…
So here’s to this, my second road…
Here’s to what’s ahead…
Here’s to what is not foretold…
By life that I don’t dread…
Here’s to what will come to me…
In all that I will do…
Here’s to finally being free…
And Here’s to meeting you…