Identity

I came across an interesting thought today, and once I had enough time to work with it a bit I was able to write something. This goes back to some of my more classic work. Happy I was able to write it.

On that Note: After 6 and a half years writing on here I feel like it was time to update the layout...

I think it looks sleeker = D

Anyway...

Identity

Throughout my journey upon this earth…

Through answers found, and questions forged…

Long have I pondered in my existence...

The question of Who…

Just who am I?

A question so simple…

Yet the answer I seek lies deep within my soul…

I am a man of many faces…

I am a wearer of many hats…

All of which are the culmination of the Who…

Yet which is it that truly defines me?

Is it I, the Champion?

The Soldier…?

The cunning warrior on the battlefield…

Fighting for my freedom?

Or is it I, the Name?

The simplest of choices…

Yet surely, I am more than just the man…

I want to be more than just my name…

Perhaps it is I, the Sage?

Keeper of guidance…

Passing my wisdom to those who seek it…

Searching for the truth?

Could I be… the Dreamer…?

Forging my Legacy in the depths of my being…

Seeking a way to unlock my mind…

And truly show this world my song…

Here I am only a few…

Yet even still, I can be so much…

I’ve sought to be a billion names…

Among a million faces…

Yet can I find myself in just the one?

Which of my voices is it that speaks from the heart…?

Which of my eyes gazes upon the beauty of this world…?

Which of my hands have forged the life that I now live…?

All of these…

And none of them…

The Culmination of all…

Different lives, all claiming one soul…

A warrior fighting a never-ending struggle.

A dreamer, always on the verge of tomorrow…

A storyteller who has yet to craft his masterpiece…

A player battling for victory…

A guide striving to be a hero to someone…

A hopeful romantic with love in his heart…

A man seeking more than just his name...

A child looking for a friend on a lonely road…

I am more than just a man…

I am greater than the sum of my parts…

Every face…

Every title…

Every name…

C.Malzinka…

Chrono H…

H. Dynedockia…

Matthew C…

All are fragments of the whole…

All are voices in this chorus…

Pieces of my grand design…

Forgers of the never-ending dream…

That is my Crimson Legacy…

Dear Brother

This is my therapy. Creativity hand in hand with Suffering, and while much of my older work symbolizes that concept. So much has changed from those days. I will always enjoy writing, but much of it represents a part of my life that has come and gone. The need for it has diminished, hence it's decline over the last few years.

This piece is a homage to that based on some things that have been going on lately. However, this has been more of it venting exercise than a woeful situation.

What I'm essentially trying to say is. I generally write now-adays from being triggered into something, rather than in direct response to my life experiences (I suppose this statement is half-true) So don't be surprised if it's out of context, generally my work tends to be hyperbolized when it comes to emotions.....

Well I'm rambling so here!

Dear Brother

From the moment my eyes first opened, I have cursed my dreaded brother, Fate. Long throughout my life he has tormented me. Fate, a presence that every man has learned to fear, for with that name comes the fear of what lies ahead, and the terrible, yet inevitable outcome that awaits each and every one of us. Even from my own perspective, my brother has been objectified with many faces. From the beginning of my journey, I had felt his presence; binding me to a life of misery. It was sorrow and pain that set me on my journey, and no matter how valiant my efforts were I could not escape the grasp of my cursed brother; Bound… By Fate. Much of my life was spent in fear, and in agony from this one certainty, and as time pressed onward I would fight, stumble, and submit; Submit… to the will of Fate.

For years I pondered alone at night. Gazing up into an empty sky, desperately searching for a star, a light, anything that could bring hope into a hopeless life. For many nights I waited, and waited, and no stars would shine for me. I found myself lost in a void of my thoughts; endlessly searching through an empty world. I made my strides, my leaps and bounds, so close that I thought I could fly… Yet no matter my cause, or my reason I could not escape; Escape… The Chains of Fate. For a long time I suffered… with no way to defend myself… but all was not lost, as one day I would find the strength to break free, but I would need somewhere to prepare. And I found my upper hand. With the love that beat in my heart I would find the hope to persevere. And in the Sanctuary of my mind… I could never be beaten…

In this world, my brother is not seen, yet he is a presence that none can deny.

No man has claimed to see Brother Fate, but his deeds are forever known. Yet, in the minds eye, he can be tangible, physical. It is here that he could be defeated… and it is here that I could have the power to fight him…And so the Clash began. I fought for freedom, I fought for peace, and while outside of these delusions of grandeur I gained no ground. I found something I had lost for a long time… I had hope.

I’ve written of my struggles in other places. I’ve written of the people that have come and gone from my life; those that have joined, and left, my path. Yet throughout my travels it has been Brother Fate who always stood near. It would take years for me to finally see the truth that was my brother. Through the fear of many, a symbol of doom, a sign of death, sorrow, and grief. A sign of what was to come, and what cannot be redesigned. Yet now, after all this time has passed. I now see, that my brother wears many faces. We all shall meet with our Brother someday. And while that may be inevitable, the path that leads us to him is not. Fate cam be made, Fate can be Forged. And the reins can be taken by the hands of men. We do not have to fear him. I do not have to fight him. Not anymore…

It has taken a decade of suffering, of pain, of sorrow, of joy, of wonder, and of amazement to truly open my eyes. All of the woe, and misery that I have experienced, coupled with all my precious memories, have forged me into the man you see before you. The Fire still burns in my eyes, and the battle still wages from within. I will never stop fighting, because it is that fight that brings me hope, and the resolve to never give up. And though we’ve had our sibling rivalry, I owe all to my Dear Brother…

Felt like Venting... (Running)

So I'm a little frustrated with how things have been playing out. So in response I decided to do some late night writing... This is how I like to vent because I *think* that I am making something creative out of a frustrating situation. That being said this is mostly an internal thing so try not to take anything out of context. Anyway...

Running

I’ve tried so hard to run away…
To flee from a life of Stagnancy…
A future not worth finding…
A world not worth fighting for…

Is there truly anything left for me here?
Drifting through the endless nothing…
What is it that binds me to this life that I now live…
There is nothing
No Love to guide me…
No Purpose worth fighting for…
No future worth dying for…

As I stand here now I am a fool…
Who wears his emotions on his sleeve…
So that all the world can see…
Who treads a path of chaos and stupidity…
So that all the world can laugh…
Who sings a song that only he understands…
How can he seek to change this world…?
When he can do so very little to change his own…

Time and time again I have returned here…
Broken and Defeated…
Lost…
And Alone…
And long after these words have been spoken…
I shall see this place…
Time and Time again…

But I will not stay and suffer here…
I will not decay in this horrible place…
This wasteland…
This Void…
This is the world that I cannot escape…
This is a battle that I cannot win…
This emptiness that I can no longer stand…
No longer bare…
No longer lose myself in…
No longer…

And so I won’t… Not Anymore…

The gears have now begun to turn…
The wings will now ascend…
And with my eyes towards the future…
I will run…
Never Stopping…
Never Looking Back…
And as I go my essence will go with me...
I will not leave my impressions behind...
I will not have a mark to make in this place...
I will go as I have come...
And I will fade into the darkness and be forgotten...
But I will not forget...

I will fly away from this world…
And I will find myself a new home..
A new world to call my own…
With new friends and new possibilities to explore…

I will keep running…
Until I find my peace…
I will keep searching…
Until my path is right…
I will keep dreaming…
Until I find a reality…

It’s only a matter of time now…

Purpose

It seems that more and more time comes between then and now. My life is being lived, and while I always have the time to dream. It's hard to find the time to write... But still, The Crimson Dreamer Lives. I have not forgotten what has brought me along for almost a decade now. And it's very appropriate that this comes now, as I am on the verge of a very big transition in my life... and to come to this conclusion now makes a lot of sense if You want to analyze it. Anyway, I'm glad to finally get something new up here as it has certainly been some time.

Purpose

Like many moments before this one…
I approach a crossroads in this life…
Yet none before it seemed so grand…
As the choices I’m about to make…

I’ve come so far to see this day…
Beyond the peace that I once sought…
Beside the love I’d find and lose…
Beneath the Dreams still locked away…

Although my journey is my own…
And though this path is one I choose…
More now, than any moment passed…
I hold my future in my hands…

What lies ahead is up to me…
Both where I go and what I find…
And yet, so much must still be done…
The journey’s only just begun…

And as I dream upon this day…
When fate is mine alone to make…
Still wondering my lonely heart…
And troubled mind, with questions filled…

When all began, ‘twas faith I’d need…
To save me from my darkened world…
With new found courage, strength was forged…
And thus, my story came to be…

To share my tale, I’d fall in love...
Again, Again, and time Again…
Yet still, no heart would call my name…
That is until that fateful day…

I held it so… then let it go...
A lesson learned unto this day…
That love is fleeting, fickle, frail…
And Love is tempered, shining, true…

And so an age has passed again…
Was once a boy…
Now stand a man…
And looking down the flow of time…
A question answered at long last!

‘Tis purpose… Meaning that I seek!
For why I fell, and how I’d rise…
A Reason in this grand design…
One meant for me… a Destiny…

I may not fly on Wings of Time…
With Hands of Fate… and Blade of Dreams…
That Journey I’m not meant to take…
That story still is mine to tell…

And so it is… and Here I am…
A man whose path is his to Take…
This Dreamer’s song is his to make…
With Justice, Fire, Freedom, and Faith…

Through Peace… The Fallen found his hope…
Through Strength… The Dreamer found his way…
Through Love… The Man had found his heart…
Through Time… I’ll find what’s meant to be…

Emerald Eyes!

And this is my second piece!

My last one took about 3 days to write...

This one took less than an hour!

This one flows a hell of a lot better too!

I'm REALLY proud of this one! It's a lot more upbeat than the last one!

And I know, my eyes shift from green to brown and somewhere in between, but there is at least enough green in them to warrant the name of this piece!!!

Anyway!

Emerald Eyes...


My emerald eyes have opened…
As I wake unto this day
With dreams and possibilities
And oh so much to say!

With people always changing…
You just never can foresee…
The way this world is turning…
And what this might mean for me!

As I’ve grown up these many years…
I’ve seen so many faces…
Some people come and some may go…
And some just fill the spaces!

Our roads are rocky time to time…
Our hearts can lose their light…
Let me explain!
All’s not in vain!
We’ll find our feet tonight!

For some of us, it’s hard to beat
The hate in someone’s heart…
But don’t return that hatred back!
You’ll have your place to start!

At times we feel like we’re alone…
Some people aren’t so great…
That doesn’t mean that you’re condemned
By dearest brother Fate!

Keep looking for the hope you need…
I’m telling you! It’s there!
Just keep your head up towards the sky…
This life’s not THAT unfair!

You’ll find the light you’re looking for…
It’s shining in your soul…
And even in a world alone…
That light can keep you whole…

It’s faith that’s brought me here today…
It’s faith that keeps me strong…
For I know I will find my place…
A place I too belong!

I see this world for what it is…
So genuine and true…
I know this because I have found…
People like me and you…

Although we may be scattered…
I assure you we are here…
And when we come
We’ll be the ones
To take away your fear…

I wish you all could see this world…
The earth, the seas and starry skies…
And all the people smiling here…
The way I do… through Emerald eyes…

The Wish...

So I've been on a bit of a streak lately! Things are going well and I just wanted to write!

This one's gonna seem a little down, but IDK It came to me (though it was a PAIN to get it to rhyme, probably why it's a little sad in the middle = P)

I'm working on another one right now too.. lets hope that one goes a little more smoothly, and I don't have to resort to anything sad! ^_^

This one is probably a little more like some of my classic work... I can't believe I just said that... Lol

The Wish...

When all the world had passed me by…
With nothing left to hold…
I gazed unto a midnight sky…
And watched the stars unfold…

I made a simple wish that day…
Upon that light so free…
I wished Someday…
Somehow…
Some way…
That light could shine for me…

A better world I knew I’d find…
A love I’d soon embrace…
A hope to hold a heart so kind…
As tears ran down my face…

Yet Brother Fate cast me aside…
As I began to fall…
My heart and soul were lost inside…
These chains would soon enthrall…

A boy was I in days of old…
When I had made that plea…
10 years have passed, and truth be told…
My heart is still not free…

Love will deliver me from fear…
My chains it would unbind…
That moment here…
So Crystal Clear…
The freedom I will find…

Although my path has been lonely…
And the journey’s had its pain…
This life holds little misery…
This heart holds no disdain…

Forgiveness to this world… my home…
That I thought passed me by
I thought that I stood here alone…
Just looking at that sky…

I made a wish so long ago…
Unto that sky so blue…
And with a smile, this I know…
My wish… it will come true…

Light

So I've wanted to write something new for a little while now...
Since I found myself really being happy again... I'm glad this one came to me so quickly...

I borrowed a quote towards the bottom, but I guarantee very few (if any)are going to know what it is, or where it's from. Lol Anyway


Light

So much time has been wasted…
Dwelling upon the darkest of days…
Searching through the stars in the sky…
To find a light that shines for me…
I’ve been a fool…
Wasting away in my own desires…
When the truth has remained at my side…
All this time…
Buried within the darkness…
Lies the brightest of lights…
In my own heart…
At the depths of my own soul…
Here is the warmth I’ve always wanted…
That I’ve always had.
I will not waste another today…
Nor will I pine for the midnight sky…
A star can shine for everyone…
I’ve been greedy…
Selfish…
Wanting a life I don’t deserve…
A Dream I need not realized…
And in this moment…
Here and now…
I see that I am the blind man…
Searching for a sight…
A vision that I have always had…
I am my own wings…
My own love…
My own freedom…
For far too long…
I thought I had lost those precious feelings…
That unbridled Joy
A poorly hidden smile…
All the joy in my heart…
Seemed lost and forgotten…
And yet here I stand…
At peace with myself…
No longer knee deep in the darkness…
Pining away my existence…
Searching for something better…
When what I really want...
Has been right here…
This path doesn’t have to be lonely…
This world doesn’t have to be frightening…
This night doesn’t have to last forever…
Though storms may come…
And Darkness may linger…
As long as I hold on to the light inside myself…
I’ll always have something to fight for…
Destiny is the power in my hands to change the world…
Strength is simply the will to never give up…
And Courage is the Magic that turns dreams into reality…
I will keep walking forward…
Down the road I’ve made for my self…
With my head held high…
My eyes gazing upward and onward…
Towards the future…
Waiting for the happiness that awaits ahead of me…
But embracing the same feelings that I hold now…
And I can’t stop smiling…

Rebirth...

I haven't really been myself lately. I've had some things on my mind that have really tested me mentally and emotionally, but I'm to blame. I've made my situation stressful, tense and frustrating. And I fell back upon some old habits I'm not particularly proud of... (Nothing Illegal people!) and over the last few weeks I can certainly see that I've learned a lot about the man that I truly am... My words, my principles, my values, deep down they hold true... and define me... Feelings have been hurt, and friendships have been tested. But in the end... This is where I'm at... I've overcome my demons and although I'm still a little confused... I'm happy... Honestly, genuinely, truly. I am happy. And the first time in a LONG LONG LONG Time... I've felt the inspiration to write from that emotion... Not for friends, not for people I care about... This one's for me... and there is truth in these words... I am on my way... ^_^

Rebirth

I feel a new chapter has begun in my life…
Strange it seems…
As the previous entry seemed so short…
Time can change a life so quickly…
The path you walk…
The friends you have…
The Feelings you hold…
All the things you feel you can never let go of…
And just like that…
Your world changes…
Friendships run their course …
Feelings fade…
Life as you know it is lost…
Gone without a trace…
And you stand there alone…
Wondering where the time went…?
And after you’ve picked up the pieces of your life…
You take that first step forward…
And you’re on your way…
I’ve traversed much in my life…
I’ve seen friendships come and go…
I’ve held a heart in my hands…
If only briefly…
Yet too have I lost my own heart…
Had it shattered…
I’ve lost the will to fight…
And my faith in humanity…
I have succumbed to the darkness in my mind…
Much has come and gone…
I’ve fallen down many valleys…
Yet, through all of them…
I’ve found a hill to climb…
For no slope is impossible…
I have traveled down so many roads…
Many alone…
Some with the friends I’ve found along the way…
Telling our stories as we go…
Sharing our dreams with those precious few…
And our secrets with even fewer…
Yet, when the day is done…
I find myself where I am now…
On my own…
Gazing upon those same stars every night…
Dreaming of the fateful day…
When they shall shine upon this path…
And bring that light into my life…
Knowing in my heart…
That I’ll find what I seek…
Someday…
I may walk my own path…
But this is the life I have chosen…
To be a dreamer…
No…
To be human...
I have to face my Fate alone…
For no man can save another from his destiny…
Nor should he…
I am…
And must be…
My own Hero…
My own Savior…
My own Freedom
I’ll find many more along the way…
The friends that will come and go…
Those special few that inspire me…
And Drive me ever onward…
I’ll find them along the way…
And I’ll always share this road…
With any that would walk with me…
And so…
Like every chapter before it…
I find myself standing here…
Facing the dream that began it all…
The face that started this journey…
I was a boy when we began…
But I stand before him now…
A Man…
No longer living in his shadow…
The man I would strive to follow
But never become
I know now…
He is not my potential…
But rather the man I am through my own eyes…
That vision of who I am…
It has never been more vivid
More clear…
Than it is here and now…
I will never hold that power…
I will never fly…
Never Fight…
Never truly be that man…
A dream that truly… cannot come true…
But as I gaze into that Dream…
And look into those Crimson Eyes…
I see my own courage…
My Strength…
My Will…
The Perseverance that makes me who I am…
And has brought me here today…
That power lives through me…
And I’ll never lose it…
Never…
I’ve lost my way so many times…
I’ve faltered from the hope that defines me…
Now…
Once again…
I can finally say once more…
I have found myself…
My Salvation…
My Peace…
I am reborn…

Hopeless as ever...

I hope this means something to someone someday...
Especially the person it was written for...
if it doesn't already...

Life remains uncertain…
From the moment we enter this world…
From the time we begin this journey…
Until we see it through to the end…
The future…
What lies in store for us…
Remains an everlasting enigma…
We spend our days walking toward that fate…
Through sunny skies…
And starless nights…
Yet through both we keep walking…
Eyes always fixed on what lies ahead…
Only to briefly bask in what we’ve already crossed…
Companions come and go along the way…
Friends are made and lost…
As those years go marching by…
I have crossed many roads in my day…
Seen many dreams…
Moments of triumph…
And of pain…
I know what it means to belong…
And what it means to be alone…
I have seen this world…
And the people who dwell within…
And yet in all of my travels…
I have never met someone…
Quite like you…
You whose mind challenges and inspires at every turn…
Whose eyes gaze upon a world I have never known…
But have always wanted to find…
Your heart tells its own story…
Filled with both tears and smiles…
Darkness and Light…
Hope… and despair…
Our paths may be different…
You and I still may walk alone…
Guided only by our hearts…
Gazing upon those starless nights…
Pondering the future…
As we slowly march toward what is to come…
But when the dust settles…
When the fog finally burns through…
I find myself…
Standing by you…
Hand in hand…
Side by side…
Gazing just beyond the horizon…
With the starry skies above…
With the dark abyss below…
And as I look into those eyes…
To read the story they tell…
With the scars of the past…
The Fear…
The Uncertainty…
And maybe just a bit of hope…
I see the beauty…
The majesty…
The light shining in you…
Whatever is meant for us…
Whatever the future may bring…
Know this to be true:

I’ll fly with you into that sky…
Upon our wings we’ll soar…
I’ll Fall with you into those depths…
To darkness evermore…
No matter what tomorrow hides…
Above… or down below…
As long as we stand side by side…
I’ll never let you go…

If I could have these words be true…
I’ll know there’s hope for me…
I hope that I have found in you…
The Friendship…
You’ve found in me…

Hope...

To the people who actually come on here and read this stuff

I'm sure this title seems rather ironic, considering the piece itself...

But this is how I deal with what happens...

The emotions are on the paper...

and no longer in my mind...

And that's how I keep going...

Hope

How do I stand here now…

As the rain pours down upon my broken body…

The wind howling in the night..

How do I keep walking forward?

When the pain gets so unbearable…

How can I gaze upon a Crimson Sky…

When Darkness is all I have ever known…

Hope has kept me going for so long…

It has driven me to keep fighting in this war we call life…

It has inspired me… Given me faith…

That brighter days do come…

That loneliness can end…

That dreams can come true…

But in the end…

The shield of hope is only so strong…

And even it can falter under the hand of fate…

I have grown so tired…

So tired of this shattered existence…

The light fades by the moment…

My dreams are lost to time…

Love taunts me as it always has…

Bringing me close…

Only to push me just out of reach…

Sometimes I gaze into this darkness…

And wish that it was all a nightmare…

A Bad dream…

A Dark and terrible place…

That would disappear when awoken…

Lost forever to Oblivion…

Maybe this truly is Destiny…

Maybe this is the price I have to pay…

For the strength given to me…

To have a chance at life…

All those years ago…

Maybe this life…

Is the burden I must bear…

To live such a life…

Is to live it alone…

And so… Here I am…

A Face that no one will see…

A Voice that no one will hear…

A Heart that no one will hold…

I stand here now…

Defeated…

Broken…

And Alone…

And yet…

Through the darkness of this night…

Through the rain pouring down on me…

Not a tear has been shed…

Not one drop…

What’s left to stave the tide…?

What else can cast the darkness away…

All I have to save myself…

Before I am taken…

I am all that stands…

Between the void and myself…

My Strength…

My Resolve…

My Hope…

For Hope…

Is all that I am…

And Hope…

Is all that I have left…