Moment...

I've had some time to fix this up a bit... So w00t for that!

I went for a walk and came across the Winooski River. It's something I used to drive over every day, but I've never found the time to come down to the actual river itself. Seeing as I was in the area I figured I'd go see it. I ended up finding a nice spot to just sit and think... and from there everything just seemed to come into focus. I had written something earlier in the day to vent, and I wasn't too happy with it. It was just uncessarily angry, and didn't really seem to go anywhere. After having a bit more time to process, as well as resolving several things throughout the day. I came up with this. I was tired and the original version of this was a bit fragmented, so I went back and touched it up and now I have this.

Moment...

In the cold of a winter morning…
My travels have lead me to a river…
The water rages below…
And snow slowly begins to fall…
Something has drawn me to this place…
As I gaze upon these waters…
I wonder to myself…
I stand here now:
A man defeated…
With an aching heart in these hands…
And upon my sleeve…
My mind is lost…
Searching for the words to speak...
Yet, what is left to say…?
My eyes have truly been opened this day…
The puzzle has become clear:
A lonely road continues…
Another horizon I must cross…
To find my star in the sky…
I watch the fury of nature below me…
In the midst of the toil in my head…
One thought emerges from the chaos…
“Why…?”
My grandest of questions…
My oldest of riddles…
Why can’t I escape this fate…?
Why don’t I deserve freedom…?
Why must this struggle live on…?
Those who’ve heard my story know…
I have stood here before…
Time and Time and Time again…
“Why?” I ask myself…
It is this, my greatest of virtues…
And my most fatal of flaws…
My grand naivety…
My faith in humanity…
I strive to see what’s good…
In the hearts of mankind…
My thoughts have echoed unto this world…
For years now...
Yet, here I am…
A single voice…
In an empty room…
Is there truly no one else…?
Who sees this world…
The way I do?
Faces race across my mind…
Thoughts of friends…
And those I’ve kept close to my heart…
Surely one would stand with me…
Yet none stand from the rest…
I wonder to myself…
Does this world hold such a place…
For a Dreamer…?
For someone like me…?
…
No…
This cannot be…
For I am standing here...
Holding onto this moment…
As the snow gently falls…
Upon this mighty river…
This glimpse of time may be all I have…
But it I can call my own…
No matter how small it may be…
As it fades into the next…
I will find myself another…
Another moment to hold…
Another heart to seek…
Another dream to forge…
Again… And Again… and Again…
I will do what must be done…
Until I’ve found my place…
My purpose…
My peace…
Like this river below me…
I will endure…
As I always have…
Since my beginning…
I shall persevere…
As the seasons change…
And time drifts ever ahead…
The wind howls…
My thoughts interrupted…
The sound of footsteps…
Slowly closing in…
A friend approaches…
It is time…
To heave a heavy sigh…
And let everything go…
My moment has come and gone…
And now I know what must be done…
Here I go…

Somewhere...

So I'm not sure what got me going with this one. It started off as something I've daydreamed about when I hear a particular song, and then just took off from there. I'm happy with it though. I seem to have gotten a bit of my creative spark that I thought I lost. This is probably the most active I've been with writing in a LONG LONG time...
Somewhere

I stand here now…
Gazing across the horizon...
As the sun sets on this day...
Brilliant colors dance across the sky...
As the sun gives way to an evening glow...
The wind blows gently across my face...
My gaze never faltering...
One by one the stars begin to shine...
Billions of lights...
Shining through the darkness...
People come and gaze with me...
And sooner or later they leave...
Some will stay and tell their stories...
Others disappear in a heartbeat...

Yet, one by one…

They all seem to drift away…
Does no one see what I see...?

Do they not grasp the grandeur?

Do they not see me standing here?

Do they even hear me...?

Is there anyone out there…?

Who sees this world…

The way I do…?

Will I ever find another…

Who sings the Dreamer’s Song…?

A question…

Born from a desire to love…

Yet forged into a quest for knowledge…

So that one day one may understand…

The life of which I’ve lived…

So much has happened…

In my existence here…

I’ve watched the world changed…

I’ve seen the rise of History…

And with all the good upon this earth…

Corruption echoes…

Evil Lingers…

And human nature takes its toll…

And though so much has gone awry…

I still see a world so beautiful…

Behind my emerald eyes…

I still dream of changing this world…

And seeking my final destiny…

But where is it that I will find my strength…?

To leave my mark in time…

There is so much fear in the unknown…

So much doubt in the uncertainty…

A plain I have known all too well…

But even in my short life…

I’ve found answers…

One way or another…

Looking around I ask myself…

Why do I tell these tales…?

If no one will listen…?

Why do I sing these songs…?

If there is no other to join me…?

Why do I love this world…

And all of its people…?
If they do not love me…?

I will never know…

But as long as my heart continues to beat…

I will not give up on these people…

I will not lose hope in this world…

I will not fall again…

It is so beautiful…

The stars upon a Crimson Sky…

I still dream of the day…

That I will find my wings to fly…

So much has been forgotten…

But the story still beats in my heart…

My Journey…

My Legend…

My Legacy….

And so the story goes…

I will wait as long as I must…

Upon this ever changing earth…

Until someone will hear my song…

Or until my brother calls me home…

You have to be out there…

Somewhere…

Identity

I came across an interesting thought today, and once I had enough time to work with it a bit I was able to write something. This goes back to some of my more classic work. Happy I was able to write it.

On that Note: After 6 and a half years writing on here I feel like it was time to update the layout...

I think it looks sleeker = D

Anyway...

Identity

Throughout my journey upon this earth…

Through answers found, and questions forged…

Long have I pondered in my existence...

The question of Who…

Just who am I?

A question so simple…

Yet the answer I seek lies deep within my soul…

I am a man of many faces…

I am a wearer of many hats…

All of which are the culmination of the Who…

Yet which is it that truly defines me?

Is it I, the Champion?

The Soldier…?

The cunning warrior on the battlefield…

Fighting for my freedom?

Or is it I, the Name?

The simplest of choices…

Yet surely, I am more than just the man…

I want to be more than just my name…

Perhaps it is I, the Sage?

Keeper of guidance…

Passing my wisdom to those who seek it…

Searching for the truth?

Could I be… the Dreamer…?

Forging my Legacy in the depths of my being…

Seeking a way to unlock my mind…

And truly show this world my song…

Here I am only a few…

Yet even still, I can be so much…

I’ve sought to be a billion names…

Among a million faces…

Yet can I find myself in just the one?

Which of my voices is it that speaks from the heart…?

Which of my eyes gazes upon the beauty of this world…?

Which of my hands have forged the life that I now live…?

All of these…

And none of them…

The Culmination of all…

Different lives, all claiming one soul…

A warrior fighting a never-ending struggle.

A dreamer, always on the verge of tomorrow…

A storyteller who has yet to craft his masterpiece…

A player battling for victory…

A guide striving to be a hero to someone…

A hopeful romantic with love in his heart…

A man seeking more than just his name...

A child looking for a friend on a lonely road…

I am more than just a man…

I am greater than the sum of my parts…

Every face…

Every title…

Every name…

C.Malzinka…

Chrono H…

H. Dynedockia…

Matthew C…

All are fragments of the whole…

All are voices in this chorus…

Pieces of my grand design…

Forgers of the never-ending dream…

That is my Crimson Legacy…

Dear Brother

This is my therapy. Creativity hand in hand with Suffering, and while much of my older work symbolizes that concept. So much has changed from those days. I will always enjoy writing, but much of it represents a part of my life that has come and gone. The need for it has diminished, hence it's decline over the last few years.

This piece is a homage to that based on some things that have been going on lately. However, this has been more of it venting exercise than a woeful situation.

What I'm essentially trying to say is. I generally write now-adays from being triggered into something, rather than in direct response to my life experiences (I suppose this statement is half-true) So don't be surprised if it's out of context, generally my work tends to be hyperbolized when it comes to emotions.....

Well I'm rambling so here!

Dear Brother

From the moment my eyes first opened, I have cursed my dreaded brother, Fate. Long throughout my life he has tormented me. Fate, a presence that every man has learned to fear, for with that name comes the fear of what lies ahead, and the terrible, yet inevitable outcome that awaits each and every one of us. Even from my own perspective, my brother has been objectified with many faces. From the beginning of my journey, I had felt his presence; binding me to a life of misery. It was sorrow and pain that set me on my journey, and no matter how valiant my efforts were I could not escape the grasp of my cursed brother; Bound… By Fate. Much of my life was spent in fear, and in agony from this one certainty, and as time pressed onward I would fight, stumble, and submit; Submit… to the will of Fate.

For years I pondered alone at night. Gazing up into an empty sky, desperately searching for a star, a light, anything that could bring hope into a hopeless life. For many nights I waited, and waited, and no stars would shine for me. I found myself lost in a void of my thoughts; endlessly searching through an empty world. I made my strides, my leaps and bounds, so close that I thought I could fly… Yet no matter my cause, or my reason I could not escape; Escape… The Chains of Fate. For a long time I suffered… with no way to defend myself… but all was not lost, as one day I would find the strength to break free, but I would need somewhere to prepare. And I found my upper hand. With the love that beat in my heart I would find the hope to persevere. And in the Sanctuary of my mind… I could never be beaten…

In this world, my brother is not seen, yet he is a presence that none can deny.

No man has claimed to see Brother Fate, but his deeds are forever known. Yet, in the minds eye, he can be tangible, physical. It is here that he could be defeated… and it is here that I could have the power to fight him…And so the Clash began. I fought for freedom, I fought for peace, and while outside of these delusions of grandeur I gained no ground. I found something I had lost for a long time… I had hope.

I’ve written of my struggles in other places. I’ve written of the people that have come and gone from my life; those that have joined, and left, my path. Yet throughout my travels it has been Brother Fate who always stood near. It would take years for me to finally see the truth that was my brother. Through the fear of many, a symbol of doom, a sign of death, sorrow, and grief. A sign of what was to come, and what cannot be redesigned. Yet now, after all this time has passed. I now see, that my brother wears many faces. We all shall meet with our Brother someday. And while that may be inevitable, the path that leads us to him is not. Fate cam be made, Fate can be Forged. And the reins can be taken by the hands of men. We do not have to fear him. I do not have to fight him. Not anymore…

It has taken a decade of suffering, of pain, of sorrow, of joy, of wonder, and of amazement to truly open my eyes. All of the woe, and misery that I have experienced, coupled with all my precious memories, have forged me into the man you see before you. The Fire still burns in my eyes, and the battle still wages from within. I will never stop fighting, because it is that fight that brings me hope, and the resolve to never give up. And though we’ve had our sibling rivalry, I owe all to my Dear Brother…

Felt like Venting... (Running)

So I'm a little frustrated with how things have been playing out. So in response I decided to do some late night writing... This is how I like to vent because I *think* that I am making something creative out of a frustrating situation. That being said this is mostly an internal thing so try not to take anything out of context. Anyway...

Running

I’ve tried so hard to run away…
To flee from a life of Stagnancy…
A future not worth finding…
A world not worth fighting for…

Is there truly anything left for me here?
Drifting through the endless nothing…
What is it that binds me to this life that I now live…
There is nothing
No Love to guide me…
No Purpose worth fighting for…
No future worth dying for…

As I stand here now I am a fool…
Who wears his emotions on his sleeve…
So that all the world can see…
Who treads a path of chaos and stupidity…
So that all the world can laugh…
Who sings a song that only he understands…
How can he seek to change this world…?
When he can do so very little to change his own…

Time and time again I have returned here…
Broken and Defeated…
Lost…
And Alone…
And long after these words have been spoken…
I shall see this place…
Time and Time again…

But I will not stay and suffer here…
I will not decay in this horrible place…
This wasteland…
This Void…
This is the world that I cannot escape…
This is a battle that I cannot win…
This emptiness that I can no longer stand…
No longer bare…
No longer lose myself in…
No longer…

And so I won’t… Not Anymore…

The gears have now begun to turn…
The wings will now ascend…
And with my eyes towards the future…
I will run…
Never Stopping…
Never Looking Back…
And as I go my essence will go with me...
I will not leave my impressions behind...
I will not have a mark to make in this place...
I will go as I have come...
And I will fade into the darkness and be forgotten...
But I will not forget...

I will fly away from this world…
And I will find myself a new home..
A new world to call my own…
With new friends and new possibilities to explore…

I will keep running…
Until I find my peace…
I will keep searching…
Until my path is right…
I will keep dreaming…
Until I find a reality…

It’s only a matter of time now…

Purpose

It seems that more and more time comes between then and now. My life is being lived, and while I always have the time to dream. It's hard to find the time to write... But still, The Crimson Dreamer Lives. I have not forgotten what has brought me along for almost a decade now. And it's very appropriate that this comes now, as I am on the verge of a very big transition in my life... and to come to this conclusion now makes a lot of sense if You want to analyze it. Anyway, I'm glad to finally get something new up here as it has certainly been some time.

Purpose

Like many moments before this one…
I approach a crossroads in this life…
Yet none before it seemed so grand…
As the choices I’m about to make…

I’ve come so far to see this day…
Beyond the peace that I once sought…
Beside the love I’d find and lose…
Beneath the Dreams still locked away…

Although my journey is my own…
And though this path is one I choose…
More now, than any moment passed…
I hold my future in my hands…

What lies ahead is up to me…
Both where I go and what I find…
And yet, so much must still be done…
The journey’s only just begun…

And as I dream upon this day…
When fate is mine alone to make…
Still wondering my lonely heart…
And troubled mind, with questions filled…

When all began, ‘twas faith I’d need…
To save me from my darkened world…
With new found courage, strength was forged…
And thus, my story came to be…

To share my tale, I’d fall in love...
Again, Again, and time Again…
Yet still, no heart would call my name…
That is until that fateful day…

I held it so… then let it go...
A lesson learned unto this day…
That love is fleeting, fickle, frail…
And Love is tempered, shining, true…

And so an age has passed again…
Was once a boy…
Now stand a man…
And looking down the flow of time…
A question answered at long last!

‘Tis purpose… Meaning that I seek!
For why I fell, and how I’d rise…
A Reason in this grand design…
One meant for me… a Destiny…

I may not fly on Wings of Time…
With Hands of Fate… and Blade of Dreams…
That Journey I’m not meant to take…
That story still is mine to tell…

And so it is… and Here I am…
A man whose path is his to Take…
This Dreamer’s song is his to make…
With Justice, Fire, Freedom, and Faith…

Through Peace… The Fallen found his hope…
Through Strength… The Dreamer found his way…
Through Love… The Man had found his heart…
Through Time… I’ll find what’s meant to be…

Emerald Eyes!

And this is my second piece!

My last one took about 3 days to write...

This one took less than an hour!

This one flows a hell of a lot better too!

I'm REALLY proud of this one! It's a lot more upbeat than the last one!

And I know, my eyes shift from green to brown and somewhere in between, but there is at least enough green in them to warrant the name of this piece!!!

Anyway!

Emerald Eyes...


My emerald eyes have opened…
As I wake unto this day
With dreams and possibilities
And oh so much to say!

With people always changing…
You just never can foresee…
The way this world is turning…
And what this might mean for me!

As I’ve grown up these many years…
I’ve seen so many faces…
Some people come and some may go…
And some just fill the spaces!

Our roads are rocky time to time…
Our hearts can lose their light…
Let me explain!
All’s not in vain!
We’ll find our feet tonight!

For some of us, it’s hard to beat
The hate in someone’s heart…
But don’t return that hatred back!
You’ll have your place to start!

At times we feel like we’re alone…
Some people aren’t so great…
That doesn’t mean that you’re condemned
By dearest brother Fate!

Keep looking for the hope you need…
I’m telling you! It’s there!
Just keep your head up towards the sky…
This life’s not THAT unfair!

You’ll find the light you’re looking for…
It’s shining in your soul…
And even in a world alone…
That light can keep you whole…

It’s faith that’s brought me here today…
It’s faith that keeps me strong…
For I know I will find my place…
A place I too belong!

I see this world for what it is…
So genuine and true…
I know this because I have found…
People like me and you…

Although we may be scattered…
I assure you we are here…
And when we come
We’ll be the ones
To take away your fear…

I wish you all could see this world…
The earth, the seas and starry skies…
And all the people smiling here…
The way I do… through Emerald eyes…

The Wish...

So I've been on a bit of a streak lately! Things are going well and I just wanted to write!

This one's gonna seem a little down, but IDK It came to me (though it was a PAIN to get it to rhyme, probably why it's a little sad in the middle = P)

I'm working on another one right now too.. lets hope that one goes a little more smoothly, and I don't have to resort to anything sad! ^_^

This one is probably a little more like some of my classic work... I can't believe I just said that... Lol

The Wish...

When all the world had passed me by…
With nothing left to hold…
I gazed unto a midnight sky…
And watched the stars unfold…

I made a simple wish that day…
Upon that light so free…
I wished Someday…
Somehow…
Some way…
That light could shine for me…

A better world I knew I’d find…
A love I’d soon embrace…
A hope to hold a heart so kind…
As tears ran down my face…

Yet Brother Fate cast me aside…
As I began to fall…
My heart and soul were lost inside…
These chains would soon enthrall…

A boy was I in days of old…
When I had made that plea…
10 years have passed, and truth be told…
My heart is still not free…

Love will deliver me from fear…
My chains it would unbind…
That moment here…
So Crystal Clear…
The freedom I will find…

Although my path has been lonely…
And the journey’s had its pain…
This life holds little misery…
This heart holds no disdain…

Forgiveness to this world… my home…
That I thought passed me by
I thought that I stood here alone…
Just looking at that sky…

I made a wish so long ago…
Unto that sky so blue…
And with a smile, this I know…
My wish… it will come true…

Light

So I've wanted to write something new for a little while now...
Since I found myself really being happy again... I'm glad this one came to me so quickly...

I borrowed a quote towards the bottom, but I guarantee very few (if any)are going to know what it is, or where it's from. Lol Anyway


Light

So much time has been wasted…
Dwelling upon the darkest of days…
Searching through the stars in the sky…
To find a light that shines for me…
I’ve been a fool…
Wasting away in my own desires…
When the truth has remained at my side…
All this time…
Buried within the darkness…
Lies the brightest of lights…
In my own heart…
At the depths of my own soul…
Here is the warmth I’ve always wanted…
That I’ve always had.
I will not waste another today…
Nor will I pine for the midnight sky…
A star can shine for everyone…
I’ve been greedy…
Selfish…
Wanting a life I don’t deserve…
A Dream I need not realized…
And in this moment…
Here and now…
I see that I am the blind man…
Searching for a sight…
A vision that I have always had…
I am my own wings…
My own love…
My own freedom…
For far too long…
I thought I had lost those precious feelings…
That unbridled Joy
A poorly hidden smile…
All the joy in my heart…
Seemed lost and forgotten…
And yet here I stand…
At peace with myself…
No longer knee deep in the darkness…
Pining away my existence…
Searching for something better…
When what I really want...
Has been right here…
This path doesn’t have to be lonely…
This world doesn’t have to be frightening…
This night doesn’t have to last forever…
Though storms may come…
And Darkness may linger…
As long as I hold on to the light inside myself…
I’ll always have something to fight for…
Destiny is the power in my hands to change the world…
Strength is simply the will to never give up…
And Courage is the Magic that turns dreams into reality…
I will keep walking forward…
Down the road I’ve made for my self…
With my head held high…
My eyes gazing upward and onward…
Towards the future…
Waiting for the happiness that awaits ahead of me…
But embracing the same feelings that I hold now…
And I can’t stop smiling…

Rebirth...

I haven't really been myself lately. I've had some things on my mind that have really tested me mentally and emotionally, but I'm to blame. I've made my situation stressful, tense and frustrating. And I fell back upon some old habits I'm not particularly proud of... (Nothing Illegal people!) and over the last few weeks I can certainly see that I've learned a lot about the man that I truly am... My words, my principles, my values, deep down they hold true... and define me... Feelings have been hurt, and friendships have been tested. But in the end... This is where I'm at... I've overcome my demons and although I'm still a little confused... I'm happy... Honestly, genuinely, truly. I am happy. And the first time in a LONG LONG LONG Time... I've felt the inspiration to write from that emotion... Not for friends, not for people I care about... This one's for me... and there is truth in these words... I am on my way... ^_^

Rebirth

I feel a new chapter has begun in my life…
Strange it seems…
As the previous entry seemed so short…
Time can change a life so quickly…
The path you walk…
The friends you have…
The Feelings you hold…
All the things you feel you can never let go of…
And just like that…
Your world changes…
Friendships run their course …
Feelings fade…
Life as you know it is lost…
Gone without a trace…
And you stand there alone…
Wondering where the time went…?
And after you’ve picked up the pieces of your life…
You take that first step forward…
And you’re on your way…
I’ve traversed much in my life…
I’ve seen friendships come and go…
I’ve held a heart in my hands…
If only briefly…
Yet too have I lost my own heart…
Had it shattered…
I’ve lost the will to fight…
And my faith in humanity…
I have succumbed to the darkness in my mind…
Much has come and gone…
I’ve fallen down many valleys…
Yet, through all of them…
I’ve found a hill to climb…
For no slope is impossible…
I have traveled down so many roads…
Many alone…
Some with the friends I’ve found along the way…
Telling our stories as we go…
Sharing our dreams with those precious few…
And our secrets with even fewer…
Yet, when the day is done…
I find myself where I am now…
On my own…
Gazing upon those same stars every night…
Dreaming of the fateful day…
When they shall shine upon this path…
And bring that light into my life…
Knowing in my heart…
That I’ll find what I seek…
Someday…
I may walk my own path…
But this is the life I have chosen…
To be a dreamer…
No…
To be human...
I have to face my Fate alone…
For no man can save another from his destiny…
Nor should he…
I am…
And must be…
My own Hero…
My own Savior…
My own Freedom
I’ll find many more along the way…
The friends that will come and go…
Those special few that inspire me…
And Drive me ever onward…
I’ll find them along the way…
And I’ll always share this road…
With any that would walk with me…
And so…
Like every chapter before it…
I find myself standing here…
Facing the dream that began it all…
The face that started this journey…
I was a boy when we began…
But I stand before him now…
A Man…
No longer living in his shadow…
The man I would strive to follow
But never become
I know now…
He is not my potential…
But rather the man I am through my own eyes…
That vision of who I am…
It has never been more vivid
More clear…
Than it is here and now…
I will never hold that power…
I will never fly…
Never Fight…
Never truly be that man…
A dream that truly… cannot come true…
But as I gaze into that Dream…
And look into those Crimson Eyes…
I see my own courage…
My Strength…
My Will…
The Perseverance that makes me who I am…
And has brought me here today…
That power lives through me…
And I’ll never lose it…
Never…
I’ve lost my way so many times…
I’ve faltered from the hope that defines me…
Now…
Once again…
I can finally say once more…
I have found myself…
My Salvation…
My Peace…
I am reborn…