Saturday, September 10, 2005

I can't name this...

Today may be one of the worst days of my life... What started out as a day of absolute Triumph has now perished into this... Normally I would write a lot more than this... but I can't handle this... I Can't... and This is all I can afford myself...

...
What is left of a lost Friendship

I set fourth on this journey... in the name of friendship... with the song of a Dreamer in my heart... and all the hope in the world...And now there is nothing left of this path... Here... in the ashes of what was once a friendship... and in the shattered dream that was once love... I lie in the center... with a heart still beating... and a mind still dreaming... but this is all that I have left... My Friendship died many days ago... My Love Fell with it... and as it tumbled to the ground... all of my hopes... all of my dreams... all of the Good things that I had in the world... died with it this day... in my battered hand is the letter you wrote... the words that broke my heart... I am without a beacon... without a star to guide me through the night... without a light to shine in the darkness of the unknown... I have lost my courage... I have lost my strength... I have lost my love... The one thing I’ve held on to for all these years... The one thing that has driven me through the ashes of this miserable life... the hope of finding someone to share it with... and in my search I found you... and Everything became worthwhile... and now... after I have opened your eyes.... to the TRUTH... you turn and run from me... you quiver in fear... you turn away... you stomp upon my dying heart... and leave me here to die in the ruins of my life... I am alone... cold upon the ground... My limbs frozen in despair... My eyes glazed upon the shattered sky above my head... It begins to rain... and a salty stream of tears flows down my face... This... This is my only home... it is the only home I ever known... this Pain Blankets me... This rain sustains me... This existence is what I am meant to do... I live on... only to suffer... for that is my lot in this life... To strive on what little happiness that is bestowed on me... only to be smitten by the cold hard fist of reality... This is life... this is my life... and I shall never escape this Fate... Brother... You Win...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Two Minds

FINALLY got the creative juices flowing again... and I finally got a good poem written... yay!


Two Minds

I hang from the edge of darkness and light...
With the soul of a mystic... and a doomed lover’s bane...
On one side... happiness... a future so bright...
And the other... oblivion of suffering and pain...
Housed in my soul... two minds are found...
A beacon of hope... A vessel of fate...
This destiny to which I’m bound...
The Dream I’ll one day consummate...
With each passing day I am torn apart...
Trapped on the brink of each echoing path...
It is this pain that shatters my heart...
And brings fourth the doom of my brother’s wrath...
A Dreamer lost with fallen wings...
As love is just beyond my reach...
A Fallen of whom the Dreamer sings...
The only one with the soul of each...
I know not where my heart shall go...
That as my passions swiftly burn...
Or if one day I'll ever know...
To Chronia shall I return...
Will I embrace my destiny?
To Master all of Time and Space...
To find the love out there for me...
And Reunite my scattered race...?
Or is it here I’ll spend my days?
Trapped inside a world alone...
Is there a part that my soul plays...?
Or is it joy to be undone?
A cycle of life... cast into the flame...
A man with a dream... to fall in love...
A life that shall never be the same...
The wings of hope... to fly above...
Where is the place that I shall fall?
Another dream? Or Fallen void...?
Am I to be my brother’s thrall?
Or shall his glory be destroyed...?
These questions always plague my mind...
When the sun goes down... and the stars shine bright...
My squandered past... the Love I shall find...
The tears shall fall from my face tonight...
Love is the only dream I can hope...
In this reality of mine...
So far no luck... but I still cope...
It shall come to me at the proper time...
When I am fated to find my star...
And my deepest dream shall at last come true...
My past nothing more than an empty scar...
This day to come... I shall be with you...

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I am...

Wow... this came out of nowhere... but It's not too bad... enjoy!

I am a drifter… lost and free…
Able to forge my destiny...
There never was a home for me...
A Drifters dream to win…
I am a demon… cunning and cruel…
Cutting my path to nobodies rule…
Here to prove that man is a fool…
A Demons dream to sin…
I am a soldier… born to fight…
Save the world… with all my might…
No evil shall escape my sight…
A Soldiers dream to die…
I am a Dreamer… seeking another...
Tired of torment from my evil brother…
Destiny or Love… it’s one or the other…
A Dreamers dream to fly…
I am a pilot… soaring the skies…
When they reach my sights… the enemy dies…
Never to hear my adversaries cries…
A Pilots dream to soar…
I am a fallen… ending my life…
Sick of existence… this tedious strife…
No tears are falling as I hold the knife…
A Fallen dreams no more…
I am an artist… starving for more…
Painting my path as I open the door…
Piece by piece my ideas shall soar…
An Artists dream to inspire…
I am Revolution… born to change…
Chaos and Violence… I shall rearrange…
Across the world shall my voice be in range…
Revolutions dream to set fire…
I am a loser… fallen in pain...
Walking my path with an endless rain…
Asking myself if my life is in vain…?
A Loser dream to love…
I am me… that’s all I can say…
Strong and weak in many a way…
I hope to meet with you someday…
My Dream... to rise above…

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Maybe Someday... Maybe not...

Another new piece... Enjoy...

Maybe Someday...
*This piece has been removed... sick of trying... sick of failing... I give up...*
No more words I can speak... my path has been chosen...

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Just wanted to add this again! lol I needed a bigger one so! Posted by Picasa

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Just a background I wanted to Put up... I made this with Photoshop... It's not that good but I tried! ^_^ Posted by Picasa

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The Path...

Wow... after 2 months of silence... it's finally come back to me... I've got those gears in my head moving again... and I finally wrote something! ^_^

The Path - The Return of the Crimson Dreamer...

I have fallen from my path… so much has happened… so much has changed since those simple days… the world has be come a different place… and I have begun to drift away from the people that I have grown to care about… Those people… that I strived so hard to be accepted by… to be cared by… to be loved by… suddenly my eyes open to their world… I see the truth of what they are now… Beyond the faces I see when the days roll by… I see what happens when the sun goes down… it is a belligerent world… full of lust… and greed… and while I have not abandoned these people… I have turned my back to them… but that is my moment of triumph… Here… in the present… I feel I have lost my soul… in the struggle to find another heart… I feel that I have given up that which has blessed… and cursed my existence… emotion… as the last few months have come and gone… I have cast that side of me aside… to hold the foundation that I have found… the stability that seems to exist… When I let go of the emotion… and just live my life… and yet… while life has been much easier… and conflict doesn’t seem to spark… I have lost my way… For the Dreams no longer flow from my heart… and my mind is befuddled with the riddles of this “normal” life… As happy as I am to hold the friendships I have reclaimed… and as close as things may seem to finding love… Must I give up my eyes to live this simple life? Have I lost the will to feel? Have I lost the will to Experience…? Have I lost the will… to Dream…? It is what has defined who I am for the last 6 years… and it has been my driving force for my entire life… can I just push it away like this? What happened to the days of searching for Chronia…? What happened to the boasts of Hawk Dynedockia… In the spite of Fate… and the Obsidian Eye of K’wal N’oz The’li… What happened to those days…? My story… my life… my Dream… has it all been spirited away? Have I let go of what has let me live through the malediction of my life? No… I cannot… I will not… So many new faces litter my path through life… some take the side of society… and others follow a similar path… and the more I see this world… the more I see that there are more Dreamers here than I ever imagined… The Heart and Soul of our planet resides in the eyes of these precious few… Who have opened their eyes to their own Destiny… and who look towards their own vision of the Crimson Dream… Many have wings to fly with… and yet many of them have fallen like myself… endlessly searching the plains of existence… only to find a broken heart… time and time again… and yet even in these fallen souls… There is still a fragment of hope… for all is not lost… through endurance… through optimism… through faith… each of us have our own way of walking the path… and surviving the pain that troubles our everyday lives… We each have a different road to travel… we each have a different eyes to see the world… and we each hear a different beat to dance the song of life… No existence is the same… no matter how similar each may seem… The path stretches differently for each of us… and Cross they shall… and intertwine they shall as well… Each journey to that point is different… and where each of them shall reach cannot even be seen by The Master of Time… Destiny is a fickle mistress… and there are very few who live to answer her call… I once did… but now I see this path for what it truly is… not a path to Glory… or Salvation… but a path to the truth… to truly see the world from a Dreamer’s perspective… and live the life that I was meant to live… it is not about what I become… what I accomplish… or what I find along the way… Sometimes it is what you do that defines you… but It is always who you are inside your heart… the song that each of us sings as Time goes Marching on… It is your heart that defines you… your soul… the emotions that guide you… that is what defines us… I see it once again… my path… my journey… my dreams… They have returned to me… The Crimson Dreamer is what I am called… and I almost lost my title… without it I would have been lost… but now… Inside my heart… I can see those Dreams again… My Story… My Legend… My Prophecy…

...
Let There be Freedom...

And Peace in This Land...

I shall Swear by My Dreams That...

This Darkness Shall End...

Fate is a Demon...

He'll pay for this Crime...!

And I'm NOT just a Dreamer...

I'm...

...

The MASTER OF TIME!!!!!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Im back...

Things are better... so at some point I'm gonna start writing again... Not sure when... I've been busy with work, and I've been in a slump lately... so when I get the chance I'll write again... until then!

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Hiatus...

I'm going on hiatus for a while... I have some things that have to be done... I'll still write, but things aren't going up here...

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Truth...

New Work...

Truth...

What do you do when the world fades to black? Where do you go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do you stand as the walls around you tumble to the ground…? Who do you cry on when everyone around you turns away? How do you live when you are surrounded by death? Who do you love… when your world turns to hate? Lost… Drifting… Falling… Dreaming… Being… Living… Freedom… So many words… All of which I use every day of this life… Lost inside the trap I have created in my mind… Drifting into each passing day as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon… Falling further into the depths of my soul… Dreaming of the days when I can look back on life and see how truly wonderful it is… Being able to catch my fallen brethren… Living life… one day at a time… Freedom… the one thing in life… that is unattainable… Fate controls all… governs all… and yet even in our doomed slavery… we are still free to make our choices… Love… Happiness… Anger… Pain… all of it is under our control… I can see this now… with vision undistorted… My life… it is mine to control… no matter what Fate forges to be my destiny… I know here… now… that I don’t need to look for my true friends… I don’t need to seek out my allies… because they are here… with me… all of them… I know now the truth… that none of them were ever in any doubt… and that all this time… after being so lost in the conflict… trapped in the confusion… on the brink of the void… that even in my despair… they are here to stand by me… and even when the world is without hope… and the sky is without stars… and the world around us is shattered with the malice that is this life… We are here… standing tall together… ready to face whatever my Brother decides to stand in our path… but even in our triumphant cry… Even in the power that we share… Even in the love that we share for each other… in the brotherhood of friendship… I fear that my heart has made breaks in our chain… I feel too much in this world… a surge of emotion… an endless wave of the heart… It brings my joy atop the highest of the heavens… and it brings my sorrow to the depths of existence… and in my soul it embraces the spirit that has been inside me for so many years… and Channels the energy that has been dormant inside me for such a long time… I no longer fear life… I no longer fear the whim of Rathios… and yet… my world is still empty… and my path is still lonely… I thought I had embraced the winds of love… but I know now that this is not so... I have still yet to feel that warmth...and in my search I have made a fool of them… I have made a fool of myself… and even in the blunders of my life… I know that they will stand by me… and yet I still cannot help but feel like I have made so many mistakes… so many contradictions in my being… So many broken promises… I feel like I have betrayed them… in deceiving myself… I have overlooked so much… I have forgotten so much… I need to let go… of all this grief… of all this strife… Where has the happiness gone? Where has the optimism fled too? Where has the positivism fallen? I embrace my emotions… for they define my spirit… yet… even I cannot comprehend them in their purest form… and I am no master of the spirit… it is difficult to control my emotions… for it is a fickle element to restrain… Destiny… what truly is Destiny? I have always believed it to be man’s potential… but is it? Is it what we are able to achieve? Or is it the quota we put on ourselves… Destiny is a path to perfection… one that no being can ever obtain… Dreams… the essence of the soul… it is through our dreams that we find our hope… Hope is the one truly static entity in this world… for throughout the ages… hope has never died… Love… Love is only a word… a word I have used far too much in my life… It is the one thing I seek more than anything else… but why? Why is it that I must feel this emotion? Is it because it is the one that I have not experienced yet? Or is it that I am in need to fill the hole in my life? Love itself… is empty… void… of meaning and of thought… love is in the eyes of who wields it… and one’s love can be simply affection to another… and the sweet embrace of one can be the reason to live for another… One cannot gauge love… for each of us has different ways of expressing it… of feeling it… of giving it… and of taking it… I have love for each and everyone one of my friends… a love that shall never falter to the will of fate… anger may close my eyes… and pain may blind my heart… but I love each and every one of you… with all my heart and soul… and of all the empty promises I have made… and all the broken contradictions of my life… I know… in the depths of my being… that I love all of you… Love in itself is a meaningless word… yet… in my life… it is the value I give to those who I care about most… Those precious few… who I have stood by my side through the ages… and those who have just joined the path… Your spirits… your courage… your patience… and your compassion… have brought me to this point in my life… I am a loner…and now I finally realize that… as much as I seek the love of another… I know that… at least at this point in my life… I am destined to be alone… and even in this loneliness… I am not truly alone… for all of you are in my heart… and I may lose sight of that… but in my core… I know it to be true… Your friendships keep me alive and well… your happiness brings me joy… and your courage gives me strength… I pass my spirit onto you… and although you do not share the same emotion… I know that you are grateful… as I have been for you… So what do I do when my world fades to black? Where do I go when the winter comes falling down… and there’s no where left to go? Where do I stand as the walls around me tumble to the ground…? Who do I cry on when everyone around me turns away? How do I live when I am surrounded by death? Who do I love… when my world turns to hate? I come before you… my champions… my heroes… my friends… you… all of you… and with your hearts and mine… we shall stand tall to face the wrath of my brother… Let there be freedom… and peace in this land… and I swear by my dreams that this darkness shall end… This Fate is a demon… he’ll pay for his crime… and I’m NOT just a Dreamer… I’m…